Blood in the Water (Sequel to Such a Softer Sin)
by Crossbows-and-moonshine
Summary: Everything changes for Lila and the boys once they get their calling. How do they deal with what God has asked them to do? How does Lila fit into it all?
1. Chapter 1

**The sequel is hereeeeeee.**

**So, a quick reminder, it will be very canon divergent, some things might seem AU, but that's just the way its gotta be. **

**Its set 5 months after the prequel and the first chapter might seem fillerish? But it's just cause I need to fill in some gaps before the real shit starts in the next chapter. What happens in this chapter was unexpected to say the least and not where I thought this thing was heading, but it happened so...**

**I have no idea where the fuck I'm going with this and I'll probably struggle since I can't free write completely with the movie plotline to follow, but there we fucking go.**

**ARE WE READY? **

**No...We are not. lolololol.**

It was a Tuesday, the weather was a little drab but it didn't affect the three bodies tangled together in bed. Lila had the night off, it was St Patrick's day the day after, her first one working at McGinty's, and she had been given the night off to enjoy herself, preparing herself for the next night almost. She had been told McGinty's was quite a fucking night on St Patty's day. It had been 5 months since the boys proposed to her, 10 months in total since she'd met the little shits, and not much had changed. They weren't married yet. None of them quite anticipated the level of planning that a wedding seemed to take, and much to Lilas amusement, Connor was in his fucking element. Murphy was glad Connor had taken over the planning, he didn't want to have to deal with what fucking flowers they wanted or the colour scheme. Fuck that shite. Connor loved it though, focusing all his energy on planning the wedding. He had chosen Christmas eve as the date, spoke to the priest and had it all booked. They had selected the priest from the hospital, the one that had watched over them when Murphy was comatose. The man was all too happy to bless their seemingly strange union. He had seen first hand what love these three had for each other, and learning they were twins, hearing their explanation of how they were one soul divided in two bodies, even he agreed it was fitting for their soulmate to be one person. He had seen them all together, seen how they worked, and he knew in his heart it was God's work. The weird little hang-up Murphy kept coming back to, about them both being in love with her and marrying her, it had eased tremendously with the priests backing, and also the fact she was to officially marry him.

Connor was right, Murphy was the more sentimental one, and whereas Connor was happy with just the blessing, what was deemed as the real marriage in their eyes, linking the girl to the pair of them, the fact she would be his wife legally meant all the world to him. He would never hold it over his brother, it wasn't like that made him more special in her eyes in the slightest, and he knew that. But he was aware of the tremendous gift his brother had bestowed on him with this and he didn't take it for granted for one fucking second. The plan was the day before the wedding, the three of them and Rocco would go to the courthouse to sign the papers with Connor and Rocco as the witnesses, and then she would officially be a MacManus, ready for the wedding. They weren't going to make a fuss out of it or celebrate it, because the real celebration was the wedding.

Now being engaged, it hadn't really changed anything with the three of them. They still had their own little routine going, but they did feel closer. No longer feeling the need to fight the urge to tell her they loved her, it was all there, open for all of them to see. They were currently laying in bed, just having a lazy day after the boys had been working hard. They enjoyed their time like this, apart from weekends it seemed few and far between since not long after the boys got home from work, Lila herself would start her shift. So when they got a moment to just lay there and soak each other in, they fucking took it.

"I think I missed my period…" Lila blurted out in a moment of silence. She felt Connors hand reflexively tighten around her, and she felt Murphy tense under her as she lay with her head on his chest. There was a tense moment of silence and Lila could swear crickets were fucking chirping. She slid off the bed and stood up, cheeks flushed as she turned to look at the pair. They looked like blinking statues and she felt the anxiety weighing on her. She had been wanting to say something for a few days and she couldn't seem to find the right moment. The boys looked to each other before standing up too, looking at her warily.

"Ye...Ye _think_ or ye know?" Connor asked hesitantly, she didn't fail to miss how their eyes kept darting to her stomach like they were expecting a bump to magically form from nowhere. She shifted where she stood, this conversation was mighty fucking uncomfortable for her. Murphy's eyes were almost glazed over like he was somewhere else completely and it made her nervous he hadn't spoken, always the twin that found it hard to hold back.

"Well...I know I've missed it but I'm not sure what it means...my periods can be a little...irregular." She admitted, her face still burning bright. She didn't want to be talking about her fucking menstrual cycle with her very attractive boyfriends.

"I mean… I doubt I'm...I doubt it means...you know. It's probably nothing, it's not the first time it's happened, but I thought you two should know, 'cause I need to take a test just to be sure." She rambled, clearly nervous about the whole thing.

Connor nodded slowly, licking his lower lip like the words were trying to digest in his brain as he sat on the edge of the bed and Murphy just stood still as a rock.

"Murphy, for fuck sake say something." Lila pleaded, having a moment of desperation at his silence, it was never a good thing when Murphy was silent. She couldn't even get a read from the pair of them. His eyes snapped up to hers and he blinked at her, he was swaying slightly on his feet and he looked paler than usual, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed thickly.

"I uh...Ye might be...We could be..._**Fuckin'**_ _**Christ...**_" His eyes rolled back into his head and he hit the floor with a thud. Lilas' eyes widened and she crouched down next to him, taking his clammy face in her hands. Connor looked at him still in shock, not even moving to fucking help him like his brain still hadn't caught up with him yet.

"Connor!" Lila chided with a frown, making him snap out of it as he quickly got up, hauling Murphy up and back onto the bed carefully.

She stood next to the bed looking worried and Connor was yet to speak and it was making her want to peel her skin off.

"I told you, I might not be…" It was like she was scared to say the word pregnant because it might fucking happen somehow. The three hadn't ever spoken about having kids, she was on the pill for fuck sake, but of course shit happens. She was unaware the boys had spoken of it previously, how they both wanted that with her one day. They just hadn't expected it so fucking soon and before they had wed her, or as close to that as they could get. Lila wasn't sure how she felt about it, she hadn't really thought about it before, she didn't think she was ready, that they were ready. But if it happened they would see it through and she had no doubt the twins would take care of both her and the baby.

Connor moved to sit in front of her, his hands touching her belly hesitantly and it made her throat close up.

"Ye might not be...but ye _might_ be." He whispered, his voice thick with emotion. His hands were trembling and it made her heart flutter.

"And if I am?" She asked warily, looking down at him nervously. His eyes met hers then, a steely determination in them that almost floored her.

"Then we'd be fuckin' blessed te have a child wit' ye." He stated firmly, making her breathing hitch a little. She licked her lower lip and nodded, her hands coming to rest on top of his.

"I'm probably not, I just...I wanted you guys to know just in case, when I take the test." She whispered softly, not knowing how she felt about Connor touching her belly reverently like this, about his words, like he wanted a baby with her so soon.

He cleared his throat and stood up, she could see on his face the second he got control of himself once more, shelving all emotions as he took charge of the situation, she couldn't say she was surprised.

"Right, ye watch over Murph and I'll grab a test, I'll be back in a few." She didn't have a chance to reply because he was gone in an instant. Lila sighed and sat next to Murphy, brushing his hair from his face. It would have been comical how he reacted, how he fainted at the news, if it wasn't so fucking scary that she might be carrying their child. It reminded her of how she herself fainted when they asked her to marry them, she idly wondered when Connor would faint, bring the whole thing full fucking circle. Murphy's eyes fluttered open and when they settled on her they widened, making him sit up fast. He grimaced and held his head.

"Careful, you fainted." Lila said softly, looking at him concerned. He eyed her warily for a moment and it just made her even more stressed.

"Murph please, I can't get a read on you." She whispered pleadingly, looking down with a frown at her hands. He was always the easier twin to read, so open and raw with her, and now she couldn't get a sense of anything and she wasn't sure if he was purposely blocking her or just so overwhelmed his brain had short-circuited.

He took her hand slowly, making her look at him and she could see it then, the unshed tears in his eyes, the emotion behind them like a storm about to be released.

"I just…" He took a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. She could see his clenched jaw and how he was fighting with himself.

"Would it really be that bad?" She asked, her voice a mere whisper as she looked at him almost forlornly, mistaking his emotional state for something negative. He looked at her incredulously, just blinking for a moment.

"It's not a bad thing m'girl in the slightest, we'd be blessed te have a child wit' ye." He said sincerely, echoing his brother's exact words. The very fact they had said the same thing made her stomach flip around on her. The pair were so intense sometimes.

"You don't think it's too soon?" She asked warily, not wanting to upset him. He frowned at her then, looking almost pained at her words and it sent a pang of guilt through her.

"If it's God's will, it'll happen when it happens." Was all he supplied, giving her such an intense look it made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle up.

The door opened then and the lighter haired twin came in, bag in hand. He resisted the urge to make a quip about his brother fainting on them as he did, it didn't feel quite the time to make jokes. He took the box from the bag and handed it to her, both boys looking at her expectantly. Her cheeks flushed as she took it and started walking to the toilet behind the screen. She was mortified when she heard two pairs of feet following her. She turned around only to see the twins right behind her, looking anxious and fidgety.

"No. Fucking not a chance in hell. I get you're nervous, so am I, but I'll be fucked if I'm pissing in front of you." She snorted incredulously. The boys looked to each other and back at her, almost sheepishly and they moved to sit on the bed. She noticed Connors' arm go around the darker haired boy just before she disappeared behind the screen.

She came back to the bed, test in hand, waiting for the results. Connor was reading over the instructions, reading them aloud for Murphy who was fidgeting restlessly.

"So we wait? Two minutes?" She asked softly as she placed the test on the dining room table and sat down. The boys followed suit, sitting either side of her, Connor grabbing the timer and setting it.

"Aye." Connor replied tensely. It was the longest two minutes of their fucking lives and Murphy was fidgeting so much Lila was surprised he hadn't set fire to himself. The timer went off and the three jumped visibly. There was a moment of silence where they were all still and then Lila snatched the test before Murphy did. She felt her heart sink a little, almost like she could feel a tiny fracture forming on it and she knew she was being ridiculous.

"Negative." She stated emotionlessly. She was glaring at the test in her hands like it might change the outcome. A few minutes ago she hadn't felt ready, she hadn't felt like this would be a good thing. But now, with the results glaring at her, she couldn't ignore the deep ache that was residing inside of her ribcage.

She swallowed thickly and set the test down, Connor taking it to double check. Lila glanced to Murphy and he was glaring at the table, his chest heaving slightly and she just knew he was trying not to cry. It only made the sting that much worse. Connor placed the test down, his own hands shaking as he took a breath. The silence was deafening for the three of them and they could feel the sadness settle over the loft like a dark cloud.

"How could ye miss somethin' that was never there?" Connor asked aloud sounding almost incredulous, his voice cracking with slight emotion that betrayed the usually stoic brother. It was all it took for Murphy and he stood so fast the chair tipped over, tears streaming down his face as he grabbed his coat, needing to get the fuck out of here before he tore the place apart. His heart was burning in his chest, setting the whole of him alight.

Lila watched him about to leave and panicked and she couldn't even help the words that left her lips, the raw honesty at that moment.

"I want a baby with you." She blurted out, making Murphy still completely just before the door and Connor turned to look at her with wide eyes. She glanced between the pair before standing, wringing her hands nervously.

"I thought...I thought it was too soon...but this...I don't...It hurts, why does it hurt?" She asked brokenly with so much confusion, tears stinging her eyes as the pain in her heart increased. Connor looked at her, feeling her anguish and he took her hand and squeezed it, watching as his twin discarded his coat and came over. Murphy wrapped his arms around her tightly, Lila still holding Connors' hand and using the other to embrace Murphy, sobbing softly into his chest. Connor stood, holding her hand tightly and gripping the back of his brother's neck affectionately, his own tears threatening to fall.

"Hurts because o' the hope m'girl. Ye hoped ye would be, just like we did." Murphy whispered tensely through his tears, burying his face into her hair. He felt her nodding against him, accepting his answer. She moved away, untangling herself from the pair of them and wiping her eyes.

"Are we crazy? If we...If we try? So soon?" She asked as she sniffled, shaky hands wiping at her tears. Connor still had a hold of his brother and they took strength from each other, the fact she was asking this, that she had been so upset, it made them feel all sorts of shit. She wanted a fucking baby with them.

"Crazy maybe...feels right though doesn't it?" Connor asked softly, looking at her earnestly. She smiled at him through her tears and nodded, it did feel right. The thought of carrying their child, being a real family.

"But we aren't married yet." She protested weakly with a furrowed brow, her eyes instinctively going to the boys' rosaries on the wall.

"Special circumstances lass? I mean, there's three o' us. Won't exactly be a proper marriage anyway, but God understands that aye?" Connor stated confidently, giving her an affectionate smile.

"God wills if it happens love, like I said." Murphy added softly, looking at her through his lashes.

She was quiet for a moment before looking at them.

"Fuck, so I guess we're actually doing this. We're gonna try for a baby." She laughed incredulously, making the boys grin widely at her.

"Aye, gonna have a proper little family." Murphy beamed, wiping his eyes again because he was a sensitive little soul and he started crying once again.

"Expandin' the MacManus clan eh Murph?" Connor grinned and grabbed them both, pulling them in for a hug, letting the weight of this moment settle in on them all. Getting married was one thing, but having a baby together, well that was a whole other thing altogether and a turning point for the three of them. But the negative result had made them all see clearly, made them all feel it, the deep want for a baby, to start a real family together. This was it now, they were all in, all cards on the fucking table and they all knew where they stood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Let the games begin! *fires pistol***

**Also, the name for this fic was inspired by a song, just like the prequel. They're lyrics from the song No Mercy by Pvris, if you haven't heard it, give it a listen. I don't know why it feels so appropriate for this fic.**

_**Our hands always covered in shame,**_

_**But it won't wash away.**_

_**There's blood in the water but it tastes so sweet.**_

St Patrick's day; Lila had not been informed wrong when Doc told her the place would be packed, she felt like she hadn't stopped since she set foot through the door. She was grateful the man had given her the night off before. The day had been easy going mostly. She had woke early with the boys and went to mass. The boys were grateful she was once again attending church with them, it had taken a whole month after the accident for her to be able to step foot inside the church again. After mass the boys walked her back home, more hyper alert it seemed after the somber story the father had told in the church. They'd gone to work and when they had returned, Lila had an Irish stew waiting for them, she had gotten this recipe off their Ma and they were more than grateful for the reminder of home. The boys Ma got on well with Lila and whenever she rang, she would speak to the girl too, she was excited about the upcoming nuptials and she would be coming to Boston for the wedding. Lila noticed the woman never made a single comment about both of her sons being with her, and she was grateful, it could have been super fucking awkward, but their Ma seemed to be on the same page as they were.

When the boys got home, Connor was limping and Murphy took great delight in telling Lila how Connor had been kicked in the nuts by a girl. She also learnt the woman got a swift right hook from the darker haired boy, she couldn't say she was surprised, Murphy wasn't about to sit back and let his brother get hurt, girl or not. She had been finishing off the food whilst Connor comically sat on the sofa icing himself, Murphy trying to shower but the water was playing up again. When the phone rang, she had answered it, knowing it was their Ma. Their Ma was a strange woman, she had a heart of gold inside of her and she loved her boys, but she also loved to fuck with them relentlessly, it was plain to see just where Connor and Murphy got their mischievous side from. She had been told of the plan, so she watched from the sidelines as Connor begged his mother on the phone to put down their Da's gun. She felt a pang of guilt though when a towel-clad Murphy ran over to his coat, almost falling in the process, yelling _'Christ Ma!'_ Over and over like he was about to just fucking run to Ireland to stop her. The boy was adorable in every sense of the word.

Despite knowing of the woman's plan, even she flinched when she heard the gunshot and she watched the phone fly from Connors' hand, the boys scrambling on the floor to grab it, shouting '_Ma_!' so loud they sounded like fucking goats. She couldn't contain her laughter though and when she heard the older woman laugh too, the twins turned to glare at her, knowing she had been in on it the whole time. They dreaded their Ma coming to Boston for the wedding, no doubt she and Lila would team up against them, God fucking help them all. After that ordeal, they ate their food and went on their merry way to celebrate St Patrick's day at Lila's place of work, where they were currently laughing and joking, just having a good time as usual, just with a few more shots thrown in for good measure, it was a celebration after all.

She looked to her boys, sat at the bar with Rocco and just being their usual cheeky selves and she smiled. The night before, after the revelation that they wanted to try for a baby, well they had to have a slightly awkward and interesting talk. She had not taken the pill since, and the three had sat around the table after Connor had asked what kind of shit they could do to ensure she got pregnant.

"_Ovulate m'girl? The fucks that?" Murphy asked warily. The boys were sat opposite her at the dining table and she looked at his innocent endearing face, trying not to laugh. Connor sat forward a little, leaning over the table so intent on her answer like he was hungry for knowledge, the whole thing was fucking comical._

"_It's when the egg gets released to be fertilised." She said seriously. Murphy's eyes widened a little, a blush sweeping through his face and making the tips of his ears turn pink. Lila's nostrils flared as she tried not to laugh, he looked so frightened of the whole thing, so fucking bashful. Connor nodded, stroking his chin thoughtfully and she continued._

"_Well, girls can only get pregnant when they ovulate. It's like the only window of opportunity for it. It usually happens two weeks after your period but mine are irregular so, I probably ovulate weird." She explained, leaning back in the chair a little. _

"_Ye mean ye can't just get pregnant at any time?" Connor asked sounding fascinated as he looked at her. She shook her head at him._

"_You basically have like 24 hours once a month to try." She replied, glancing to the bashful twin who was blinking at her, looking a little overwhelmed. She had no doubt he didn't expect this kind of lesson today, he probably just wanted to do the deed, not talk about it._

"_24 hours? Fuckin' hell. How do people manage te get knocked up all the fuckin' time?" Connor snorted incredulously, making Lila huff a laugh. Connor hummed, thinking once again and Lila watched him half amused. She could practically see the cogs in his mind whirring away._

"_So, is there a way te check? Te make sure we know when the time's right and all that shit?" He asked curiously. Lila sat up straighter and ran a hand through her hair, noticing the darker twins eyes drawn to the motion, he always loved her hair._

"_Look, there are tests and shit but I'm not doing that." She said firmly, making Connor squint at her and Murphy tilt his head curiously._

"_Why the fuck not?" Connor huffed almost petulantly._

"_I don't want this to be a huge thing, I don't want the pressure. It'll take the fun out of being with you and I don't want that okay? Like Murphy said, Gods will. We stop using protection, go about life as normal and when it happens, it happens." She replied softly, a blush of her own colouring her cheeks. _

"_I like that plan." Murphy smiled shyly at her, reaching for her hand and entwining their fingers together. He didn't like all this fucking ovulation and period talk, it made him uncomfortable. They could just fuck her every day, surely that would fucking work, no need for one of Connors grand plans, as much as he could see his twin itching to make one. Connor was quiet for a moment, mulling her words around in his head before giving her a dazzling grin._

"_Aye alright." He smiled at her, his hand taking her other and squeezing it. _

"Lila!" Rocco shouted over at her with a grin, waving his empty glass at her.

"Liiiilaaaaa!" The boys chimed in, singing her name obnoxiously to get her attention and she snorted a laugh, shaking her head. They were almost drunk at this point and the night wasn't over. She walked over and quirked a brow with a smile of her own.

"What do you hooligans want?" She asked affectionately, watching as Murphy took her hand and kissed it sweetly. She smiled at him being so sweet, but he had to take it a step further when he took one of her fingers in his mouth and sucked on it, a wicked glint in his eyes that made her knees weak. He let her finger go, licking his lower lip with a devilish smirk at her bright red cheeks. The boy was the devil incarnate when he had alcohol in his system. Rocco clicked his fingers in front of her face, bringing her back to reality and he looked between the pair incredulously.

"You done?" He asked giving Murphy an amused look and Murphy just let out a boyish laugh of delight as Lila blushed once more. Connor shook his head with a grin, used to his brother's antics by now with the girl.

"A round of shots please Lila, get one for yourself." Rocco smiled warmly at her. She nodded and moved away to pour them out.

She set the shots in front of them but before she could grab hers, Connors' hand slid it away from her. She tilted her head, looking at him like he'd grown an extra head.

"Ye cannae drink m'girl." Murphy said softly, seeing how confused she was. Rocco looked at her with wide eyes, then to the boys.

"Are you pregnant?" He asked incredulously, his head whipping around at all three of them. Lila snorted and gave Connor a look for opening his mouth.

"Not _yet_ Roc." Connor smirked at him, looking somewhat smug about it, mirroring his twin on the other side of their hairy friend.

"Yet? _Yet_?! Are you guys tryin' for a baby? Holy shit!" Rocco almost fell off his fucking stool and Lila felt like she would burst into flames if she blushed any harder.

"Keep yer fuckin' head on Roc, aye we are." Murphy laughed at his friend.

Rocco glanced between the three of them, looking somewhat emotional before wrapping his arms around the brothers either side of him.

"This is the best fuckin' news I've heard in months. You three, you're gonna fuckin' kill me." He sniffled, making Lilas' eyes widen a little as the boys looked at him amused.

"Are you crying?" Lila asked shocked, making him withdraw his arms from the twins and wipe his face.

"No! ...Yeah! Yeah I fuckin' am 'cause this is beautiful, you three fuckin' knuckleheads are gonna have a baby!" He said defensively. Lilas' heart squeezed at her best friends emotion at the whole thing, it made _her_ feel emotional. The boys grinned and gave him a dramatic kiss to his cheeks, making him swat them away and grumble at them.

"Now that's out there, I'm not pregnant yet so why can't I drink?" She asked, furrowing her brow at them both.

"Ye'll want to prepare yer body aye? Be o' the best health te carry a wee babe." Connor supplied, watching as Murphy reached his arm over and swiped Lilas shot from in front of him, downing it. He shot her a mischievous grin and she rolled her eyes with a smile. It made sense, if they wanted a baby she should look after herself more to make sure she would be fit for it.

Another hour passed, the boys were taking the piss out of Doc whilst Lila was serving people. She felt the tingle down her spine and it made her stand straighter. It was the same sense of dread she felt last time, before the bar fight, the same sense of foreboding she had before the car accident. It made her stomach clench and she looked at the brothers to see if they felt it too. They seemed too drunk to notice much but Murphy turned to her, like he knew she was looking at him. He blinked curiously at her, their eyes locking for a moment, but then she saw it wash over him, he felt it too. Connor stopped laughing at whatever Rocco had said, looking over too and then the boys looked at each other. Something was coming. The moment passed and Lila furrowed her brow, wondering what the fuck that was she just felt, but people needed serving so she pushed past it.

"Listen boys, I've got some very bad news...I'm gonna have te close down t-t-t-the bar." Doc stuttered regretfully. Lilas' head whipped towards him as he spoke to the boys and the other regulars sat around them and she frowned. She listened on as she served drinks, something about the Russians buying him out. She knew the mob had been buying up the buildings around here but Doc hadn't mentioned anything to her about them wanting McGintys. She felt a pang of sadness in her chest, this was her place of work, her home away from home. This was where she met the boys. She didn't want to give this place up, they were like a family here. She could hear the boys talking to the older man and Roc offering to speak to his boss. Lila shivered, she hated how the mafia seemed to be closing in around them. After what happened to her father, she wanted away from it all. The only reason she had stayed in Boston after her granda had died was because she had fallen in love with the boys.

A little more time passed and she got the feeling again that something bad was on its way. Something fucking indeed, and that something was three hefty Russian fucks walking in like they owned the place. It didn't take a genius to figure out they were mob-related, especially after what Doc had just told them. They had a menacing energy and she tensed, watching carefully as all eyes turned to them. The boys' eyes glanced to Lila for a moment, almost like they were checking she was out of harm's way.

"I am Ivan Checkov, and you will be closing now." The man in the middle said as he took off his gloves. Lila swallowed thickly, she could feel the sense of doom getting bigger and she knew this wasn't going to end well. Her heart was hammering against her rib cage with anxiety, just being this close to someone so dangerous. She knew first hand just how dangerous these men can be. She watched in horror as the boys and Rocco stood up and she resisted the urge to tell them to sit the fuck down. Murphy had that face on him, the one that said he was in a mischievous mood and was about to stir some shit up.

"Checkov? Well, this here's McCoy. We find a Spock, we got us an away team." He smirked, slinging an arm around a swaying Rocco who was grinning. The other patrons laughed around them and Lila gripped the dish towel in her hands tighter, she didn't find it funny, fucking provoking them like this, what was the boy thinking?

"I'm in no mood for discussion. You, you stay, the rest of you, go now." Ivan growled, gesturing to the door.

"Why don't ye make like a tree... and get the fuck outta here!" Doc yelled, his face red as he was clearly getting angry. The others in the bar groaned at Doc once again getting his shit mixed up, but Lila was still stood tense. The boys grabbed their shots from the bar and their eyes connected with Lilas for a second. Connor was the first to turn back around but Murphy kept his eyes on her a second longer, she shook her head slowly at him, pleadingly not to cause more shit with these assholes. He just gave her a cheeky wink and turned back around.

"Ye know he's got 'til the weeks end right? Ye don't have te be hard asses do ye?" Connor offered, sounding like he was trying to be diplomatic about the whole thing.

"Yeah, it's St Patty's day, everyone's Irish tonight. Why don't ye pull up a stool and have a drink wit' us." Murphy offered with a casual shrug, like he wasn't offering the Russian fucking mob to drink with them all. Ivan looked like the vein in his head was about to burst and Lila stood an instinctive step back.

"This is no game!" He yelled, Lila couldn't see what he did but she heard the sound of glass breaking, it only made her anxiety grow.

"If you don't go, we will make you go." He threatened, eyes scanning the room. When his eyes landed on her, he smirked a little and she felt like she might keel over. The whole thing was making her lightheaded and she didn't like where this was going. She could feel the energy shift in the place and she tensed.

"Listen, if ye want a fight, ye can see yer outnumbered here. We're tryin' te be civil, so I suggest ye take our offer." Connor warned carefully as he looked at the huge man in the middle.

"I make the offers." Ivan growled, pointing towards himself. Lila noticed Rocco then, stood between her boys and swaying from the amount of alcohol in his system, she could just sense his mouth was about to open and all hell would break loose, she wasn't fucking wrong. She watched in horror as he stepped closer to the men like they weren't evil.

"Hey, Boris. What would you do, if I told you,-" Oh no, Rocco no. "-your pinko commie mother sucks so much dick,-" No no no, fucking Rocco. "- her face looks like an egg-" The bar erupted in laughter but it was like time slowed down for Lila as Ivan reared back and punched Rocco square in the face, making her flinch back, she looked on mortified as he hit the floor. She vaguely heard Murphy yell a '_fuck_ _you'_ to the man as the patrons of the bar started shouting at him.

The boys muttered something angrily in Russian to the man, she had no idea what but the man looked almost confused that these two Irish boys seemed fluent in Russian. They looked to each other, like the calm before the storm that Lila just knew was coming, and they downed their shots. Suddenly the boys dove down and punched the Russian in the legs, knocking him over in a smooth fluid motion, once again showing their teamwork and being on the same wavelength. Lila might have appreciated it like she always did when they did things together, but it was a mobster they were hitting, so it was bittersweet.

All hell broke fucking loose as the patrons dived on the Russians. They were outnumbered but the Russians were big fucks and Lila found herself worrying they might be carrying a gun. She stood behind the bar watching with wide wild eyes, darting to her boys desperately trying to keep up with where they were and if they were okay. One of the Russians went for Murphy and Lilas' eyes widened.

"Murph!" She yelled, instinct making her run to help him.

"Stay away, he can take care o' himself!" Connor shouted harshly, not only to her but the guys about to help him. Doc grabbed her wrist, not letting her leave the safety of behind the bar and she looked at the lighter haired twin incredulously. Of course she knew Murphy could take care of himself but she didn't fucking like it. Murphy grabbed two bottles and smashed them over the assholes head with ease, knocking him out. It felt like there were bodies everywhere and the noise was hurting her ears at the shouting and yelling. How the fuck had it gotten to this point?


	3. Chapter 3

**Can I just take a moment to say how fucking hard it is to write the bits that overlap with the movie? Like I need to watch the movie two minutes at a time to make sure I get dialogue and shit right, this is why I hate writing canon lololol.**

**It starts off fairly canon with Lila in there but soon things will go pretty canon divergent or in Lilas POV so I won't be writing out whole scenes in the movie. I don't know how you guys feel about that but I hate reading straight up scenes from the movie, over and over. **

**I hope this is living up to your expectations so far, trust me, I actually have some little seedlings of ideas to stir shit up on their way *cackles***

Lila stood over the sink in the back retching. She had emptied the contents of her stomach but now she was dry heaving, her stomach clenching painfully. The smell of the Russians burnt ass would haunt her for the rest of her days wandering the earth. She couldn't ever say she imagined she'd know what an ass on fire smelt like, but now she could, she guessed she could cross that off her list of weird fucking shit she never thought would happen. She jumped when she felt hands rub her back and she whipped around to look at Connor and Murphy. They were a little beaten up but they looked at her warily. They had seen how she fled into the back and they were worried, more so seeing that she had been sick.

"Ye alright?" Connor asked carefully, looking her up and down like he was assessing for damage. She looked at them both incredulously before tightening her ponytail.

"Just fucking peachy, you just set a mobsters ASS ON FIRE CONNOR!" She yelled, looking so fucking angry the boys took a step back, eyeing her warily.

"Aye...I did." Connor replied lamely, not really having anything else to offer her in that moment.

"Wasn't me finest hour, but it felt like the right thing te do at the time." He continued carefully, looking at her like a scolded child. Murphy's nostrils flared at his brother's words, trying so hard not to laugh, lest Lila beat him into next week.

"It felt like the right thing to do?! Do you have any idea what you've done?! They have other men Connor, for fuck sake, you think people won't come after us now?!" She shouted, so frustrated and angry at these two fucking Irish hoodlums.

"No one's gonna come after us m'girl alright? It's fine. Was just a bar fight." Murphy said softly, trying to calm her down. He could feel her rage, it was hitting him in waves and making him shift where he stood, trying to get his brain to recognize it wasn't his own.

"A bar fight with the fucking Russian mob! What the fuck is wrong with you two?!" She screeched, shaking her head as she wiped a hand down her face. The smell was still in the air and she fought the urge to vomit again.

"Sorry Lila." They both replied earnestly, looking at her all innocent. She didn't know if she wanted to hit them or kiss them. She was exhausted now after all this emotional shit. The boys could see it on her, feel it and they felt bad. They didn't think it was that much of a big deal but they knew Lila had history with the mob after her father was murdered by them, they didn't doubt this brought up a lot of shit for her.

"Come on sweetheart. Let's get ye home aye?" Connor asked with a wary smile, still not sure if she might turn around and clock him one. She just nodded tiredly, looking pale and a little sickly. The boys wrapped their arms around her and made their way out of the bar and home.

The next morning the air in the loft was thick with tension. Lila still felt off, she felt like something was wrong and she couldn't shake it. The boys tried to reassure her it was just the after-effects of the night before. There was just one problem. They felt it too. They felt that sense of dread that something more was coming, but they couldn't tell her that or she would freak out. She was already acting spooked enough as it was. She was pouring herself a cup of coffee, she was dressed in just Murphy's shirt and her Doc Martens. The boys were in their boxers, robe and boots sat on the bed. They'd taken to wearing their boots indoors since it had gotten colder and the floor wasn't in the best condition. Lila had wondered about buying them all slippers, the thought almost made her laugh.

The door suddenly flew open with such force the thing fell over completely and Lila yelped, dropping her cup and spilling the coffee everywhere.

"Freeze you Irish fucking faggotts!" Ivan yelled as he pointed a gun at them, another man with a bandage around his head also brandishing a gun with him. Ivan went right over to Connor and hit him in the head with the gun, knocking him on his knees and knocking the screen next to the toilet over in the process. The other man grabbed a scowling Murphy, gun to his head as he got him on his knees.

"Get yer fuckin' hands off me." Murphy growled. Lila was hyperventilating, it seemed they hadn't seen her yet and her whole body was trembling with fear. Her eyes were darting around, looking at the guns, looking at her boys, trying to think of a plan to get them out of this mess that Connor would be proud of. Ivan cuffed Connors' wrist and forced him to cuff himself around the toilet, screaming down his ear as Murphy tried to shake the other fucker off him. The boys were well aware they hadn't seen Lila yet, and they wanted to turn to look at her, but they didn't, they didn't want to alert her presence. They could feel her desperate fear and they wished they could soothe her but they couldn't.

She slowly inched towards the closest thing to her she could use as a weapon, a fucking frying pan. She hesitated when she heard the boys desperate voices in her head.

'_Run lass, get the fuck outta here before they see ye!'_

'_Fuckin' leave m'girl now!'_

Did they really think she could just leave them here with guns pointed at them, were they fucking insane?! She gripped the handle tightly, zoning in on the boys' anger, especially Murphy's since it was the strongest, trying to channel it to herself to use in her favour. She was breathing heavy and she took a step forward but suddenly, the guy with Ivan pointed his gun at her, his other hand still gripping Murphy's bathrobe. She stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide and scared.

"Fuckin' leave her out o' this!" Connor roared, yanking at the cuffs that held him in place, more desperate than before now they knew Lila was there and she had a gun pointed at her. Murphy gave her a look that terrified her, he was pissed at her beyond belief that she hadn't left and when he saw the pan in her hand, she could see it click in his head what she was planning and his nostrils flared. He was angry and he was scared.

"Drop the pan little lady." Ivan smirked, cocking his gun and holding it to Murphy's head. Her breathing sped up at the sight of Murphy being held at gunpoint and the pan hit the floor with a clang.

She shook her head desperately, tears welling in her eyes, she didn't care what they did to her but she wasn't about to watch her boys fucking die. Ivan gave her a dark grin before turning back to Connor, gripping his shoulder harshly. He held his gun close to his face as he growled into his ear.

"You know why I fucking come here? I come to kill you. But now, I don't think I kill you. I kill your brother, but first, I make him watch as we ruin your precious pussy over there." He laughed menacingly down Connors' ear. Lilas blood ran cold and she could see the murderous rage inside of Murphy, she could feel it. The worst part was, he couldn't even do a fucking thing about it or else they'd probably shoot them all dead right there.

"Fuck you!" Connor roared, tugging on the cuffs as Ivan walked away. The colour drained from Lilas' face and she watched in horror as the man with Ivan yanked Murphy to his feet. The boys yelled for each other and it made her heart break.

"It's just a fuckin' bar fight, you guys are fuckin' pussies!" Murphy yelled as he tried to pull away from the grip the man had on him. Ivan grabbed Lila by the back of the neck harshly, making her yelp, tears running down her face. She noticed the look Murphy gave his brother, there was so much said in that one look alone and Lilas heart almost stopped beating entirely.

"Lila! Murph!" Connor screamed, yanking relentlessly on the cuffs as they were dragged out of the apartment.

Lila was in shock, she stood swaying slightly in the elevator as the men spoke in Russian, she looked to her dark angel, their eyes locking for a moment. Outwards he seemed calm, collected even, but she knew better. She knew the rage hidden in the depths of those baby blue eyes. She knew it was taking everything he had to keep it at bay and she knew it was because if he flipped, they'd just end up with a bullet between their eyes anyway.

'_I'm sorry.' _She heard Murphy's regretful voice filling her head, sounding so tearful and broken. More of her own tears fell and she tried to move to reach him, needing to touch him so badly but Ivans grip tightened. Murphy tensed, his nostrils flaring at this asshole touching his woman and he thought back to Connor, fucking cuffed to a toilet. Would they do him next or leave him there to starve? He hated it, there was nothing he could fucking do to help either his brother or his girl. Was this Gods will? Was this how they were meant to go? He found it hard to believe, that he would be brought back from the dead, how they survived a head-on collision just to die like this. He knew there was more for them.

They were dragged into the alleyway and Murphy was forced on his knees again. Ivan traded with the other man, pointing a gun right in Murphy's face as Lila struggled against the other man who was groping at her breasts.

"I think we take the bitch back with us. Let all of our men have a go. She's quite the looker eh? I see why you and your brother share her." Ivan cackled teasingly, mocking him. He struggled a bit with the thunderous rage that was inside of him, he wanted to tear these fuckers limb from limb, but the gun in his face was quite the distraction. He couldn't look at her, he could hear her screaming for them to let her go, to let Murphy go. He felt like he'd failed her, failed his brother. Lila had been right, the night before had been stupid and reckless and now they were all paying the price, Lila more than him or Connor since he could only imagine what they were going to do to her.

"Just take me! Do what you want with me, just let them both go!" She pleaded desperately, trying to wriggle out of the man's grasp. Murphy looked at her then, incredulous she would try to sacrifice herself for them like that. He knew they wouldn't kill her, not right away and he knew she knew that. She would endure hell at the hands of these men and she was offering herself up willingly like a lamb to the slaughter for him and his brother.

"Don't' ye fuckin' dare!" He roared, glaring at her with wild eyes, making her fall silent as she looked at him defeated. The man pushed her to her knees, gun in her face to keep her submissive until they got rid of the darker haired boy.

Ivan was saying something to Murphy but her mind was spinning, and then she glanced up and saw him. Fucking Connor with a toilet in his hands. Her eyes widened when he dropped the toilet and then jumped off the roof, like something out of one of his fucking movies. It was like time slowed down as Murphy shielded himself from part of the toilet, the actual toilet hitting Ivan right in the head and killing him instantly. Connor landed on the man next to her and it took a second for her brain to register what just happened. She was in shock as Murphy ran over to Connor who was laying there unconscious, he checked his pulse and when he was satisfied he was alive, he grabbed the top of the toilet, smacking the man who was reaching for his gun. Murphy grunted as he hit the man over the head repeatedly, his rage for him touching his girl the way he did coming out. Fight or flight kicked in and he needed to get his brother and girl out of here. He grabbed a paper bag and started stuffing the guns and anything of value inside of it. Lila just sat there, trembling terribly as her eyes were glued to Connor.

She was unaware Murphy had been calling her name until he yanked her to her feet and his hands gripped her face, his eyes searching her desperately.

"Lila? I need ye te snap the fuck outta it, we need te get te the hospital." He said firmly, his face lit with the rage still simmering inside of him. She blinked at him and nodded dumbly, taking the bag he thrust into her hands. She watched as Murphy grabbed Connors cuffs and yanked him up, using them for leverage as he hauled his brother up and over his shoulder. They were quite the sight for everyone as they ran to the hospital, half-naked and bloody. The nuns in the hospital gasped and crossed themselves as they walked in and Lila could only imagine how bad it looked. All she had on was Murphy's shirt that came to her thighs and her boots. Her knees were bloody and scraped and Connor was bleeding and unconscious.

She switched off again, going to that faraway place in her mind she always seemed to retreat to when things got too messy in the outside world. Murphy hadn't spoken a word to her on the way there and she got taken in the room to be seen whilst he stayed with his brother. She had her knees cleaned up but she was fine. When she left the examination room she found Murphy and Connor sat there waiting, Connor now awake and his wrists bandaged. When he saw her, his eyes lit up, he stood up and limped over to her, his whole body aching and sore from the fall. He wrapped his arms around her and she melted into him, sniffling as she clutched the back of his robe. She had been so scared she would never see either of them again. He inhaled her hair, squeezing her tight as the relief of having her there with him washed over him. He couldn't ever forget the pain of watching her and his brother being marched out of the door at gunpoint, being lead to their deaths. When he moved away, he cupped her face and kissed her lips sweetly, giving her a smile that was full of relief.

Murphy stood up then, walking over and glaring at her with such intensity it made her knees go weak. She knew she wouldn't be getting a kiss or hug off the darker twin.

"We gonna talk about what the fuck that was then?" He asked harshly, pinning her with his stare. Connor frowned and looked between the pair, clearly missing something.

"What?" Lila asked confused, swallowing thickly at how angry he looked.

"I'm talkin' bout ye fuckin' offerin' yerself up te them so they'd let us go. '_Just take me. Do what you want with me, just let them both go'." _He spat harshly, making Connor glance to her with wide eyes as he maneuvered the three of them out of the way of other people.

"Ye did what?" Connor asked incredulously, frowning at her. She shot Connor an unimpressed look and turned to Murphy.

"And what? I'd move heaven and fucking earth to save you two assholes, don't tell me you wouldn't do the same." She sneered at the darker twin, before rounding on the lighter one.

"And don't you even fucking start Connor! You jumped off a fucking roof to save us. Don't think I dont know that you weren't sure if you'd make the fall or not. You didn't care if you lived or not, you did it to save us." She glared at him, making him blink at her slowly. She was right after all. He didn't have a clue if he'd make the fall and he didn't hesitate at all. Even if he died, if he could help Murphy and Lila, then he fucking would. Murphy scoffed and shook his head. Deep down he knew she was right, he knew Connor had done the same thing essentially and he knew if the roles were reversed, he too would do whatever it fucking took to save them. It didn't mean he had to fucking like it though.

There was a tense silence for a while before Murphy heaved a sigh in defeat. The situation was a pile of shit but they couldn't change it now. They had killed two men, mobsters that deserved it and they did it out of necessity, but nevertheless, they killed two people. Doc came by and gave the boys a card for some FBI agent, the boys decided to go in and tell them it was self-defense, it was the truth after all. Lila agreed although she was nervous, she knew the whole Connor flying from the roof with a fucking toilet thing sounded ridiculous, she just hoped they believed them.

"No fuckin' way." The boys said in unison as they looked at her firmly. Lila squinted at them, her mouth set in a hard line.

"I'm sorry, did I ask for your permission?" Lila quirked a brow sounding annoyed. Murphy narrowed his eyes at her.

"Yer not comin' with' us te the station." He said firmly.

"We want te keep ye outta this Lila." Connor finished, looking at her sternly, it made her clench her jaw just a tad and her right eye twitched in annoyance.

"I'm already involved, my DNA is probably all over the scene and if they figured out about the loft then they already know about me." She snapped, glaring between the two of them.

"I'm going whether you like it or not, but it would be real fucking nice to have your support on this considering what just happened." She bit out, looking almost hurt. They glanced to the floor, her words reminding them of what could have been, it was enough to want her close anyway, the thought of leaving her alone was no longer appealing.

"Alright, guess we're goin' te the station then." Murphy sighed, resigned to it. Lila relaxed and looked to him gratefully and despite the fact he was still upset about earlier, her offer to put herself in harm's way for him and his brother, his heart melted at her.

He could have lost her, she could have gone through the worst shit possible, and somehow the three were still fucking standing. Murphy wrapped his arms around her, weaving a hand in her hair.

"I love ye m'girl, sorry for shoutin'." He said softly, sounding repentant.

"I love you too, both of you." She melted into his arms, his words easing the ache in her chest. She didn't like it when either of them were mad at her. They didn't get mad at her too often, and Connor least of all since it took so much to push him to that point. The only times when Connor had shouted at her were when Murphy choked on his food after the accident, and then just a few months ago when she accidentally taped over one of his movies. He was convinced her and Murphy had done it on purpose and it took two fucking days for him to get over and realise it had been an accident. She felt Connor wrap his arms around her too and she smiled to herself.

"I love ye lass." He mumbled into her hair, making her smile. They still had each other, they had stared death right in the face once again and they came out of it. Nothing was going to break them apart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my god, writing this has been like pulling teeth for me! I hate not having complete creative freedom loooool.**

**Send help.**

**Can we just talk about Murphy in the scene where Rocco brings the boys their clothes and rosaries at the station? Cause I watched it like a billion times and his laugh is the most precious thing to ever grace this world, it hurts my soul. o.O**

Lila sat between her boys, her fingers drumming anxiously on the table. They were in the interrogation room as Agent Smecker spoke to the boys. She had seen his questioning glances towards her, like he was figuring out how she fit into all this, which twin she was with. But the boys subconsciously gravitated towards her, Murphy's arm around her shoulder and Connors hand on her knee. She saw the look of realisation cross the man's face then, but he didn't comment on it. The way they were sat reminded Lila of the second time she had ever met the boys, when she had been feeling much better and introduced herself. How Connor got her to sit with them and have a drink, Murphy's arm around her, Connors hand on her knee. She thought they were just being friendly at the time, now looking back, they were probably trying to get in her pants. She would have gone along with it, but she had been so unaware they would even like her that way. Things worked out for the best though, she wouldn't change what happened with them for anything.

The boys were showing off their language skills, sneakily talking about the man himself as he looked on impressed. He settled his eyes onto her then with a smile.

"What about you doll? Can you speak any other languages?" He asked curiously.

"Just Irish. These two assholes always switch to something I can't understand when they don't want me to know something." She said dryly, rolling her eyes a little. The boys huffed out a laugh next to her and Smecker grinned. The man seemed decent enough, he believed their story, the evidence backed them up. It was self-defense and they were free to go, Lila was overwhelmed with relief. The boys had been clear they didn't want to talk to the press or want pictures, especially adamant about Lila being kept out of it all. They didn't need a price on their heads for what they had done, they didn't want anyone to know it was them, especially their fucking mother. They'd asked to stay at the station overnight, that way they could wait for the press to leave.

Lila sat on one of the cots in the cell. She didn't much like the idea of sleeping in a cell but it wouldn't be locked, they weren't being held at least. The boys had requested an extra bed and positioned them so they were right next to each other. They wouldn't be able to be such a tangle of limbs as they were used to, the beds would most likely shift in the night and one of them would fall down the gap, but at least they could still be close. The boys were playing cards with two officers when Rocco bound in, pile of clothes in hand.

"Yeah!" Murphy exclaimed excitedly, literally jumping up from where he sat. Rocco tossed the clothes on the cot just in time for Murphy to grab him in a big hug. Lila couldn't help but smile as Murphys beautiful boyish laugh filled up the cell. She loved that laugh, and she came very close not to hearing it ever again. Her smile vanished. Connor had gotten up too and Rocco produced the boys' rosaries, always the best friend he was and knowing they'd want them. Lila stood up and blinked at him. It hit her again just how close she had been to never seeing anyone again. She was so emotional it was driving her insane.

The three boys turned to her then, the boys picking up on her emotional state and Connor watched her carefully, Murphy gave her a sympathetic smile. Rocco grinned at her, almost running over and grabbing her in a bear hug, actually lifting her off her feet for a moment. When he set her feet back down and went to move away, she tightened her arms around him, burying her face in his neck as she tried to get a hold of herself, a few tears escaping. Rocco heard her sniffle and he frowned, he'd heard what had happened and he knew it must have been scary for them all. He just held her tight and rubbed her back soothingly. The twins cleared their throats behind them, and Lila finally released Rocco. Connor quirked a brow amused at her overly affectionate hug and Murphy squinted. It wasn't until they saw her wipe her eyes and sniffle a little that they realised how upset she was.

She hadn't really spoken much since they got here, they'd all been through a lot with this and they were all trying to deal with it. It had been hard for the boys, being faced with the reality of once again almost losing each other. For Connor, he knew what that felt like, Murphy had actually died on him once and like fuck he was going through that again. He would walk through the flames of hell to let his brother have one more breath on this planet, and it was his sheer overriding need to protect Murphy that had him launching himself from the fucking roof. Then there had been Lila. When he was cuffed to the toilet his mind was alight with every awful thing those assholes were going to do to her. There was no chance in hell he was going to let them do that to his lass. Murphy, he had his first real taste of having to control his rage. Held at gunpoint with his girl, he couldn't just go off on these pricks. Connor was fucking cuffed to a toilet and he couldn't take them on his own. He had been in between accepting their fate, begrudgingly of course, and also believing that God wouldn't allow this, that something, fucking anything would stop it from happening. Why would he be brought back from the other side, why would he and his brother survive what they did just for it to end like this? He knew there was more, he knew it wasn't their time. He didn't fucking expect that something to be his own twin throwing a bog off the roof and flying along right after it, that had been a surprise. But he guessed his brother's movies did come in handy after all.

The boys had been too busy dealing with their own emotions of it to really think about how their girl felt about it all. She had been there after all, witnessing it all. When they willed her to run in the loft, to just get out of there, they should have known she wouldn't have listened. And the second that gun got pointed at her, the boys shared such a blind fear they'd never felt before. And she fucking stood there, clutching a frying pan ready to attack, to help them. Connor might have laughed if the situation wasn't so life-threatening. All it took was Murphy's life being threatened and she dropped the pan with no hesitation, and they could see on her face how scared she was, how she knew she couldn't do shit about it. Murphy had been so mad at her, how she hadn't ran when he told her to, how she was ready to use a pan on these fuckers to try and help, like that would do any good and they wouldn't just shoot her. But now he could think back, he understood why she hadn't left them, because he knew he wouldn't either.

She seemed distant now, not as bad as after the car accident, but still a little off, and the boys worried about her. They didn't want her to go away again, it had been hard enough dealing with that after the whole Murphy thing. She needed to just let it out, to feel and deal with it. They were just glad she cried a little when she hugged Rocco, it was better than nothing.

She moved to sit back on the cot before the boys could move to her and they shared a look, she was putting off a definite vibe of not wanting to be touched and whilst Connor was happy to listen to her if that's what would make her feel better, Murphy hated it. He just wanted to curl around her, inhale her soothing scent, kiss her. His right hand twitched as he looked at her, desperate to go to her and touch her. Connor pat him on the back, snapping him out of it and giving him a pointed look. The officers had left and Rocco stayed for a bit, playing cards with the brothers and just having a laugh. Lila didn't join in, she just sat there for a while before laying down on her cot. She had put on her jeans now but was still wearing Murphy's shirt she slept in and the boys were in their jeans. She didn't realise she dozed off until the boys got in their own cots later after Rocco had left. They couldn't attach themselves to her like they usually did since the cots would move. So Connor reached out and rested a hand on her hip from behind her, Murphy taking the hand she had in front on her face. She blinked sleepily at him and he smiled, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing it sweetly. She couldn't help but smile back, and she rested her other hand over Connors on her hip. The boys relaxed, happy she was letting them touch her, be close to her. Everything felt right with the world when they were connected like this.

Thunder booming in the sky, Lila flinched in her sleep, her eyes fluttering around behind her closed eyelids. The priest's words from the St Patrick's day mass swirled around her head. She couldn't breathe, her body jerking in her sleep. Suddenly she gasped for air as her body lurched to sit up. She was panting and she jumped out of her skin when she heard the boys next to her.

"Destroy all that which is evil…"

"So that which is good may flourish."

Lila blinked at them, noticing they too were in the same state as her, she was still trying to catch her breath as she looked from one to the other, confused as hell. She had never shared a dream with the boys before, that was fucking new. The boys were looking at each other intensely before their eyes finally settled on the girl between them, her hand over her chest as she tried to breathe normally. They looked back to each other, concerned that she too had the dream.

They knew what that dream meant, they didn't need to analyse it or question it, they just _knew, _as clear as they just knew their own name. They were being called by God, to be his soldiers in a world gone awry. It made sense now, why Murphy had been brought back, his purpose alongside his brother. This was what they were here for. They were brought out of their thoughts by Lila.

"The fuck was that?" She whispered, furrowing her brow as she glanced from Connor to Murphy. They weren't sure what to say, she had their dream, she would have felt it. It seemed more like a rhetorical question than anything else and they didn't really know how to vocalise it. The boys knew things were about to change dramatically, and they weren't quite sure where their girl fit into it all. Connor lay back down, pulling Lila to lay too and putting his hand on her hip once again. She was still tired and confused so she complied, watching as Murphy lay back down in front of her and held her hand. Before long the three of them were back asleep.

Lila woke before the boys, she felt restless, the dream was bothering her, it didn't feel like an ordinary dream and it unsettled her beyond belief. She knew, she just knew what it meant for the boys, she had no idea what the fuck they'd do with the information, but she knew just as they did what was being asked of them, and she didn't like it one bit. She stood near the bars, just looking out and wondering what this meant for them all, when the boys woke up. She watched carefully as they sat up sleepily, pulling on their shirts. The boys' locked eyes for a minute and Lila tensed when she realised they seemed to be blocking her, even as tired as they were. She couldn't get a read on them and it irritated her. They turned to look at her then and she looked away, she didn't like how things were changing between them all. She heard a beeping and looked over, watching as Murphy grabbed the pager and tossed it to his brother.

"It's the fuckin' Russians pager." Murphy grumbled, rubbing his eyes as he tried to wake up more.

Connor nodded, standing and grabbing his coat and slinging it on, Murphy following suit. Connor grabbed Lilas hoodie and walked over, giving her a tentative smile as he held it for her, sliding it on her. She smiled back weakly, and zipped it up. He watched her carefully and rested his hands on her neck, just looking down at her. She blinked up at him, no words needed. Things were different now and none of them really knew what to expect, but none of them could fight it either. He leant down and kissed her lips softly, just wanting to be close to her for a moment. When he moved away, Murphy came over, tugging on her wrist to yank her closer to him with a boyish grin. She smiled up at him as she hit his chest. He wound a hand in her hair as his mouth captured hers, his kiss more demanding than his brothers had been. Her whole body tingled as his tongue caressed hers and suddenly he was pulled away, Connor smirking at them both and quirking a brow.

"Spoilsport." Murphy grumbled, giving his brother a good-natured punch to the arm.

They walked out of the cell and the cops cheered them, Lila was trailing behind Murphy and she snorted as the boy raised his arms, seemingly enjoying the attention. The cops were shaking their hands and smiling at her and she felt awkward as shit, inching closer to Murphy.

"Be right back." Connor muttered to Murphy, slinking off. Lila watched carefully as he made his way to the phone, pager in hand. A sense of dread washed over her, knowing what he was doing. Murphy wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close and snapping her attention to him instead of his brother. He gave her a reassuring smile and nuzzled her cheek affectionately, making her blush as the cops watched on. They were offered coffee and donuts and Lila sipped the coffee grateful for the fucking caffeine, it didn't quite taste like the coffee she was used to making at home, but it would do.

"What's this?" Murphy asked as a cop handed him the paper.

'_The Saints and Angel of South Boston'_

Lila blanched when she read the headline and Murphy quirked his brow.

"The Saints?" He asked sounding a little amused. He dipped his fingers in his coffee, flicking it at the cops like he was anointing them.

"The body o' Christ, the body o' Christ." He smirked, making Lila glance to him with a snort. He turned to look at her, giving her an innocent grin and she shook her head.

"Ye read that love? Yer an angel." He smirked devilishly at her, hand winding into her hair.

"Hardly." She snorted, her cheeks flushing.

Connor came back, taking her hand as he looked to Murphy, having a mental conversation she wasn't privy to and she chewed the inside of her cheek as she watched him.

"Alright, let's head home." He said, flashing her a grin, she didn't return it though and he frowned a little. She was silent the whole way home, the brothers talking in a language she couldn't understand, it was driving her insane that they were keeping shit from her, important shit if the dream she shared with them was anything to go by. When they made it to the loft, the door was on the floor and the toilet was obviously gone, leaving a puddle of wet behind.

"Fantastic." Lila huffed, taking her hoodie off and throwing it over the couch. Connor picked the door up and placed it against the wall, looking over the hinges, it could be fixed, wasn't the end of the world. The toilet though, well that was another matter.

"The empty apartment next door has a workin' toilet, guess we'll have te use that for now." Murphy sighed, glancing around the place. It felt weird being back here after what happened.

Lila noticed the screen on the floor, ruined from all the water from the toilet and she heaved a sigh. She jumped when Murphy came up behind her, resting his hands on her tummy.

"We've got some shit te take care o' m'girl, we'll be back soon." He whispered, kissing her neck sweetly. She tensed and moved away, turning to look at him firmly and glancing to his twin.

"Shit? Like what shit?" She asked bluntly, eyeing them both carefully. She had her ideas but she wanted to hear it from them. Murphy licked his lower lip and his eyes found the floor very interesting for a moment, Connor shifted on his feet feeling uncomfortable.

"Just somethin' we have te do sweetheart. We want ye te stay here and be safe." He stated vaguely, his voice firm as he looked her square in the eye, telling her she had no choice.

"I have a right to know what my _fiances_ are doing, don't you think?" She snapped, eyes blazing at their secrecy. They didn't keep shit from each other, now they were blocking her and being evasive. Connor sighed and Murphy looked at her forlornly.

"Lila, love, we don't need te tell ye, ye had the dream wit' us, ye already know." He said regretfully, not wanting to vocalize it, not wanting to leave her, but they had no choice. They could take care of shit then come back to their girl.

"Right, destroy all that which is evil, so that which is good may flourish… awesome. So whilst you two go out their playing superheroes, I'll just wait here and worry myself to death, that it?" She scoffed, shaking her head bitterly.

Murphy took a step forward, reaching for her hand but she took a step back out of his reach.

"Just go, if you don't, I won't let you leave." She bit out, not able to look at them. She understood they had to do it, she got it, she felt the dream, she couldn't explain it but she knew as well as they did that God had given them this task, she just couldn't figure out why it had to be her boys. They looked at her regretfully, wanting nothing more than to kiss and hug her goodbye, but she had shut them out. They understood her apprehension, the fact she would indeed just be sat there worried for them didn't sound appealing to them either, but they sure as shit weren't taking her with them.

"We love ye Lila." They said in unison, heading to the door and casting her one last longing glance.

"I love you too." She whispered, sitting on the bed and running her hands through her wild hair.

The boys disappeared through what was once the door and she tried to will away the lump in her throat. She could try to keep herself busy whilst they were gone, try not to think about the fact they were off on some vigilante mission from God, that anything could go wrong, they weren't exactly experts at killing bad guys just because they killed two with a fucking toilet.

"How the fuck did this even happen?" She asked herself, a bitter tone to her voice. She heaved a sigh and got up, first on her agenda was fixing the door, she felt unsettled just out in the open like this.

An hour later and she was stood with Mr O'Keefe as he finished fixing the door. She pulled out a $20 from her pocket and handed it to him but he shook his head and gave her a warm smile.

"No lass, those boy o' yers did good. Ye don't need te pay me." His words unsettled her, of course the people here knew, the FBI and cops had been around asking questions. But the old man's smile made her relax just slightly, he was on their side. She knew this neighbourhood was 100% Irish and none of them were about to rat them out that these three were the ones in the paper. Only the people living here would connect the dots. She just nodded, giving him a weary smile before he left.

She glanced to the toilet, or lack thereof, she couldn't really do much about that one. She'd need to buy a new one, but she didn't know how much it would cost. For now they could just use the one next door like Murphy suggested. She needed to mop up all the water though. She grabbed all the towels they had, soaking up the water. The towels were a mess when she was finally done and she went to the fire escape, tossing them over and watching them land in the dumpster. The same dumpster Murphy was next to, on his knees at gunpoint. Her gut clenched, wondering where they were, if they were okay.

She spent the rest of the night cleaning, trying to scrub every trace of the Russians existence from the place. When she was done she felt a little better, but she still hadn't heard from the boys, they weren't back and she hadn't had a phone call. She switched on the tv and just sat there for a while watching, and then the news came on. Her eyes widened as they reported the murders in Copley Plaza, she knew it was them, it had to be. But if they were done, where the fuck were they? She ended up falling asleep from exhaustion on the couch waiting for them, not being able to keep her eyes open any longer.


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm using both the script and the movie to help with dialogue and shit, using just the movie was proving too time-consuming. The script is so different to the movie, it's crazy. I'm taking some liberties with the timeline, the movie has me confused. St Patty's day back then was on a Wednesday, but when Rocco talks about hitting the Sin Bin to get Vincenzo, he says he's there every Wednesday, but it doesn't seem like a week goes by before they do it, I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something, either way, if the timeline seems weird, I'm being creative to be able to fit my own shit inside the canon stuff. **

**Mad props to fanfic writers that always write their fics canon, cause this shit is hard as fuckkk.**

Lila woke the next morning with a start, and her head whipped around, eyes scanning the loft for the boys in hopes they came home when she was asleep and didn't want to wake her. She was alone though, the loft felt eerie without them and her stomach lurched. Why didn't they come back? Or at least call? What if something happened? She needed to get out of the fucking loft. Maybe she should buy some new towels for when the boys got back. She got dressed in some clean jeans and a dark green shirt, slinging on her hoodie and boots and throwing her hair up in a messy high ponytail before she left.

She was almost at the store when she saw Rocco at a payphone, she blinked for a moment, he looked tense and weird, she wondered if maybe he had heard from the boys. She started to make her way over when she saw him cross the street, going into the deli. She followed after him and walked through the door, just in time to see Rocco shooting someone. Her eyes widened and she almost fell on her ass as Rocco took out another almost instantly and then came over, shooting the man behind the counter, yelling like he'd lost his damn mind. Suddenly he turned the gun on her, eyes wild as he stared at her. When he realised it was her, she saw confusion cross his face before he stuffed the gun in his jeans and grabbed her wrist, dragging her out of there.

"We gotta go! We gotta fuckin' go!" He yelled, dragging her so fast she almost tripped a few times. She didn't have the chance to protest as he stuffed her in the passenger side of his car, getting in and pulling out with a screech.

"What the fuck Rocco?!" She yelled, looking at him like he had grown three heads. She had just witnessed her best friend fucking kill three people in broad daylight. Had everyone she knew lost their fucking minds?! He was yelling incoherently, something about being set up, and Lila was struggling to keep up with him.

"This is all your fuckin' boys fault!" He shouted, hitting the steering wheel. He was going so fast Lila thought she might get thrown from the car.

"What?! You know?" She asked warily, she didn't know how else to take his words.

"Of course I fuckin' know, I walked in after they took out those nine fuckin' guys at the Plaza! Fuck!" Lila blinked at him, looking at him confused.

"Rocco, where are they?" She asked firmly, making him glance to her. He was dripping in sweat and looked like he was about to crawl out of his skin.

"They're at my place, we went back there last night and got wasted." He muttered, eyes darting everywhere as he made a sharp turn and Lilas head almost hit the window.

"They're with you?!" She roared, making his eyes widen as he looked at her, he just blinked not knowing what to say.

"They couldn't even fucking call me to tell me they're alive?!" She was fucking furious and Rocco knew he'd landed them in shit.

"You know about the shit they're doin'? Some crazy ass bullshit if you ask me." He ran a hand through his damp wild hair.

Lilas' chest was heaving, she had been so worried and they'd been at Rocco's, they knew she'd be at the loft yet they didn't even bother to call her to ease her worries. Rocco looked at her and he could see just how pissed she was.

"Shit, I didn't think you knew alright? Shit's been fuckin' hectic. Fuck! I can't believe I just…" Lila focused on staring out the window and Rocco preceded to tell her everything he knew, from the second the boys dragged him in the Plaza with masks on, to him fucking killing the cat by accident, everything up to what led him to commit murder in the deli. She wasn't sure if he was telling her for her benefit or his, like he needed to just get it all out there to make sense of it all.

When they got to his place, he hit the brakes so hard that she yelped, he was gone in an instant, running into his house like a mad man. Lila got out, following after him slowly, still angry to fuck at the boys and she could hear Rocco yelling at them to pack their shit.

"Alright, I love this shit!" She heard Murphy yell excitedly, she would have smiled if she didn't want to throttle the shit out of him. There was more shouting and as she finally made her way to his front door, Rocco was waving his gun around as he shouted at Donna and her friend, both of them clearly high as fuck. She saw the boys stuffing things in bags and they hadn't noticed her yet, but then she looked back to Rocco as he pointed a gun at Donna's friend as he screamed at her, the woman was wailing and Lila squinted unimpressed with her best friend. He'd seriously lost his fucking shit.

"Rocco! Put it the fuck down!" She yelled, storming over and tugging his arm away.

The boys' heads snapped up hearing her voice and they stilled completely seeing her there. Rocco groaned, stuffing the gun back in his pants as he looked to Lila with a regretful sigh. When she turned back around, the boys looked at her with such guilty scared faces and she narrowed her eyes at them.

"Let's get the fuck outta here!" Rocco grumbled, pushing Lila out of the door and the boys following behind with bags. Murphy reached for her arm and she yanked it away from him, giving him such an intense look he actually recoiled.

"Lila…" Connor started, frowning at her. She just turned her back and followed Rocco who was still muttering to himself.

Connor sighed as they got to the car, looking to Rocco who still looked halfway to insane.

"Listen Roc, did anybody see ye?" Connor asked, looking to his friend concerned. Shooting up the deli in the middle of the day was hardly a good plan.

"Of course they fucking saw him! He lost his fucking shit, he pulled his gun on _me_!" Lila shouted, making Rocco's eyes widen and look at her guilty.

"Ye did what?!" Murphy yelled, smacking Rocco upside the head.

"Wait a fuckin' minute, Lila was _there_? Ye left tegether?" Connor asked carefully, glancing from Lila to Rocco. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put the pieces together, if people saw Rocco do it and then leave with Lila, she was wanted just as much. Whether that was by the police or by the mafia themselves.

"For Christ sake Roc! Now look what ye've done!" Murphy growled, kicking the side of the car in frustration. Rocco raked a hand through his hair, tugging on it a little, looking more than guilty.

"I wouldn't have been at the deli if I hadn't woken up alone, worried about you two fuck heads. I left the loft to distract myself." Lila glared at the twins, making sure they fucking knew they were in deep shit with her.

"Lila, look, we're sorry alright?" Connor sighed, looking at her warily. She just scoffed bitterly.

"Yeah okay… You went off and killed a bunch of assholes, then decided to get shit faced with Rocco. You didn't even think about me, it's like I don't even exist anymore!" She sneered, fists clenching by her sides.

"O' course we thought about ye, how can ye even say that?" Murphy frowned, getting upset as he stared at her.

"Don't fucking lie to me! If you thought about me even once, you would have used your fucking brain and called me!" She yelled, shoving Murphy hard in the chest, venting her anger out on the closest twin. He stumbled back a minute before he pushed her back with a scowl, lightly of course otherwise she would have flown backwards, but it was enough to make her growl at him.

"We had a lot o' shit goin' on! Doesn't mean we didn't think about ye!" He snapped, getting in her face. She didn't back down though as she glared at him.

"And whose faults that? You two chose to go out there and do what you did, all you had to do was let me know you were fucking okay." She seethed. Connor grabbed her arm and pulled her away from Murphy as Lila continued her stare off with him.

She shook Connor off her and got in the back of the car, slamming the door behind her. The twins shared a look and sighed. They knew they'd messed up. They should have called her. There wasn't really a good enough excuse not to have called her. They were dealing with this new calling and had a lot going on with them, they just thought she would be asleep by the time they were done and they planned on checking in with her in the morning. They knew they'd fucked up, seeing how upset she was, how worried she had been, the guilt settled into their bones and they weren't sure how to make it up to her, not when they knew they were not finished carrying out their special brand of justice. There were more people to get rid of now, and they weren't sure how Lila was going to deal with it.

Rocco got in the back with her whilst Connor took up driving, Murphy in the passenger seat with his leg up on the dash. Lila remained silent and Rocco kept looking at her like a kicked puppy.

"You know I wasn't gonna shoot you, right?" He asked quietly, not wanting the boys to hear, they were already mad enough that he had pulled a gun on their girl.

"I know Roc, don't worry, you're fine." She gave him a weak smile and he relaxed, feeling better. He hadn't really expected the girl to just be there at the deli, he felt like he'd really got her knee-deep in shit now, she was associated with him after what he did.

They were on their way to Rocco's mom's house, she was out of town and it seemed like a good place to hide out for now.

"Connor, stop the car! Stop the fuckin' car man!" Rocco exclaimed, making Lila jump a little as Connor pulled the car up. It was outside what looked to be a strip club and Lila quirked a brow at Rocco.

"Vincenzo, that fat mother fucker, Yakavetta's right hand. He's the one who set me up. Then he went around shootin' his mouth off, tellin' everyone I was as good as dead. He goes in there every Wednesday night around 10:00, he jerks off to the same titty dancer. Never misses." He spoke animatedly, eyes flitting from one brother to another. Lilas' eyes narrowed slightly, starting to see why Rocco was telling them this and not liking it one bit.

"Yeah, so?" Murphy looked back at him, quirking a brow.

"So let's kill the motherfucker! I mean, what are you guys... like that's your new thing right?!" He asked, sitting forward a little, his eyes going wild again. Lila shifted in her seat feeling fucking uncomfortable. They were talking about killing someone. A bad person yeah, but still a fucking person. When did her boys and Rocco start acting like talking about murder was just taking someone out for dinner?

Connor pulled a face and looked to his brother before back in front of him.

"Yeah...well…" He sounded hesitant, waving his hand dismissively.

"Oh, what the fuck? I mean, who makes the cut? Is there a raffle or somethin'?!" Rocco asked exasperatedly. Lila might have laughed at his reaction if it wasn't for the fact they were talking about murder.

"Well te tell ye the truth, those first ones, they just sorta fell inte our laps." Murphy admitted as he glanced back at Rocco again, his eyes falling onto Lila. She wasn't looking at any of them and he could see she was feeling awkward about the whole thing. He felt bad for shouting at her, it had just hurt him, offended him for her to say he hadn't thought about her, he always fucking thought about her. He reached back hesitantly, fingers brushing her knee softly, making her eyes snap to his. For a brief second, he saw his beautiful Lila, eyes full of love and adoration, but it was like she remembered she was mad at them and suddenly her eyes went cold before she looked away. He moved his hand with a sigh feeling the sting of rejection build in his chest.

"Well, what d'ya do?" Rocco asked confused, looking between the boys.

"We haven't really got a system for decidin' who Roc, its uh…" Connor stumbled, trying to find the right words for his strangely excited friend. Rocco looked between them both getting more and more worked up, he looked like he was about to burst at the seams.

"ME! Me! I'm the guy! I know everyone! Their habits, who they hang out with, who they talk to. I got phone numbers! Addresses! I know who they're fuckin'! I know where they live!... We could kill everyone…" He sounded so in awe of his own plan and Lila slowly turned to look at him like he was crazy. Murphy pursed his lips like he was actually thinking about it as he turned to his brother.

"So, what do ye think?" He asked seriously, making Lila roll her eyes and shake her head.

"I'm strangely comfortable with it." Connor replied nonchalantly, making Murphy smirk as Rocco huffed a laugh.

"This is...wow...you assholes have really lost your damn minds." Lila muttered, pressing closer to the door. She knew these guys, these guys who were more boys than men most of the time and now they were fucking killers, what world did she fucking wake up in for this shit to happen?

Connor looked at her through the rearview mirror as Murphy glanced around at her, hearing her words. They chose not to say anything, they would talk to her once they got to Rocco's mother's house, where Connor hoped to have a serious and civil conversation. They set off driving again and it didn't take too long to get there. Lila got out, avoiding the boys and following Rocco inside. She glanced around curiously before moving into the kitchen, helping herself to a glass of water because she fucking needed one.

"We need te talk." She heard Connors serious voice behind her. She scoffed into the glass before slamming it down, turning to face him and his twin who was stood to his right.

"Stating the obvious there." She sassed, crossing her arms over her chest. Murphy licked his lower lip, glaring at her almost and Connor heaved a sigh.

"Look, ye know we have te do this, ye know why, ye had the dream. We can't just ignore what Gods asked us te do." He said exasperatedly, frowning at her.

Lila looked at him with so much pain for a moment it made the boys breathless and she shook her head.

"It might have slipped your attention, but never once did I ask you not to go out there and do this, never once have I told you not to go. All I asked was that you tell me if you're safe and you couldn't even manage that." She stated with hurt lacing her words, looking at them both. The boys glanced to each other then, she was right. They hadn't really noticed she hadn't asked them not to do this, she hadn't tried to use their love for her to manipulate them into staying at home with her. She hadn't asked anything of them other than knowing they were okay, and that just made them feel like huge assholes. They knew if the shoe was on the other foot, and they had been worried about her like that and she had been fine all along, there would have been hell to pay. They had let her down, _again_.

"Look, we're sorry alright? We should have called ye, we don't have a good reason and we can't turn back time. All we can do is just apologise." Connor sighed regretfully as he wiped a hand over his face, looking at her imploringly.

"I get it, you didn't think about me. Because whatever this is, this new life of yours, there's no room for me in it." She said bitterly, turning around to fill her glass up again, she was starting to feel lightheaded, this drama was too much for her.

"Don't say that." Murphy muttered sadly, if she would have looked at him she would have seen the hurt all over his face.

"There is fuckin' room for ye Lila, it's right beside us, as it's always been. I'm not gonna lie te ye and tell ye things are the same, 'cause they aren't, but yer place is still by our side. That'll never change." Connor said firmly, stepping forward and turning her to face them.

She couldn't look them in the eye and she focused on Connors rosary dangling in front of his chest. She knew they were good men, she knew why they were doing what they were doing, she knew it was a good thing, something that needed to be done. It was still a hard pill to swallow that the people tasked with ridding the world of such evil were her boys. She only had two options; walk away and forget about them, or stick around and just get used to their new line of work and pray they'd be okay. There was no way in hell she was going to walk away, so she needed to make peace with this. She couldn't stay angry at them forever.

"Promise me one thing." She said softly, finally meeting his eyes before looking over his shoulder at Murphy, the darker twin with his sad eyes that made her heart ache.

"Anythin' m'girl." Murphy insisted almost desperately, his eyes not leaving hers.

"Don't pull that shit again. I was worried sick about you two and that's not okay. If you can't come home to me, you fucking get a hold of me somehow so I know you're fine." She demanded firmly.

"We promise." The boys replied without hesitation. They knew they had made a mistake. They had been selfish and they wouldn't do it again. They had made her think she had no place with them anymore and that shit wasn't acceptable. Her place was always in between them, no matter what, and they needed to show her that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Some fluff, cause I don't know about you, but I need it. Shits intense.**

Three days had passed, it was now Tuesday. They had to wait for Wednesday for Vincenzo to be at the Sin Bin and they had hidden out at Rocco's mother's house in the meantime, making a plan. It had been strange for Lila to get used to, seeing guns laying about the place or watching her boys clean them, listening to them talking about it all. She tried to distract herself by cleaning and cooking, Rocco's mother would be out of town with family for over a month so they had time to stay here. She thought back to the loft, the place that was once her lovely home with the boys. All of their stuff was still there; Murphy's camera. She knew he'd have no use for it now but she thought about all the pictures he had taken, maybe she could get them developed.

She stood in the kitchen and dumped her morning coffee down the sink, she wasn't sure if the stress of everything was getting to her but she felt sickly and coffee was turning her stomach. She sighed and walked into the living room where the boys and Rocco sat on the couches talking about the plan for the next night.

"I need to head out for a little bit." Lila said as she grabbed her hoodie. The boys' conversation stopped dead and they turned to look at her.

"Like fuck yer leavin'." Connor looked at her incredulously.

"What he said." Murphy chimed in, scowling at her.

"Look, I need to grab some shit, if I need a chaperone I'm sure Rocco can come with me." She stated dryly, grabbing her bag. Rocco glanced up at her, quirking a brow before looking almost nervously to the boys. The boys frowned as they watched her. She hadn't been mad at them since they sorted it out but she hadn't been as close as normal either. They slept in the same bed in the main bedroom but she seemed to avoid any affection otherwise. They had only managed to sneak a few chaste kisses from her when she was distracted. They wondered why she didn't want them to accompany her.

"I...uh… I dunno Lila." Rocco hesitated, looking from her to the boys, obviously worried he'd get his ass kicked.

"There's something I want to do, you'll find out when I get home. But I'm going alone or with Rocco, so it's your choice." She sighed, looking to Connor and then Murphy. They shared a look, confused but also defeated. They weren't going to let her go anywhere alone with the shit storm they had created looming over them all. Connor waved a hand, letting Rocco know to go and he got up, grabbing his coat. He left with her and they made their way to his car. She got in the passenger side and heaved a sigh.

"You wanna tell me what the fuck we're doin'?" Rocco asked warily as he got in the car.

"I need to head to the loft, I want some of my stuff. I need Murphy's camera and then I want to get the pictures developed." She said, nibbling her lower lip as she glanced almost shyly at him. His face softened then, giving her his usual Rocco smile that warmed her heart, reminding her he wasn't just a crazy killer, he was her lovable caveman best friend.

They went to the loft and it didn't take long for Lila to pack up some shit, mainly clothes for her and the boys and Murphy's camera. She eyed some of Connors books on the way out and decided to stuff some in her bag in case he wanted to read them, if he had fucking time that was. They found a place to get the pictures done in a part of town where no one would recognise them. They sat inside whilst they waited, side by side in silence. Rocco had been quiet, sensing her mood, he had cracked a few jokes and made her laugh a few times but he could sense she was still feeling weird about the whole thing.

"So, friend to friend, how you holdin' up?" He asked warily as he glanced at her. She chewed her lower lip as she just stared off at nothing.

"I'm doing alright I guess. Still just trying to...grasp it really." She admitted quietly. Rocco nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, I get it. I mean when I first found out...I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes, you know?" He sighed, looking at her. She nodded but didn't say anything and another few moments of silence followed.

"They're good guys you know." Rocco mumbled, like he had to defend the boys to her. She looked at him fully then, looking almost incredulous.

"I know they are Rocco. I know why they're doing it, it's just strange, to see them like this. They're different. So are you." She said softly. He shifted in his seat to fully look at her, taking her hand in his as he gave her a small smile.

"I know. Shits fuckin' insane. But we're still us." He reassured her, squeezing her hand. She couldn't help but smile back.

"I don't know how much they told you, did they tell you about the dream?" She asked him curiously. He nodded, wondering where she was going with this.

"I had it too. I've never questioned their mission for a second because I know, I felt it. I know why they're doing what they're doing. It'll take some getting used to, having them in harm's way, worrying so much, seeing this side to them, but I understand why. I have since the moment we woke up in that cell." She admitted, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

Rocco's eyes widened a little. He wasn't aware she had the same dream and he wasn't sure how that worked since she wasn't a twin like the boys were. They had never told him about their connection, their shared bond, and the telepathy, so he didn't understand. He believed her though, and he gave her a winning smile that she was on their side.

"You still love them then?" He asked warily, looking at her through his mane of hair. She squinted a little at him and squeezed his hand a little too tight, making him flinch.

"Of course I do, I could never stop loving them." She said firmly, making him grin happily. He was as invested in the three of them as they were, it was cute.

The clerk called them once their pictures were done and Lila looked through them on the way home. It made her heart ache seeing the ones Murphy had taken of them. There were ones of her on her own, a lot of her sleeping, the little creeper. There were a few of her and Connor when they had been unaware Murphy was lurking with his camera, Lila on Connors' knee, snuggled up to him as he read to her. Connor was glancing down at her lovingly, a smile on his face as Lila had her eyes closed content. There were even some of her and Murphy, he had used the self-timer on the camera and got a few with her. Her favourite was one he had surprised her with. She had been making breakfast, her hair awry and she was just in his shirt. She was so unaware he got Connor to hold the camera, adjusting it in his hands and fixing the lens to get it just right. Murphy had grabbed her, kissing her breathless and the picture was taken just after, when she was looking up at him adoringly with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. The boy was looking down at her like she was a precious gem he just found. A beaming smile on his boyish face. That one had been a joint effort really since Connor took the picture but he had been under strict instruction from Murphy on how to do it.

Then there was one of the three of them sat on the bed, Murphy had wanted a 'family photo' as he called it and set the camera on the table after he fiddled with it mercilessly. He had set the timer wrong though and when it went off, the boys were bickering, Lila in between them laughing her ass off. It was just them in a nutshell, one moment captured forever. Seeing these memories hurt her a little, knowing things were different, but Rocco was right. They were still those boys, they hadn't changed that much. They had a purpose but they were still her Connor and Murphy. And seeing these pictures was all she needed to remind her of that. She was smiling like an idiot all the way home, excited to see them and show them.

Lila had shown Rocco some on the way home, leaving out the ones Murphy had took that time she had sex with Connor. He had been tasteful but seeing her own face like that, like she was in heaven, it made her blush and there was no way in hell she was showing Rocco those. It was embarrassing enough knowing the people who developed the pictures saw them. When he pulled up, she leant over, kissing his cheek with a grin and he blushed a little bashfully.

"Thank you Rocco." She beamed at him. He saw the change in her after seeing the pictures and it warmed his heart to see his best friend back to her normal self. He grinned back and nodded. She got out and bounded inside excitedly. The boys were sat on the couch side by side watching a movie on the tv and when they saw her, their eyes brightened. Their smiles widened when they saw how happy she was and they felt their chest swell. Their love for her was overwhelming.

The boys shifted automatically as she walked over, making room for her in between them.

"Look what I got!" She grinned, so full of happiness that the boys couldn't help but be happy themselves. She handed them both an envelope each, she had got two copies of them all so the boys didn't fight over who got what picture. They looked at her curiously before looking to each other. They opened the envelopes in unison and when they pulled the pictures out it felt like time stopped. Murphy let out an incredulous laugh as he looked at the pictures, he couldn't believe their girl had done this for them. Connor was grinning as he flicked through them, snorting occasionally when one made him laugh. When they got to the last one, the one of the three of them, Murphy felt a lump in his throat and even Connor felt his chest tighten a little. Murphy glanced to Lila, eyes shining with tears and he didn't even know what to say. Having these moments to look at, it meant more to him than he could even say. He was trying to get a hold of himself because Rocco was sat right fucking there in the armchair and he didn't want to cry and embarrass himself.

"Fuck, I'm starved, I'm gonna grab some of that leftover lasagna from last night." Rocco excused himself, sensing the emotional atmosphere and wanting to make himself scarce. When he was gone, Murphy put the pictures on the coffee table, leaning forward and lowering his head as he took a shaky breath. Lila watched him carefully as his shoulders started to shake. She glanced to Connor worried and Connor looked on concerned. Lila slid off the couch, sliding onto her knees in front of her sensitive twin, seeing his face in his hands as he cried quietly. Connor shifted into Lilas seat, wrapping an arm around his brother.

"Come now Murph, why ye cryin'?" He asked softly, tightening his arm around his brother. Murphy sniffled, raising his head a little and meeting Lilas' eyes. Her heart stopped and her breathing hitched seeing him like this.

"I fuckin' miss it, how it was. I miss this, us." He lamented, shaking his head. Lila fought her own tears, she knew that feeling because she felt it herself on the way home as she looked through them.

She reached out, taking his face in her hands and wiping his tears away.

"I miss it too. But we're still here, together." She whispered softly, letting him wrap his arms around her and pull her close. Connors free hand went into her hair and rubbed her scalp affectionately. Her words meant she had turned a corner from how she had been with the pair. How distant she had been. They were back to being them now, the way they were. Or as much as they could given the circumstance.

"It'll be alright Murph aye? We've been through worse." Connor muttered, kissing his brother on the head affectionately. Murphy nodded, smiling just a little. Everything felt right like this with his brother by his side and his girl in his arms. He too could see the difference in her, and it eased some of the tightness in his chest that Lila had come back to them fully. He moved away and snorted at himself, wiping his eyes.

"Fuck, sorry. Always the emotional one." He laughed self deprecatingly. Lila smiled up at him, leaning in to kiss his lips sweetly. Connor grinned and pat him on the back, glad things seemed to be returning to normal. The pictures had stirred up emotions inside of himself he was dealing with, his love for the pair of them feeling stronger than ever. He loved how their lass thought of doing this for them and he had no doubt both he and his brother would be carrying one of the pictures of her in their back pockets from now on.

"Ye want a drink m'girl?" Murphy asked, not needing to ask his brother since he knew he wanted one anyway.

"No thanks Murph." She smiled up at him, making him nod as he got up and went into the kitchen. Connor reached out and stroked her cheek, making Lila lean into his touch. It pleased him beyond words as he looked at her adoringly.

"So… We're okay?" He asked hesitantly, looking wary of even asking.

"We're better than okay Connor. It'll take some getting used to and I'll always worry, but I love you both, I always will." She said sincerely, blinking up at him with her big blue eyes. A wide grin made its way onto his face at her words, his heart squeezing in his chest.

"Good, we love ye too, nothin' will ever change that." He leant in, capturing her lips in a soft kiss and she melted into him.

Things were different now, things would never go back to exactly how they were, but they were all still the same people and they all still had each other. They had been through so much together and always came out the other side, there was no doubt this would be the same. They all needed each other. The mission the boys were on was a dangerous one, it was intense, and Lila was their home, wherever she was, that was where their home was. They needed her to keep them grounded, to make sure they would stay safe and cautious on missions in order to get home to her. The papers had called her an angel, and it seemed fitting since the brothers had always referred to her as such when talking about her. Their angel sent from God, their gift. Almost like their reward for the work they were now doing. There wasn't anything that could tear them apart, it was the three of them forever and nothing was going to change that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Anxiety, murder and serious talks.**

Wednesday, the day of the Sin Bin. Lila had been an anxious mess all day, clucking round like a mother hen asking the boys if they had all their shit ready, if they had enough ammo, if the guns were clean. The boys were exasperated with her but it was endearing at the same time how worried she was. They understood her acceptance over the situation, but they knew it was still shitty for her, having to just wait at home and worry until they got back. So they were patient with her constant mothering, giving her smiles and being reassuring. She had just followed Murphy into the kitchen with a barrage of questions, the same questions she'd been asking all day.

"Yes m'girl, we got everythin'." Murphy sighed for the millionth time as he turned to face her, giving her a smile. He took both her hands and he was surprised to feel them shaking slightly, the poor girl really was scared, it made his heart ache a little. He pulled her closer, hands going either side of her face as he looked down at her.

"We're comin' back aye? Don't need te worry so much, we'll always come back home te ye." He whispered firmly, looking her dead in the eye with such confidence it made her relax just a little. The boys clearly believed in themselves, she should believe in them too. God wouldn't have sent them on this mission if they couldn't do it after all. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself as she nodded, making Murphy give her a beautiful smile. He leant down, capturing her lips with his own, hand tangling into her hair and pulling her even closer if that was possible. She melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck as his tongue tangled with hers, dominating her mouth. When he pulled away, she was breathless, looking up at him with that dazed look that always gave him a surge of male pride. He flashed her a boyish grin and she couldn't help but smile back, kissing his cheek sweetly before moving away to let him finish what he was doing.

She glanced at Connor then, watching as he stuffed some rope into a bag. She quirked her brow wondering what on earth he'd be using that for but didn't ask. She walked over tentatively, trying to channel some of Murphy's confidence. She didn't want them to think she didn't believe in them, she was just worried. She loved them, of course she'd be worried. Connor stopped what he was doing as he saw her, watching her carefully with an amused smile.

"Yes mother, I have what I need." He teased playfully, making her blush and look at the floor. He felt guilty then, he had only been joking, he didn't want to embarrass the poor girl. He closed the gap between them, hands either side of her neck as he looked down at her lovingly.

"I'm only teasin' sweetheart, I know ye mean well." He said softly, thumbs stroking her neck as her hands rested on his chest.

"I just...worry." She replied, her brow furrowed a little.

"I know ye do lass, but we'll be fine and be back wit' ye soon enough." He promised, looking at her earnestly. She gave him a little smile and nodded, leaning into him as he kissed her firmly. His kiss was slow but sensual, taking his time to claim her mouth. Her knees went weak and when he pulled away she blinked up at him, making him smirk at her. He kissed her forehead before turning back to his task at hand.

She turned to look at Rocco then, he was fidgety and she couldn't work out of he was nervous or excited. He was the variable that had been thrown in. He hadn't had the dream, the calling from God, yet at the same time, everything happens for a reason. He was on this mission by God too in his own right, things had been aligned to make it so and despite Rocco not being as devout as the boys, she knew his mission was just as holy deep down under the surface. It was meant to be, just as God wanted it, like everything else. He saw her walk over and he gave her a lopsided grin, pulling her in for a hug instantly. She smiled to herself as she wrapped her arms around him.

"We'll be fine, you'll see." Was all he said, and Lila nodded, squeezing him a little before moving away.

"Just ...be safe." She said softly as she looked up at him, he smiled and nodded to her.

The boys slung on their coats, grabbing their bags and they glanced to her. She was wringing her hands looking ready to climb out of her own skin and they knew how hard it was for her to just let them go. They were grateful she wasn't making this too hard on them, she wasn't begging them not to go, making a huge scene and making them feel guilty. Because honestly, if she did that, they probably wouldn't step out of the door. She was just worried and that was understandable.

"I...uh.. Just be careful and for fuck sake, have each others back." She demanded firmly, looking between the three of them.

"Always." The boys replied in unison, Rocco nodding in agreement as he stood next to them. Lila stepped closer, giving Rocco one last quick hug before moving over to the boys. She wrapped her arms around them both and they just took a moment, the three of them connected, taking strength from each other.

Since they had started this mission from God, they had been pretty closed off from her with their bond. She knew they were probably trying to protect her from knowing too much, but it bothered her to feel not as close to them. Being linked like this, they were still closed off but she felt that spark light between them, the way it always did when the three were connected, completing the circuit. The boys kissed either side of her head before moving away. Connor gave her a confident smile but Murphy looked at her sympathetically, he didn't really want to leave her. He didn't want her to sit there worried about them. He wanted nothing more than to be curled around her and just be with her. But he knew he had to do this, it was God's mission, why he came back from the dead. He was God's soldier now, a shepherd, as was his twin, and they had to see this through.

"We love ye Lila." The twins said, once more in unison. It always made her smile when they did that.

"I love you both too." She replied softly, stepping back so they could leave before she decided to cling to them like a barnacle on a fucking ship. She understood their righteous mission, but she was scared, and it was so tempting to just throw herself at them and beg them not to go. She wouldn't though, it wasn't her place to argue with God. They had been called for a reason and it wasn't her job to interfere with that. Connor had told her that her place was by their side as it had always been, her job was to be here for them. To wait for them and help them in any way she could. To believe in them and let them carry out God's work. She watched as the boys cast her one more look, giving her loving smiles before they left the door. She felt the lump form in her throat then and she took a shaky breath trying to will it away. She needed to stay strong for them, they believed in themselves wholeheartedly. She wished she could do the same, and she did believe in them, but she was also worried sick which overrode the belief because she loved them. It was hard not to worry when they were doing something so dangerous.

She tried to occupy herself, she cleaned even though the place was already spotless, and then she sat down with one of Connors books. When she looked through her bag she blushed seeing the copy of Romeo and Juliet, remembering just what happened the last time she read that. She opted for Macbeth instead. She kept glancing at the clock nervously as she read and when she heard the door open, she stood up and dropped the book. Connor walked in first and she ran over, launching herself at him. He caught her just in time, hands on her ass as her legs wrapped around him and she kissed him hard. He squeezed her ass and kissed her back just as hard and when she broke the kiss, he looked at her thoroughly amused at his greeting.

"Fuck me, remind _me_ te walk in first next time." Murphy grumbled as he walked past them, scowling at his brother good-naturedly. Lila smiled down at Connor, glad they were back, glad they were okay. He set her down and she went over to Murphy, grabbing his shirt and yanking him towards her. His lips found hers effortlessly and he kissed her almost bruisingly, the pair of them getting lost in themselves. He gave her a devilish smirk when she moved away and she blushed slightly with a smile.

"I missed you both." She said softly, looking at him through her long lashes, it stole his fucking breath away.

"You miss me?" Rocco asked, making them all look to him. He smirked suggestively and opened out his arms, causing Murphy to tut and reach over, thwacking him over the head. Lila laughed and shook her head as Connor looked on amused.

"Of course I missed you Roc." Lila grinned, walking over and wrapping his arms around his middle, squeezing him as he hugged her back. When she moved away he gave her his usual grin.

"Not quite the same greetin' as the boys, but I'll fuckin' take it." He smirked. Lila huffed a laugh as this time Connor reached over and hit him around the head.

The boys took their coats off and Lila walked over to Connor, Murphy coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her, head resting on her shoulder as his hands rested on her stomach. Lila was exhausted now from all the worrying and it was late, she looked up at Connor and played with the bottom on his shirt.

"When are you coming to bed?" She asked softly, leaning into his touch when he stroked her cheek affectionately. It was nice coming back to their beautiful girl after doing what they did, keeping them grounded, reminding them why they were doing what they were doing. She felt Murphy nuzzle her neck sweetly and she smiled.

"Roc just wants te talk te us about some shit, then we'll be right in." Connor replied, giving her a warm smile as he leant forward and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. Murphy kissed her cheek before releasing her and the boys moved away. She gave them a smile before walking off to the bedroom they were staying in.

She got undressed and into Murphy's shirt that she slept in, slipping into bed in the middle as usual. They had their own routine even for sleeping. She would lay on her side with Connor spooning her and Murphy would either curl around her like he was climbing a fucking tree, or lay on his back so she could lay her head on his chest. It depended on how needy he was feeling at the time. She started to drift off, feeling more relaxed now the boys were back and knowing they were okay. She felt the bed dip behind her, Connor settling in pressed against her, his arm winding around her middle and pulling her flush to him. Then Murphy got in facing her, smiling when he saw her eyes flutter open. He couldn't help himself as he leant in, kissing her deeply. His hand on the nape of her neck, fingers brushing her hair as his tongue explored every inch of her mouth.

She moaned into the kiss as she melted into him and he responded to the sound, a rumble of a growl in the back of his throat as his kiss turned more desperate. Connors' hand started to wander up her shirt, palming her breast as he kissed her neck, making her shiver. When Murphy finally came up for air, a thought struck her and she tensed.

"We...We can't, we don't have protection." She muttered shyly, her cheeks burning bright. She wasn't on the pill anymore and they didn't have condoms here. Murphy looked at her like he'd been smacked across the face.

"Ye don't want a baby wit' us now?" He asked sounded offended and hurt, eyes narrowed as he glared at her. She heaved a sigh, moving Connors hand so she could sit up and face them. The boys sat up too, Connor looking at her warily whereas Murphy was just scowling at her.

"I do but, you can't tell me having a baby with all this shit going on is a good idea guys." She frowned, looking from one to the other seriously. Had they not even thought about that? Connor and Murphy glanced to each other. She could almost see the understanding on Connor's face. He knew she was right, it wasn't the time now for a baby, as much as it pained him. He wanted nothing more than to get her pregnant and start a family with her, but it was dangerous now. They would need to wait until they were done with this, but the problem was, he didn't know when that would be. Murphy felt like someone cracked open his ribs and his heart was spilling out. He hadn't thought about it, and as much as he knew what she said made sense, it hurt him beyond words that what he wanted most had to be put off. Just like Connor, he wasn't sure when they would be done with this, how long would he have to wait to have a child with her? He had not questioned this calling once since it happened, but right now he was fucking cursing it.

"This is fuckin' bullshit." He growled, glaring at her like it was her fault and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Murph, she's right, it's far too dangerous te bring a wee babe inte this right now. We'll just have te wait." Connor reasoned, making Lila relax that he was on her side with this. Murphy turned his glare onto his brother then, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring.

"If it's God's will then it'll happen. If it's meant te happen after all this then that's when it'll happen. If it's before then so be fuckin' it." Murphy glowered, making Connor shake his head. Of course his twin had to take this personally, always the sensitive little fuck he was.

"_È già abbastanza brutto Lila è in pericolo con questo, vuoi davvero rischiare la vita di nostro figlio? _(It's bad enough Lila is in danger with this, you really want to risk your child's life?)" Connor asked his brother harshly, switching to a language he knew Lila wouldn't understand, he didn't want her to worry about this, to know they were both concerned with her welfare just by being involved with them. Honestly, Connor was scared she would run if she knew, and he wasn't about to risk it.

Murphy looked at his brother, chest heaving as his words sunk in. Connor reached over, grabbing the back of his neck and pushing his calm onto him, letting the anger ebb away so his brother could actually think rationally about this. His words had struck a chord within the darker haired boy. Lila was in danger, just being associated with them and fucking Rocco after the deli. Connor was right, if they had a child, they would also be in danger and that wasn't something he was willing to risk. They would have to wait, as much as it cut him deep. He just hoped they'd be done with this fucking shit sooner rather than later. Murphy licked his lower lip, lowering his head submissively as Lila looked on confused and a little worried. She hadn't understood Connors words but his tone had been rough. She just blinked at them, waiting for them to say something and Murphy lifted his head again, nodding in acquiescence to his brother, making Connor untense and nod back in understanding.

"Aye, we'll wait m'girl." Murphy bit out, clearly not happy with this turn of events. Lila was relieved his brother got through to him though. Connor reached out, pulling her back to lay down. The mood was gone now, the seriousness of the situation hanging over them and he just wanted to hold her. He wrapped his arm around her once more as Murphy lay down. He shuffled down, settling in his rightful place wrapped around her with his face buried in the crook of her neck, inhaling her wonderful scent that always soothed him. Lila rested on hand over Connors whilst the other went into Murphy's hair, massaging his scalp affectionately and making him hum against her neck.

"When do you have to go back out?" She asked hesitantly, dreading the answer.

"Not until Saturday sweetheart." Connor murmured into her hair. Rocco had told them about a man that apparently made all others pale in comparison and he was more than happy to take the fucker out. But he was glad he would have a few days with Lila before they went back out there. Lila relaxed a little, glad for some time with them. She hated being away from them and the anxiety that came with it, knowing how dangerous it was. The three just lay there together, a tangle of limbs as they soaked each other in. Murphy was still brooding over the baby thing, he should have known, it should have been obvious, but he hadn't thought about it. He held her tighter and Lila rubbed his scalp, sensing his mood and his neediness. She was sad about the whole thing too, but there was no way they could bring a baby into this mess, not now. She wondered if they'd ever have a kid, wondered if they'd ever truly be done with this. The thought filled her with dread, that they might never be done with this, but she had to have faith. God wouldn't have put her with the boys if things were destined to fail, to be doomed. Their connection made that much clear, it wasn't just a passing relationship, a fleeting fancy. What they had was real and strong, a bond forged with steel, and she had to have hope that one day they could settle down and all of this would be over.


	8. Chapter 8

**This is honestly just a few thousand words of pure smut and I'm not even sorry looool. I realised I had not given you the goods yet in this one, so here it is. Might not be everyone's cup of tea, but there you go. Things are about to go pretty serious soon so I wanted something a little more lighthearted.**

The next morning Lila was sat at the table, the boys opposite as they had breakfast. Rocco was still asleep, he'd ended up drinking a bit the night before so no doubt he'd be in bed for a while. Lila made the boys a full cooked breakfast, saving a plate for Rocco in the oven. She opted herself for toast, not feeling up to eating much. The boys were a little worried at her, they noticed she didn't seem to eat much lately claiming she felt off, but she put it down to the stress of everything. They felt guilty the whole thing was making her unwell. The boys were talking to each other in a language she didn't know, but she didn't mind it, she was too busy staring at them as they glanced to each other, deep in conversation. They were only in their jeans and she found herself admiring them.

She wasn't sure if it was from being worked up the night before or what, but she squirmed in her chair, eyes scanning one boy at a time. They were different body wise, but both equally devastatingly beautiful. She wasn't aware she had completely zoned out as she was just ogling them both.

"Lila!" Connor yelled, making her jump and her eyes snap to his. He was looking at her like the cat that ate the canary, clearly catching her in the act. She felt the heat sweep up her chest and to her face and when she chanced a glance at Murphy, he was smirking at her, quirking a brow.

"Ye see this Connor, she's not even heard a word we said." Murphy snorted, all too pleased with himself.

"Aye, too busy eyein' us up it seems." Connor grinned, making her want to strangle them both. They were enjoying this far too much for her liking. She crossed her arms over her chest and squinted at them defiantly.

"You know what, I _was_ eyeing you up, can't blame a girl when you're sat there half naked." She raised a brow, giving them both a very obvious once over. Much to her amusement, the boys smiles vanished and they shifted in their seats, clearly being affected by her wandering gaze. A slow smirk spread across her face, the tables now turned and she almost laughed.

"I'm horny, so if anyone of you two wanna help me out, I'll be in the bedroom." She stood up, sauntering off to the bedroom and the boys watched her go, swallowing thickly. They glanced to each other before the dove out of their seats, shoving and pulling at each other to trip the other up. Murphy was the first to enter the room but he stopped dead, Connor running into his back and almost knocking him over. Lila was stood there, shirt discarded and the light reflected on her pale skin, making her look like a fucking angel. Both boys could do nothing for a moment but watch her. She shimmied out of her panties, flinging them at them with a mischievous smile.

They snapped out of it then and Murphy rushed to rid himself of his pants and boxers, Connor following suit but at a slower pace, not as impatient as his dark counterpart. Murphy practically dived on her, lips crashing to hers and she welcomed him, kissing him back just as greedy. His hand tangled in her hair and he tugged it, making a moan leave her lips that he swallowed willingly. Connor suddenly came up behind her then, she could feel him hard and wanting against her ass cheeks and she arched her back, pressing herself against him. Murphy was still kissing her like he needed it to breathe whilst Connor started his assault on her neck, kissing and nipping at her. Her head was spinning, it always did when these two touched her like this.

She broke away from Murphy just from the sheer need to breathe and she turned in Connors' arms, wanting to kiss him too. They switched, Connor kissing her deeply whilst Murphy marked up her neck real good, being more aggressive than his brother as usual. She loved it though, she always did no matter what they did to her. She nipped and tugged at Connors lower lip, making him groan low in his throat. She smiled up at him wickedly before shoving him over to the bed.

"On the bed, sit up against the pillows." She demanded. The boys looked at her, quirked brows curious and half amused since she never took charge with them in bed. They were conflicted, part of them wanted to take back that control whilst they also wanted to see where this was headed. The boys shared a look before Connor smirked and shrugged, curiosity winning out as he did what he was told, laying back on the bed propped up by the pillows.

She took Murphy's hand and pulled him along behind her on the bed as she climbed on to it, giving him a good view as she did. He licked his lower lip as he watched her and situated himself behind her. Her hands slowly stroked up the inside of Connors' thighs, making him squirm a little, watching her with a hooded gaze. Murphy gripped her hips and ground himself into her ass with a groan, licking and sucking her neck.

"Christ m'girl, want inside o' ye." He pleaded, his heavy breathing tickling her ear. She almost relented but a child was the last thing they needed right now. She turned to look at him over her shoulder, their eyes locking as he stared her down intensely.

"You know there's another hole you can stick that thing right?" She asked with a smirk, raising her brow almost challengingly. He blinked at her for a moment, letting her words sink in and then a devilish grin worked its way on his face. Seeing he was following her line of thought, she turned her attention back to her lighter twin who was watching her with rapt interest. She bent down, the motion causing her to rub more against Murphy and he moaned, watching her beautiful ass.

She took Connor in her mouth with ease, making the boy let out a loud moan. He gathered up her hair, wanting to see her as she sucked his cock, he almost came right there when she looked up at him, eyes twinkling with mischief. She was working wonders with her mouth, swirling her tongue around him and then taking him all the way in, keeping him on his toes. It was making some interesting noises come from him and Lila was loving it. Murphy sucked two of his fingers, they didn't have lube here so they had to improvise, and he eased them inside of her, his cock throbbing from feeling how warm and tight she was around him. He had never taken her this way before, only Connor had, usually Murphy didn't trust himself not to go too hard too fast with this and hurt her. But right now, she wanted him to do this, that much was clear, and fucking her like he usually did was a no go as much as he hated it. He wasn't about to let this opportunity pass him by, he would just have to exercise the virtue of patience.

She moaned around Connor, feeling the fingers inside of her, the vibrations made his hips buck up slightly, almost choking her and as punishment, she dug her nails into his thigh a little. He hissed a breath and looked down at her, hands still in her hair, they were both shocked to find the slight bit of pain seemed to bring him more pleasure. That was interesting and Lila would surely fucking remember that for later. She already knew Murphy liked that kind of stuff, she didn't expect it from Connor. Neither did he judging by the mildly incredulous look on his face. Murphy worked his fingers inside of her, feeling her relax around him. She whimpered when he withdrew them and he smirked to himself, always loving how needy she was for them. He spat on his hand and lubed himself up, stroking himself as he looked at her heart-shaped ass as she sucked his brother off, making his brother moan like a bitch in heat. His brother wasn't necessarily pushing his thoughts or feelings onto him, but Murphy was tapped into him so deeply that he was picking up on it anyway. Connor was more than enjoying himself and Murphy only got more aroused at the running commentary of how her pretty mouth felt wrapped around his cock.

Murphy lined himself up with her, slowly easing into her.

"Fuckin' Christ!" He gasped, she was so hot and fucking tight and he wanted nothing more than to ram his dick into her until he was fully sheathed.

"Slow Murph." Connor warned breathlessly, trying to give him a pointed look but failing as the lass took his cock in fully once again and he hit the back of her throat.

"Fuckin' am." Murphy bit out, easing himself into her slowly. She was a little tense at the intrusion and it was only making things harder for him. His whole body felt alight with an all-consuming fire and he had to fight his urges so he didn't hurt her.

"Christ Connor, talk te her in French, fuckin' somethin'!" Murphy practically begged, his voice bordering on a desperate whine. Connor couldn't help but chuckle at his brother's misfortune, at how he was struggling to hold it together. Murphy wanted to smack the shit out of him and he would have if it wasn't for his current predicament.

"_Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas mon frère, tu vas partir comme un écolier? _(What's wrong brother, you going to go off like a schoolboy?)" Connor asked goadingly, his eyes leaving Lila for a moment to smirk at his brother.

"Fuck you." Murphy growled, resting his forehead on the back of her neck. His fingers were digging into her hips almost painfully and Lila was well aware she'd be wearing his marks for the next few days. She was trying her hardest to relax for him and she could hear in his voice how hard he was trying to hold it together. She wasn't sure what Connor said in French, the language always got her going when the boys used it during sex, but Connors tone was rather smug. Murphy was finally fully inside of her but he stilled completely, breathing heavy as he tried to compose himself.

"_Peut-être devriez-vous laisser le frère aîné tenter sa chance? _(Maybe you should let the older brother have a go instead?)" Connor grinned, moaning softly as Lila once again took him all the way in.

"I'm the oldest." Murphy protested, rather weakly since he was so overwhelmed by the girl he was trying his hardest not to tear in half. He felt Lila laugh under him, the girl amused that even in the middle of this they would argue about it. Connor laughed at him, pleased once again at his brother's misfortune and then he sucked in a breath as Lila dug her nails into him once again, almost like she was punishing him for laughing at his brother.

"I'm gonna kick the shite outta ye when we're done." Murphy bit out, causing another breathless laugh from Connor. Lila dug her nails in once again and he winced.

"Fuckin' hell, who's side are ye on lass?" Connor grumped, gasping as he hit the back of her throat. Murphy wasn't sure what she was doing for his brother to ask that but he smirked against the back of her neck, pleased she was sticking up for him.

Lila arched back to Murphy, wanting him to move now she was relaxed enough and he let out a needy moan that he would probably be ashamed of if his brain wasn't riddled with lust and love, he reached around her, rubbing circles around her clit as he started thrusting slowly. Slow wasn't his usual pace, he was usually hard and fast, fuck you through the mattress kind of guy, but he had to be careful with her. She moaned around Connor, sucking on him more eagerly and he gasped, bucking up into her mouth again. The more pleasure his brother inflicted on her, the more greedy she seemed for him, he was loving it. Murphy set a steady pace, and she was practically riding his hand. The motion was making her ass jiggle and it was getting harder for him to keep his composure the closer he got. He growled, and the sound seemed to spur her on as a loud muffled moan came from her. It was like a chain reaction as she deep throated Connor and he cried out, unable to stop his impending release.

"Fuckin' hell!" He moaned, eyes screwed shut as his hands in her hair tightened, thrusting into her mouth with a slew of curses. He came hard, feeling like the air had been sucked out of his lungs and his cock fell from her mouth with a pop as she swallowed every drop he gave her.

She rested her head on his thigh, now fully able to just concentrate on her own pleasure and Connor ran a hand through her hair, watching her intently, he always loved watching her. Her moans were needy and high pitched, her body arching against Murphy as he got a little faster, unable to help himself. He pinched her clit lightly and that was all she needed, a keening moan left her lips as her body tensed up, jerking a little. Murphy held on tight for the ride, letting it bring his own release on as he cursed up a storm in different languages. After a few more harsh thrusts he spilled himself inside of her, wrapping his arms around her middle as he leant against her trying to catch his breath. After a moment, he pulled out reluctantly, watching his juices spilling out of her. It filled him with pure male pride, like he'd claimed her, and he rubbed her ass cheeks affectionately before moving to lay next to them.

She was still on all fours, head resting on Connors' thigh as he played with her hair. She felt weightless, like jelly, and she hummed contently. Connor looked to his brother, no words needed once more as they were in perfect accord with each other. Murphy helped her up and lay down facing him, and Connor moved to lay behind her, wrapping an arm around her middle. Murphy smiled at her, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. She smiled back, a blush spreading on her face when she realised just how loud she had been and Rocco was only in the other room. They were all exhausted now despite the fact it was morning, but they had nothing to do so spending some time together like this wasn't a problem.

"So lass, I think it's about time." Connor started softly from behind her, his fingers stroking her stomach lazily. She quirked a brow at Murphy wondering what the fuck he was talking about.

"Who's the oldest?" Murphy asked, looking deadly serious. Lila just blinked at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. Murphy squinted at her and she had no doubt the lighter twin was doing the same.

"Nope, not going there." She snorted, shaking her head a little.

"C'mon now, we're big boys, we can handle the truth." Connor prodded, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at her.

"Aye, Connor will get over it m'girl." Murphy smirked, only to get a smack across his head of his brother. Murphy scowled at him, reaching out and smacking him right back.

"Hey! No hitting each other while I'm in the middle. Fuck." Lila tittered, making both of them stop and look back to her expectantly.

"No, I'm not saying a word, you're like the same size anyway, so I don't know." She smirked, closing her eyes like she was about to go to sleep. The boys started to protest, clearly not happy with her answer but she just kept her eyes shut and smiled to herself. They were definitely still her childish boys, no matter what else was going on with them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Shits getting serious in here!**

It was Saturday and the day of the poker game. The four of them got up early to prepare for the hit, the poker game was at noon but they wanted to get there early and scout out the place a little first. Lila was once again a nervous wreck. She spent the morning throwing up and the boys felt more than guilty at having to leave her. They knew it must have been hard for her, to be on the other side of it, just having to wait and see if everything went okay. If she was out doing something dangerous and they had to wait for her like that, they'd lose their damn minds. And it seemed the whole thing was making her pretty ill. She had made them breakfast and just sat with them whilst they talked over the plan, just wanting to be close to them before they left. The boys were more than happy to have her around, both of them touching her subconsciously every chance they got. Before they knew it, it was time to leave.

Connor had his arms wrapped around her, he could feel her trembling and it was taking a lot for him not to just say fuck it and stay, so he knew his brother would be feeling worse. He pulled away, cupping her face as he leant in and planted a firm kiss on her lips.

"We'll be fine, always are." He smiled down at her, trying to soothe her. She nodded but didn't look any less worried.

"I love ye _A Ghrá mo Chroí _(The love of my heart)." He murmured softly, placing a sweet kiss to her forehead.

"I love you too Connor." She replied, trying to smile for him but failing. He gave her one last meaningful look before Murphy pulled her wrist, wanting her attention and getting impatient. He wasted no time in kissing her deeply, hand wound in her hair as his tongue memorised every part of her mouth. When he pulled away they were both breathless and he kept his lips a breath away from hers.

"I fuckin' love ye _Mo chéadsearc _(My one and only)." His voice was almost demanding and she blinked up at him.

"I love you too Murph." She whispered, feeling the loss when he pulled away from her. He gave her cheek a quick kiss before he went to grab his bag. Rocco hugged her too before putting his coat on, this was the routine it seemed, she wondered how many times she would have to go through this.

The boys gave her one last hug before they left and she had that sense of dread again. She tried to clean, but her stomach was churning, so she decided she would go and see Aileen at her home. The woman had to be wondering where the fuck she was, as well as where the boys and Rocco had gotten off to. She felt like she needed a good chat, although she would certainly leave out the boys new extracurricular activities. She could just make some shit up about why they hadn't been around and she could apologise for just not being at work. She wasn't sure what time to expect the boys back, she knew the poker game was at noon, so this would kill some time before she came back to wait for them.

She got herself dressed and ready, hair up in a messy bun. If she threw up again she didn't want to have to wash her hair if it got in it. She put on her hoodie and slung her bag over her shoulder before leaving. It didn't take too long to get to Aileen's house, she lived not too far from the pub. Lila knocked hesitantly, not knowing if the woman would even be in or not. She knew she wouldn't be at the pub yet, it was far too early. She was pleasantly surprised when the door opened and Aileen stood on the other side. Aileen just blinked at her for a moment before smiling and throwing her arms around her.

"Jesus Lila! Where have ye been? We've all been worried sick!" She frowned before moving away and pulling the girl into the house.

Lila wasn't sure what possessed her to do what she did next, she knew the whole thing was intense and she knew she was emotional anyway, more like Murphy in that regard rather than Connor. But she always prided herself on not being as bad as the darker twin; the boy who cries at fucking _everything_. He cries when he watches Titanic, he cries at animal shelter commercials, he cried once when he stubbed his toe, acting like he had been gravely injured and he couldn't go on, he even cried once after having sex with her. He was drunk at the time and apparently it was just that good it moved him to tears. He swore her to secrecy on that one, not to even tell Connor or he'd never live it down, that one she'd have to take to the grave with her.

But now, there she stood, balling her eyes out as Aileen looked on concerned and moved her to sit on the couch.

"Lila, what's wrong? What's happened?" Aileen asked looking worried. Lila shook her head, trying to fucking gather herself as she wiped her eyes, how was she supposed to act like everything was fine now?

"It's nothing, I'm just...emotional I guess." She mumbled weakly, looking down as she sniffled. Aileen regarded her carefully for a moment, taking the girls hand in her own.

"Look, I want te ask ye somethin', and I'd like te think ye trust me enough te answer honestly." The older woman said firmly, squeezing Lilas hands to make her look at her. Lila blinked at her, nerves bubbling away inside of her.

"The boys, they're the ones on the news aren't they? The Saints?" Aileen asked carefully as she watched Lilas reaction. Lilas' eyes widened and any colour in her cheeks vanished instantly. She felt like she might throw up again.

"W-What? I don't know what you're talking about." She frowned, taking her hands back and looking like a spooked animal about to bolt. Aileen grabbed her wrist tightly to stop her from running

"Lila, ye know I love ye like me own daughter. And the boys. I'm not about te turn them in. We all know down at the pub. None of ye have been by and after what happened with the Russians…" Aileen looked at the girl imploringly and Lila swallowed thickly. Aileen did not look mad, she wasn't surprised she had figured it out, or that the regulars at the pub had either. Lucky for her, the Irish didn't rat each other out. She couldn't bring herself to speak though.

"Look, what they're doin', it's good. They're doin' what needs te be done that even the police aren't able te do. We all support them. I have te ask though, are ye helpin' them?" Aileen asked softly, worried for the young girl.

"I'm not out there with them if that's what you're asking." She replied weakly, nibbling her lower lip. It felt weird talking about this to someone other than the boys. Aileen nodded relieved, stroking Lilas hands soothingly.

Lila lost track of time with Aileen but she told her everything she knew, feeling safe in the knowledge that what she told the woman would stay between them. She agreed with the boys, why they were doing what they were doing, and honestly, Lila really needed to get it off her fucking chest. She looked at the clock and it was almost one, her eyes widened and she scrambled to get up.

"Fuck, I need to go, I need to see if the boys are back." She threw on her jacket and bag, practically running to the door. Aileen shouted at her to call if they needed anything and with that, she was off. She all but ran back to Rocco's mother's house and she heard a commotion inside. Her stomach clenched as she burst in, her eyes almost bugging out of her head. Murphy was sprawled out on the dining table, Rocco holding him down with a cloth in Murphy's mouth. There was blood fucking everywhere and Connor had hold of an iron.

"What the fuck is this?! Are you out of your damn minds?! Let him go!" She roared, dropped her bag as she ran over to Murphy.

"Leave the boy be! We have te fuckin' do this!" Connor yelled harshly at her, pointing at her with the iron to prove his point. He pushed it against Murphy's arm that was bleeding and the poor boy started thrashing and screaming, the noise muffled by the cloth. Lila fought the urge to be sick, dropping to her knees in front of him and taking his face in her hands. His free hand came to her hair and wound itself in the bun, tugging on it painfully hard but she didn't protest, if it helped ease his pain he could fucking scalp her for all she cared. She was sobbing and Murphy hated seeing her like this, almost like her emotional pain was worse than his physical pain at that moment. Connor released the iron once the wound was successfully cauterized and Murphy slumped, breathless and sweaty and the hand in her hair loosened enough so it wasn't hurting her. He looked at her remorsefully as if he only just realised how close he was to ripping a chunk of her hair out.

The smell of burnt flesh turned her stomach, reminding her so much the Russians burnt ass. She stood up, running to the sink that was covered in blood and she threw up violently, the meagre contents of her stomach coming back up. She heard Rocco then as the twins ironed him next and she couldn't even look, dry heaving into the sink some more as the smell only got worse. She wiped her mouth in time to see Conor release Roc and when the lighter twin moved, she noticed his leg. She felt so sick, they had been shot, this could have killed them. She knew this whole thing was dangerous but the boys always seemed so confident in their abilities, she almost didn't expect this. She caught Murphy's eyes then and he looked at her, full on heartbreak on his face and she had to look away. She watched forlornly as Connor sat, Murphy putting the cloth in his mouth and pulling it tight. Rocco took the iron and a sob left her lips as he brought it down on Connors' leg. He groaned in pain, his hand going into Murphy's hair and gripping it, the darker haired boy biting his lower lip as he struggled to hold his brother still.

She probably would have thrown up again if anything was left in her stomach, she felt lightheaded and her hands were shaking badly. When Murphy released his brother, Lila went to go to him. He gave her a cold look before limping off past her, and her heart sank. She looked to Murphy, pure pain all over her face and he swallowed thickly, coming over to her and wrapping his arms around her tightly, squeezing the air out of her lungs. He buried his face in her neck as he cried, clutching hold of her like she might float away. She cried right along with him, she was shocked, hurting, scared. And to top it all Connor was acting off with her. When Murphy finally cried himself out, he moved away, his red watery eyes looking at her carefully as he stroked her cheeks, wiping away her tears.

"Does he hate me?" She asked sounding pained and confused, making Murphy frown and take a shaky breath.

"No m'girl, he's just dealin' wit' shit." He whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming. She nodded, trying to accept his answer even if it did hurt her deeply.

They sat around the tiny TV as the FBI agent was talking about the murders. Connor wouldn't even look at her and Murphy had her in his lap, not letting her go. His arms were wrapped around her tightly and she lay her head in the crook of his neck.

"Fuckin' hell." Connor muttered tensely as Roccor shut off the TV.

"What? What that guy?" Rocco asked confused, making Lila lift her head looking at him.

"That's the guy that got us off the hook wit' the Chekov thing." Murphy explained, his fingers massaging Lilas scalp affectionately.

"He's one smart man." Connor chimed in, the words settling over them all with their meaning.

"They got nothin'." Rocco argued, shaking his head.

"This guy is very sharp. If he hasn't figured us out yet, he will." Connor said firmly, making Lila tense in Murphy's arms. It wasn't exactly reassuring news.

"Ye bet yer ass he will." Murphy added as he glanced to his brother, only making the dread inside the girl increase.

"Well I'd say that makes him a lia-fuckin'-bility." Rocco stated seriously, eyes wide as he looked at the twins. Lila frowned at her friend, was he really insinuating they kill a fucking FBI agent because he might catch them?

"He isn't te be touched." Connor warned firmly.

"He's a good man." Murphy nodded, agreeing with his twin. At least her boys still had a moral fucking compass.

"Okay, whatever." Rocco sighed, taking a long pull from his beer.

Murphy tapped her thigh getting her attention and when she looked at him, he gestured with his head to the bedroom. She stood and made her way, but when she got there, Murphy was alone as he shut the door behind him. Her heart sank that Connor hadn't joined them. She knew he was processing things, shutting himself off like he usually did, but this was a lot even for her. He hadn't acknowledged her existence apart from yelling at her when she first got in. It was like he wasn't happy to see her at all. Murphy kicked off his boots and moved to sit up on the bed, back against the headboard and pillows and he held his hand out to her, looking at her pleadingly. She followed suit, taking off her boots and climbing onto the bed. She sat sideways on his lap much like she was just moments before and his hand once again got lost in her hair.

For the next hour, Murphy proceeded to tell her everything that had happened. How the guy Rocco was looking for was hidden in the toilet, how he almost killed Roc, how Murphy tried to help him but Connor wasn't having any of it. He wanted Roc to 'earn his stripes' as it were. He told her how when Connor went to shoot someone, Murphy rolled a pool ball to their best friend and he proceeded to smack the guys head in with it. He told her how when they left, an old man with six guns was waiting for them, he told her about the firefight, how Roc lost his finger, he himself got shot in the arm and Connor his leg. He told her everything and she wasn't sure how to deal with the overload of information. She was worried, who the fuck with this old guy that wanted them dead? And now the FBI was closing in on them to top it off. The guys were lucky to get out with the injuries they did, it could have been a lot worse.

Murphy hadn't let her out of his sight since he got back, he hadn't let her out of his grasp either, being overly needy. He sat with her in his lap, nuzzling and kissing her face every so often, occasionally kissing her lips almost desperately but never escalating it to something more. Lila wondered if this was his way of coping with what happened to them all, she couldn't say she minded the affection, it was much better than the cold shoulder she was receiving off Connor. They stayed like that for hours until she fell asleep in his arms, exhausted from the whole thing. The last thing she thought of was that Connor still hadn't come in to see them, despite the fact it was now getting late.

She woke the next morning in the bed, and as everything rushed back to her, she sat up quickly, noticing she was alone in bed. She frowned, climbing out of bed and going into the living room. The place was empty, the boys and Rocco nowhere to be seen and the silence was eery. There wasn't a note, nothing to tell her where they had gone. It seemed strange and it made her stomach turn. She glanced at the clock and it was 6am, where would they need to go at this time? She wondered if they'd gone to mass, although she wasn't sure why Rocco would go with them, so she tried to keep her mind occupied. She set to cleaning all the blood. There was a lot of it and she threw up a few times. She realised she had not eaten since the day before, and even then she had thrown it all back up. She made herself some toast, opting for something light given the state of the place and how high her emotions were.

It took hours but the place was clean, but the boys were still nowhere to be found. She was nervous, why didn't they wake her if they had to go and do something important? Something inside of her knew something was off, her sixth sense firing away that something about them not being here wasn't exactly normal. She went back into the bedroom and her stomach dropped when she noticed things she hadn't before. The boys' duffles with weapons were gone, as were all of their clothes. She glanced to the nightstand and both envelopes of pictures were gone. Why would they need to take all of their stuff if they were coming back? Her heart stilled in her chest, realisation hitting her like a tonne of bricks. They weren't coming back. She didn't want to believe it but all the signs pointed that way. Had they really just fucking left her? No goodbye? No note? No, it had to be something else, she just had to wait and the boys would come back by tonight, and then she could give them hell for being so selfish and careless again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Things go from bad to worse for Lila.**

A few days passed with Lila hearing nothing from the boys or Rocco. By the third day, her hope that they were coming back for her was fading away rapidly. She had called Aileen, telling her everything, and the woman was worried and angry for her, but it made Lila feel better to be able to talk to someone. By the fourth day, she couldn't stay there any longer, it felt weird to be at Rocco's mother's house when the man wasn't even there and the place only held bad memories for her. It seemed like the boys weren't coming back here and she didn't know when Rocco's mother would be back, she didn't feel like sticking around and explaining where her son was or what he was doing. She decided to go back to the loft and there was still some fleeting hope that the boys maybe went there. When she got there though, the place was as she left it, and her heart sank. The place felt so empty, devoid of the life and love that once filled the space. This used to be a place where they were a family, and now there was nothing left. She had cried so much the last few days she wasn't sure she had anything in her left to cry.

She went over to the bed, curling up as she sobbed, clearly being wrong as more tears fell. The bed still smelt like them and it only made the ache in her chest grow, she missed them so fucking much, she needed to be close to them, to feel them. She moved a little and then her hand touched something under the pillow. She sat up, wiping her eyes and she pulled out an envelope with her name on it. Her heart was hammering away in her ribcage, she'd recognize that writing anywhere.

"Murphy." She whispered forlornly, her chest constricting painfully. His writing was always neater than his brothers. They had been here then, they had to have come here to leave this for her and the fact she had missed them only served to upset her more. Maybe if she had come here sooner she would have found them. She opened the envelope with shaky hands and a photo fell out. It was the picture of the three of them when the timer had gone off too soon and the boys were bickering. Murphy's writing was on the back of it and her stomach clenched when she read it; _MacManus family 1999._ It felt like her heart shattered right in her chest and a choked sob left her lips. There was a letter too, and she felt like she already knew what she was going to read as she opened it.

_Lila, _

_Fuck, I don't even have the words, there will never be any words. Sorry won't ever be enough. I shouldn't even be writing this, Connor doesn't know and if he did he'd fucking kill me. But I couldn't just leave you like that, without even a goodbye, without a reason._

_You have no idea how hard this is for me, for us both, but we have no choice. What happened at the last hit, it proved to us you aren't safe with us. They know about you, you were seen with Rocco and you're associated with us. Being with us means certain death and we can't do that to you._

_You being alive and away from us, no matter how painful it may be, is better than you being dead. _

_It was Connors plan, you've probably guessed that by now. I fought so hard to stay, I got into it with Connor and he had to knock me out so I wouldn't come running to you. But he was right, I see that now._

_We're all fine, Rocco too, I know you'll be worried, and I know you'll be mad as hell at us for this. I just hope in time you understand._

_I wish I could find the right words to tell you how much you mean to me. I'd need to fucking invent words to even come close. I never thought it would come to this, that we would willingly walk away from you like this. You're our soul mate, we know in our hearts that to be true, and that's why I hope one day we can come back for you, and I hope you'll still love us both then, despite what we've done. _

_Fuck, this is so hard. All I want to do is be there with you, have my arms around you and kiss you until you can't breathe. I've lost part of my soul having to walk away from you, and it kills me to know how upset you'll be when you read this. You're everything to us, and I know it might not seem like it, but that's exactly why we're doing this. _

_You need to have a life, work and laugh and just be you. You're a light in this dark world and I feel blessed to have ever met you. I have faith in God that this isn't over, it can't be._

_Please forgive me, I'll be begging for forgiveness for this for the rest of my life. Please don't be mad at Connor. It was hard for him too, it's why he was distant when you last saw him, he couldn't bear being around you knowing what we had to do. We both have nightmares, Connor cries out your name in the middle of the night. This is as hard for us as it is for you. _

_I love you Lila, more than I'll ever be able to tell you or show you. Please don't forget about us and please don't hate us._

_Níor rith cúrsa an ghrá fhíor réidh riamh_

_**(The course of true love never did run smooth)**_

_Murphy_

_X_

Lila sat there, her heart bleeding and spilling out everywhere as she read his words, letting them sink in her brain. They were gone, they had really left her. She knew their reasons now but it didn't hurt her any less. She was grateful for her darker sensitive twin though, the letter and picture, she needed them. It didn't surprise her that this was Connors grand plan and the thought of Murphy putting up such a fight he needed to be knocked out made her heart ache. She wasn't sure what to do with all this information. The quote at the end of the letter grabbed her attention, Shakespeare, it was like their thing between the three of them, she read Shakespeare to them every night. But Murphy didn't read himself, he only liked it when she read to him. It made her wonder if those words had been told to him by Connor, the true Shakespeare fan. Had the lighter twin told that to Murphy to try and comfort him? And now Murphy was passing those words of wisdom onto her?

She went to set the envelope down when she realised there was something else in it, she reached inside and pulled out a rosary. Her heart stopped as she glared at the offending object. It was wood like theirs, but the cross was much smaller. She felt a lump in her throat as she just looked at it for a moment. She was torn. She was mad at God for doing this to her, but the gesture by Murphy compelled her to put it on. She wasn't sure if this was his way of saying sorry and hoping she wouldn't waver in her faith. It had been no secret she struggled with her faith, every time something hard came her way she cursed God for it. The brothers never judged her, they were just there for her until she was ready to once again return to the church with them. But now they weren't here to console her, to talk her into going. But the rosary in her hands felt like a plea from the darker boy. She swallowed thickly, putting it over her head with shaky hands and tucking it inside of her shirt. It almost made her feel closer to them, to have this gift from one of them, something to remember them by.

She sat there for hours just staring at the picture and she stuffed the letter into her pocket, leaving the loft and going to the pub for the first time since the bar fight. She was still crying, tears streaming down her face as she walked in. the bar went silent as all eyes turned to her, sympathy on their faces. She didn't want their sympathy though, she just wanted her boys back. Aileen saw her and her eyes widened, thinking the worst seeing the state of her. Lila just handed her the letter. Aileen read it, tearing up herself and she moved Lila inside the back of the pub for privacy. She sat her down at the small table that was there.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart." Aileen soothed, wrapping her arms around the weeping girl. Aileen understood why the boys did what they did, but it was hard to see Lila in such a way.

Lila felt lightheaded again and she felt her stomach churn, she was getting sick of this bullshit. She dived up, running to the sink as she threw up once again. Aileen watched her concerned and rubbed her back.

"I'm getting fucking sick of throwing up." She mumbled angrily, pissed off with her life, with everything. Nothing was going right.

"Lila...When was yer last period?" Aileen asked hesitantly. Lila looked to her, blinking slowly.

"I uh...I don't know. The day before St Patty's I took a test cause I missed it, but it was negative." She shrugged, wiping her mouth on some tissue.

"Have ye been sick every day?" Aileen enquired curiously, making Lila nod. Suddenly Lila looked to the woman with wide eyes.

"I can't be, I can't! It was negative and I've not had sex since, I swear!" She was panicking, life really couldn't hate her this much.

"Right, come on." Aileen said firmly, taking her hand and leading her out of the back. She said something to Doc and the old man looked at her sadly, giving her a weak smile she tried to return.

Aileen wrapped an arm around her and lead her out of the pub. Before long they were back at the loft with a pregnancy test. Aileen looked around a little shocked. The toilet was gone, just gone. She had heard about Connors grand decent with the thing from the roof but seeing it gone was another thing entirely. Lila had to use the toilet next door and she came back into the loft with the test to wait for the results. She handed it to Aileen who was sat at the table and Lila paced, anxiously biting her thumb. Apparently, she'd picked up the nervous habit from Murphy, the thought made her feel sick. She'd never see him again. The timer went off and Lila stilled, her heart beating so fast she felt like she was about to keel over. Aileen looked at it before looking at her carefully.

"Positive." She said softly. Lilas world tilted as everything went black and she hit the floor.

She woke up lay on the floor with Aileen fanning her face, what was it with her and fainting? Aileen helped her up and to sit on the bed. The older woman was watching her carefully like she was about to explode into a thousand pieces.

"What the fuck do I do?" Lila asked panicked, tears falling down her cheeks once again.

"Tomorrow, we get ye in te see a doctor, see how far along ye are. I'll come with ye. I know it's not great, the boys leavin' at a time like this. But yer not alone, I'm here. Ye don't have te do this alone Lila." Aileen said sincerely. It made Lila feel a little better but her heart ached for the boys. They wanted this so badly and now it was happening and they weren't even fucking here. She was getting mad now, how they would do this to her, no matter how noble their intentions were.

Aileen was kind enough to stay the night with her, seeing the girl was in a state and not fit to be on her own. Lila moved the trash can beside the bed, there was no toilet to throw up in and since vomiting was her new favourite thing to do, she guessed it was better to do it in the bin than the floor. When they woke the next morning, Aileen made her breakfast and insisted she ate it after learning how she hadn't been eating. Now she was pregnant, she had to look after herself. They went down to the clinic and Lila was thankful Aileen was taking charge, talking to the receptionist and insisting she be seen. They had to wait over an hour until she was called. Lila was distant again. She wasn't sure when her mind had developed this coping mechanism, maybe after her father died? But she always retreated into herself when things got too much, and once again, she was far away.

She lay on the bed waiting for the blood work before they would scan her, even within herself, she was still nervous. Aileen was right by her side, true to her word as she held her hand.

"Good morning Ms Kelly. I'm happy to say your blood work all looks good, so let's give you your scan." The doctor smiled warmly. She squirted the cold jelly on Lilas' belly and the girl flinched, eyes locked on the monitor as the doctor pushed the wand onto her belly and moved it around. Lila was holding her breath, she wasn't sure what news she wanted to hear. It would be much easier for the doctor to tell her they had been mistaken and she wasn't pregnant, but her heart seemed to be yearning for the baby to appear on the screen. She saw a tiny blob and she tilted her head curiously.

"And there it is, there's your baby. The heartbeat looks good and I'd say you're measuring around 7 weeks." The doctor smiled. Lila blinked at the monitor before turning to the doctor.

"How is that possible? I took a home's test on the 16th and it came back negative." She asked confused.

"Sometimes, it's too soon for home tests to pick up, it happens a lot. Some women never have home tests work on them no matter how far along there are." She explained carefully, giving Lila a warm smile.

Lila just nodded dumbly, letting it all sink in, she had been pregnant this whole time. Was life against her? Why did this have to happen? Would things have been different if that test had been positive? Would the boys be out doing what they were doing? Would they have even got into the bar fight? Everything would be different and it left a bitter taste in Lilas' mouth how things had worked out. Once again she felt like God had screwed her over and she had no clue what the fuck she did to deserve this shitty hand she had been dealt. It almost felt like the rosary around her neck was burning into her skin.

The doctor printed off some pictures and Aileen took her home. She was silent, once again retreating into herself. She had no idea what the fuck to do now. She wished she had a way to reach out to the boys, to tell them the news. Maybe they would come back to her. She knew deep down they would if they knew, but she had no idea where the fuck they were or how to get a hold of them. Now she was just alone, alone and fucking pregnant and no clue where life was going. Everything was a mess.


	11. Chapter 11

**This is where things are majorly canon divergent. I'm making up the timeline and I'm aware they try to take out Papa Joe the day after the poker game, but this is my shit and I'm making it up as I go along now in order for my story to work. If you're here for a strictly canon fic, you're in the wrong place. I warned you from the start. I hope you guys like this. Or not...since bad shit happens, but ya know… :')**

**Warning for intense feels and sadness.**

**You guys are gonna hate me after this one but there's a reason for everything, just push through it loooool**

It had been one whole month since Lila heard from the boys, a fucking month. She had been worried mercilessly about them, watching the news with a pit in her stomach as she heard about every time they righteously rid Boston of more vermin. They hadn't called, they hadn't got a hold of her at all and she felt sick with worry. Worry they would get themselves killed, worried they'd never come back, worried she would never see them again. She couldn't feel them, of course she couldn't with them not by her side. It was all gone, the only reminder of their presence in her life was the painful burning hole in her chest and the baby in her belly. Her sickness had eased off, but she was around 11 weeks pregnant now, and the boys were just gone. Murphy had said in his letter that he hoped one day they would come back for her, and she tried to hold onto that hope like it was the only thing keeping her breathing.

As the month wore on, the worry and pain turned to blind rage. Rage at being left behind, at the boys for not bothering to let her know if they were even okay or not. It was like they didn't care anymore. She understood why they had gone, why they were doing what they did, of course she did. But the time after their first real hit, how worried she had been, Connor had promised her, her place was by their side, and nothing would change that. And then he came up with the idea to fucking leave her. Now she couldn't tell them she was carrying their child and she had to do this alone, worrying every day that they would turn up on the news, captured or fucking dead. When she shared that dream with them, it had let her feel the burning need to act on the calling God had given them, she knew without a doubt they had to do it. But she didn't sign up for this shit. To just be left behind in the dirt like a used ragdoll and knocked up. It was one thing for them to be out risking their lives, it was a whole other thing to be abandoned completely.

Lila had thrown herself into work to take her mind off things, she needed to keep herself busy. The patrons of the bar knew something was going on. The boys and Rocco were never there anymore and Lila was a shell of her former self. She never smiled, not once. And every time the news came on in the pub she went rigid, like she was expecting to hear the worst news she could ever receive. The regulars there just knew, they didn't know how but they knew the Saints were the boys, and they were glad. The city needed fucking cleaning up and they couldn't think of more righteous boys to do it. But it hurt them all to see the aftermath of it, what it had done to the redhead that used to be so fiery and happy. She was just empty now. Aileen was worried about her, she would call a cab every night to make sure she got home safely and sometimes pop in to see her at the loft during the day. She wasn't looking after herself. Aileen had to tell her to shower and even brush her hair for her sometimes when it ended up a tangled mess. The older woman was severely worried about the girl's mental state, especially since she was now with child.

After Lilas shift that night, she went out for the cab but it wasn't there. She waited in the cold for about five minutes before she huffed. She started walking. She wasn't about to wait around forever and she didn't want to go back in the pub and ask about it. She was sick of the looks of pity everyone gave her when she was there. It had become common knowledge that she was pregnant, and with the twins gone and the people knowing what they were doing, it was obvious she was left alone to care for herself and her unborn baby. The air would do her good anyway. She was almost home, she could see the building and she pulled her jacket around herself to fight off the cold. But suddenly she was grabbed from behind and a hand clamped down on her mouth. She tried to scream but it was muffled as she was dragged into an alley. Suddenly something hit her in the head and everything went black.

Lila wasn't sure how long she had been in this small room, lay on the floor in and out of consciousness. She had been beaten within an inch of her life, ironically for information about her boys. Apparently, Papa Joe thought she knew where they were hiding, she almost laughed at the boys plan to keep her safe. She had no idea where they were so she couldn't even tell them. Not that she would just to save herself. She wouldn't have told them shit anyway. But because he thought she was lying, he showed her no mercy. They had stripped her to her underwear to humiliate her as they beat her. Her whole body was covered in bruises and welts. She was pretty sure she had a cracked rib or five at this point. Her left eye was swollen shut completely, she had a gash on her cheekbone. Her lip was split and her nose was pouring in blood, no doubt broken. In other words, she was a mess.

She had begged with them, pleaded and told them she was pregnant, but that didn't stop them, as if they knew the baby belonged to the boys and they wanted to take that away from them. They had kicked her in the stomach repeatedly and she could feel the sticky wetness between her thighs. She knew what they had done. They had killed her baby, taken away the only thing she had left to live for. She had nothing left now and her heart was hollow as she tried to retreat into herself to shut off the pain.

It wasn't the body that was causing the most pain, it was her heart. She was sure she would die inside this tiny room alone, and her mind deciding to be a traitor, had made her hallucinate the boys more than a few times. They weren't her boys though, they were devils disguised as angels, whispering horrible things to her and telling her to just give up. She was well on her way to giving up. She just wanted the pain to stop. She wanted to be killed before the boys found out she was taken so they didn't do anything fucking stupid, acting like heroes and getting themselves killed. Her baby was gone, she didn't care now what happened to her, it wasn't like she had a reason to keep breathing anyway, her grief was suffocating her. She couldn't hear properly from the blows to the head, she wondered idly if her brain was bleeding or something or she'd have some sort of brain damage. They had not been easy on the small girl by a long shot.

She felt drugged, completely out of it. She hadn't even heard someone come in the room, but suddenly there was a hand in her hair yanking her to stand. Her legs were shaky and weak, she wasn't sure if she made a noise or not, all she could hear was the whooshing of her own blood in her very sore ears. Hell, even her hair hurt at this point. She could feel the blood dripping down her legs and it made her heart clench, the painful reminder of what they had taken away from her. She was dragged along, everything was blurry and it felt like the whole world was moving around her. Like she was on a ship getting crashed about at sea. Suddenly she was in another room, she closed her good eye from the light that sent a pain through her skull. She could hear shouting of some sort, but it sounded so far away, like she was under water. Her legs got kicked out to make her kneel and her sore knees hit the floor painfully.

She was swaying as she kneeled, head lolling about as she fought to stay awake, and the hand in her hair was tight as it yanked her head back a little. She felt it then, the cold metal pressed against her temple. She hoped it was merciful and quick, just to be put down like a wounded animal. She could hear the shouting get even louder and she fluttered her good eye open, it was hard to focus and it took a moment for things to stop being so blurry and then she saw them. Her boys and Rocco, tied to chairs, bloodied and beaten. She couldn't really hear who was doing what, all the noise was loud and muffled in her ears. But Connor was yanking in his binds trying to get his arms free, yelling ferociously. He looked beyond pissed, the vein in his head looked ready to burst. Rocco looked shell shocked, sat between the boys as he looked pleading at the man who was holding her at gunpoint. And Murphy, poor sweet Murphy was hysterical. Thrashing so wildly in his chair it kept almost falling over as he yelled and screamed, tears falling down his face. She felt bad for them almost. But she knew they weren't real, just like the other times she had seen them since she had been here. _Devils disguised as angels._

She closed her eye, acceptance washing over her, this was how she died, she prayed it be quick and that the boys never knew of what happened to her so they didn't try to seek revenge. She imagined this kind of resolution was how Murphy had felt, the day the Russians came for them at the loft, handcuffing his twin to the toilet and marched him to his death. She had been confused then, she had seen the acceptance wash over him, giving up a fight, not pleading, nothing. He was just ready. And now she was too. She could still hear the shouting and she heard her name, or what sounded like her name being thrown about. She opened her eye again, head dropping slightly from how weak she was. Murphy was looking at her now, right at her, his face filled with so much pain. He kept glancing at her legs, the blood, to someone that didn't know she was pregnant it probably looked like she had been brutally raped. He was sobbing, he looked like he was pleading with her as he shook his head but she couldn't hear him. He wasn't real. It was all in her mind.

The gun suddenly moved from her head and she was confused, that was until Rocco flew backwards in his chair as a gunshot rang through her sore ears making them ring. The boys were thrashing, falling down next to their best friend. She vaguely registered someone wailing like a banshee, it took a moment to realise the noise was coming from her. This didn't feel right. It didn't feel like the hallucinations, the boys never got hurt in those, they were just mean to her and hurt her. The sudden realization that this was very real, that these were her boys, and Rocco had just been shot weighed heavy in her heart. But once again, something hard came down on her temple, leaving everything steeped in darkness.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author note at the end, for reasons…**

Lila woke with a start and she groaned, her whole body hurt like a bitch. Everything came back to her and she sat up slowly, looking around scared. She was in a bed in a room she didn't recognise. Her heart was hammering away inside of her chest. The boys, what happened to them? Rocco… she clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob that came out, replaying her best friend being shot over and over in her head. She hadn't thought it was real until that point. She didn't know where she was. Her captors must have brought her back here and her heart ached wondering what happened to the boys. They had to have got out of there, they couldn't have been killed. God wouldn't do that, they were his soldiers. Her hand instinctively went to her stomach and her heart broke all over again, she took a deep breath trying to stuff it down, way down into the depths of her soul never to be brought back up again.

She slipped out of bed carefully, trying to be as quiet as she could. There was a mirror and she walked over. She gasped when she saw the state of herself. Her left eye was swollen shut, her nose a rainbow of colours, her face was for that matter. She was a walking bruise. The cut on her face had been neatly stitched up and her brow furrowed, wondering why they would do that for her. Then she noticed the lack of blood, someone had cleaned her up. Her hair was still in the messy bun and she noticed some crusted blood matted in there that the person hadn't cleaned up. Her heart fluttered when her eyes went to what she was wearing. A shirt, Murphy's shirt. She could smell him on it. The boys had saved her, got her out of there. Was that possible? She glanced between her legs, once again the lack of blood unsettled her, she was wearing panties and someone had put a pad in her underwear for the bleeding.

She was still cautious as she went to the door and opened it. Her eyes darted around and her heart exploded, seeing a beat up Murphy and Connor in the living area, looking like they were arguing. Both of them looked grief-stricken, Murphy looking ready to murder someone. They were here, they had got out, they had saved her. She felt the relief flood through her body overwhelmingly. An older man sat on the chair looking like he was chiming in every so often. She heard something from the open kitchen then, and her heart stopped dead in her chest when Rocco walked out. He was shirtless and he looked pale and sickly. He had a bandage around his shoulder. She had seen him get shot, she thought he had died. The shot looked like it just missed his heart.

She couldn't control herself, aching body and heart aside, and she flew at him, catching him off guard as she ran over and wrapped her arms around him and sobbed hopelessly. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, she was hurting him with how hard she was holding him but he didn't want to tell her that when she was so upset. It had killed him seeing the state of her when they dragged her in the room in her underwear, beaten and raped like that. The boys watched on with wide eyes and Murphy couldn't lie and say jealousy didn't rear its ugly head that Rocco was the first person she went to. But he took a leaf out of Connor's book and tried to be rational. The last thing the poor girl saw was Rocco being shot.

The boys were feeling a whole range of emotions. Seeing their girl in such a state, it had been the worst thing they had ever gone through. Knowing what those monsters did to her, how badly they beat her. The blood between her legs made it clear what they had done to her and Murphy couldn't stand to be in the room when their father's doctor friend had cleaned up the blood. He had trashed the living room in a fit of murderous rage. Connor felt immense guilt, he had failed her in the worst way. His plan to keep her safe, to keep her away, it was what got her into this mess and she had been almost beaten to death. He had never felt like such a failure in all his life, and his brother was furious with him. Murphy shared the guilt too, after all he had gone along with the plan. But he had been against it first, and he had been right. And now the girl was a mess and they were not sure if she would ever mentally recover from what happened to her. They were just glad she was awake, the doctor had been very concerned with the trauma to her head.

She was wailing, clinging to Rocco like he might float away but then she moved back, grasping at his face and looking at him incredulously as tears streamed down her face.

"I thought...I thought you were dead!" She sobbed, so much pain in her voice and on her face that everyone in the room felt the air leave the lungs, even the old man. She had probably come out of this worse than anyone by looking at her yet she seemed so concerned about him. Rocco didn't know what to say so he just gave her a smile, trying to ease her a little and she just cried harder. He looked at the boys pleadingly, not knowing what the fuck to do. Murphy was stood there, chest heaving and his fist clenched. He was trying his hardest to hold himself together but he couldn't, looking at her bruised and battered body. He stalked over, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. His face was buried into her hair as he cried, no longer caring who was in the room and watching. He wept like a desperate child, muttering a whole verse of apologies to her as he clung onto her like his life depended on it.

Lila was in between reality and that faraway place. Not quite gone but numb enough now to deal with it. She stroked his hair soothingly, her own tears falling at hearing his anguish. She felt another body press behind her then and she knew without thinking about it that it was Connor. He wrapped his arms around them both, sandwiching her between them. It eased the ache in her heart a little. They were here and safe, Rocco was alive. But the baby… Another fracture formed on her heart and she pushed her mind back into that place, trying to numb herself to the pain. She couldn't tell them, she couldn't ever tell them. The state of Murphy right now, it would fucking kill him.

Murphy moved away just enough to look at her, his face a picture of pure anguish as he took in every bruise and cut on her battered face. She blinked at him and swallowed thickly, the motion hurt, she wondered if they'd strangled her at one point, she couldn't fucking remember. Her head was still fuzzy.

"Lila." He whispered, his voice cracking as his bottom lip trembled again, shaking in his head. She tried to give him a smile, to reassure him, but it looked more like a grimace and it made her wince. If she could focus on making them feel better, she could ignore her own pain, her own heartbreak. She could stuff it all so far down that it would be as if it had never existed. Like they never abandoned her when she needed them the most, like she was never kidnapped and beat mercilessly, that she never lost the… No. nothing happened, she could pretend. Be numb and get through it whilst she helped the boys. Their pain was more important than hers. She was nothing, she didn't matter. Murphy himself had told her that.

_Wait_, no. that was the hallucination Murphy. Her head hurt and things were getting messy, she was confused. She was unaware she was just staring at Murphy's worried face as she swayed a bit.

"Christ, get her te sit down." She vaguely heard Connor behind her, she didn't even realise his arms were still around her. She was led to the couch and it helped the world stop tilting on her for a moment. The boys both sat on the coffee table in front of her, watching her carefully with frowns. It would have been unsettling but there was a ringing inside of her head. Her eyes settled on the old man then and she tilted her head curiously, she'd forgotten about him sat there just watching everything unfold. She was about to ask, but Rocco sat next to her. She turned to him slowly, things felt like they were in slow motion, was that normal? He gave her a grin, trying to comfort her despite how worried they all were given her injuries and how she was acting, she seemed so out of it. The girl was a mess, it was hard to look at given they were responsible.

She lay her head on his shoulder and took his hand in hers, feeling him tense just a little. She blinked her good eye, the one that wasn't swollen shut, and she saw Connor tense, sitting up straighter as Murphy's nostrils flared, his hands balling to fists. Why were they so mad? Oh right, she looked like she'd been hit by a train and she was clinging to their best friend, not them. Yeah, maybe that wasn't a good idea. She let go of his hand, moving to look at him and he looked at her confused and worried.

"I'm glad you're here Roc." She whispered, her voice thick with emotion. His face softened then, he knew she had been scared. He had heard her desperate screams once he had been shot. He nodded, giving her a weak smile and she moved to sit back, looking at the brothers. They didn't look angry now, they looked sad, remorseful, guilty as fuck.

"I uh...Could I please have a drink?" She asked softly, her voice was hoarse, from the screaming or being throttled she wasn't sure, but it was rough all the same. The boys blanched, cursing themselves as they realised they should have fucking offered her something and they both got up, going into the kitchen. She sat there, time feeling like it had slowed down and she looked to the old man again. He gave her a sad smile and she tried to return it. Her stomach cramped and she winced, it was like the worst period of her life and she tried to ignore why it was happening. Her whole body was hurting and she tried to focus on something else. She wondered who had cleaned her up, it couldn't have been the boys, they wouldn't have thought to put a pad on her, they didn't know about the baby, they would have mentioned it if they knew. She looked back at the old man, her heart rate picking up, was it him? Did he know? Did he just assume she had been assaulted? She hoped for the latter, none of them had to know.

The boys came back and Connor was holding a glass of water, handing it to her as he watched her. She took it gratefully, it was then she noticed her hands were shaking, the water almost sloshing out of the glass as she brought it up to her lips. She took a few gulps, letting the water soothe her burning throat. It hurt to swallow but the coolness of the liquid eased the rawness of her throat. She looked at the boys warily, it was hard for her mushed up brain to comprehend the difference between the ones in front of her from the ones who had been conjured by her own mind. Their awful words rang around her head, pinging off her skull and she winced.

'_Yer a Godless sinner, why did ye ever think ye'd be good enough for us?'_

'_We left because ye weren't enough, ye never will be.'_

'_This blood is on yer hands, couldn't even wait for a fuckin' cab love? Now look, our baby's dead.'_

'_It's all yer fault.'_

She blindly grasped around her neck, trying desperately to find the rosary that should be around it but nothing was there and she started to panic. Murphy reached into his pants pocket, holding his hand out with the rosary inside of it. She felt relieved as she looked at it and Murphy was pleased he had gotten it right, that it had been what she was searching for. He hadn't noticed she was wearing it first when she was dragged in half-naked, just for the simple fact he was too stunned with the state of her. But once they got out of there and he saw it on her, it made his heart ache to know she had been wearing it, that she had got his note and she still wore the rosary despite all the time that had passed. Connor looked at it confused as the girl took it, placing it around her neck. He felt like he missed something, he wasn't aware she had a rosary but maybe she had gotten herself one after they had left. It struck him as strange though considering she wasn't the strongest in her faith, especially when things were going bad. She put in on but it didn't help with her panic, the words were on a painful loop in her mind and it was suffocating her.

She felt like she couldn't breathe and she stood up, her weak legs almost giving out on her as the world tilted. Both boys jumped up to steady her and she flinched. It made their hearts break seeing her like this, being scared of them, she had no need to be.

"I need to lay down." She said weakly, her voice so small and unsure of herself.

"I'll take her." The old man piped up, standing as he looked at her. The boys tensed a little and looked at their father, wondering why he was stepping in, stopping them from helping the girl. But he had seen her reaction to them, and there was something he needed to talk to her about anyway.

"Go on, make yerselves useful and start dinner, the girl looks like she's not eaten in a while." He commanded, clear authority in his voice. The boys glanced the Lila who was watching the older man carefully and they relented, moving away, letting their father wrap an arm around her and lead her to the bedroom.

Once she was situated sat up in bed, he sat next to her, watching her carefully.

"Who are you?" She asked curiously, she had enough wits about her to know she didn't recognize him.

"I'm the boys Da." He replied, giving her a kind smile. Her eyes widened, there was a lot she would need filling in on it seemed, but maybe it was best left for when her head didn't feel like it was about to explode.

"Look, I know I'm probably over steppin' me mark here lass, but...How far along were ye?" He asked seriously, eyes never leaving her. She blanched, feeling her heart crack a little bit more as she looked down at her hands. He knew, of course he did. She didn't say anything and Noah could see her struggling to keep herself composed. It hurt him deeply knowing what had happened, he might not have seen the boys most of their life but this was his grandchild after all.

"I have a contact, a doctor. He came here te help Rocco and get ye cleaned up, he's the one that stitched yer face. He told me that amount o' blood, it wasn't from bein' raped. Ye were miscarryin' a wee babe." He explained, trying to get her to open up.

"The...the boys?" She asked shakily, tears stinging her eyes as her bottom lip quivered. He reached out and took her hand, trying to comfort her.

"They don't know. They couldn't be near ye before ye got cleaned up, they lost their damn minds at the state o' ye. I'm presumin' they didn't know since they never once mentioned a baby." He stated, waiting for her to tell him.

"11 weeks, they didn't know, I found out just after they left...They can't know! They can't! It would kill them, I can't do that to them!" She pleaded, finally looking at him as tears ran down her face. The man watched her carefully, nodding slowly. He understood, it would kill them, and he admired the girl for wanting to protect the boys from that heartache. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

Noah spent some time with her then, explaining what had happened. Rocco had managed to shift just enough for the shot to not be fatal and luckily the doctor was good at his job and patched him up, he'd have to take it easy for while though. He explained to her his job, everything about where he had been and what he had done, she was family now according to everything the boys had said and how they acted, he had been told they were to wed the girl. He told her how he was paid to take them out but he didn't when he realised they were his sons, he was shocked they too had been called to this life, he hadn't wanted that for them. But there was no fighting it, so together they would do this. He had been the one to carry her out of there, to help the doctor clean her up, the boys were in too much of a state to help so they were tasked with helping Rocco. They were planning on getting Papa Joe at his trial in three months which give them all enough time to heal. Then they were all going to Ireland. Lila didn't know how she felt about that, she thought about her mother in New York, she hadn't spoken to her in a long time with everything that had been going on, she wasn't quite sure what to tell her. Noah had made it quite clear she was to go with them, her safety was at risk here and the boys weren't about to make the same mistake twice. She wouldn't tell her mother until she got to Ireland, that way she couldn't get talked out of it.

The old man could see her head was spinning, all the information and everything that had happened. He felt for her. She had been caught in the crossfire of a war that wasn't hers, collateral damage, much like her father had been unbeknownst to the man. She was part of it now, nothing could change that. The mafia wanted her dead and the boys' plan of staying away to keep her safe had failed miserably, so now she had no choice but to stay with them. It had been interesting to see the boys with her, to see them both clearly so in love with one girl. He didn't question it though, they were twins and he always knew his boys were special, since the day they were born. It hurt him immensely that his grandchild had been part of the damage, the life lost in all of this, and he felt for her, to go through this alone since she was adamant the boys weren't to know. Truth be told, he didn't want them to know though, because if his own heartache was anything to go by, it would crush them. Murphy especially. It had not taken Noah long to see the dynamics of the brothers and how their personalities were so different. Murphy was more sensitive, seeing him wail as he clung to the girl back in the living room had been painful to witness. And Connor was pushing his feelings down, trying to be the strong one, but Noah could see it on his face, how heartbroken he was. He blamed himself for all of this. Noah hoped that things would settle down and once the girl started to heal, they could move forward from this, take out Papa Joe and then settle down back home and just live out their lives in peace.

Lila fell asleep whilst he was talking to her, the poor girl needed it. He hadn't known her long at all but he could just feel it off her, she was a good person and she was good for his boys. He hoped for all of their sakes that she would recover from this, from the beating, the head trauma and from the loss of the baby. He knew it would take time, and after this next hit, time was all they had. He hoped that a simple life after all this in the farmlands of Ireland would be enough to bring her back from what could be a very dark and desperate place.

**I know right, major plot twist looool. I told you I had an AU element in here and this was it. I couldn't bring myself to kill Rocco, I love him too much, sorry for those of you that hate me for this. Also, the baby thing, it wasn't planned at all. I myself suffered a miscarriage a few years ago when I was 12 weeks pregnant, so I'm either subconsciously trying to work through shit or I'm a sucker for pain, who knows. But it makes sense, because the boys needed that sense of loss that they had in the movie from Rocco dying, so this kind of makes up for that. You'll see.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry I've been MIA for a few days guys, dealing with a ruptured ovarian cyst and trust me when I say it's no joke.**

A couple of days passed by before Lila was feeling better. The first day, she had still been pretty out of it and she slept most of the day. She only woke when the guys woke her up with food, insisting she eat. They would sit with her, barely speaking, just watching her as she ate. The second day she seemed less sore and she was able to take a bath to clean herself, although she refused the help of the twins. Mentally though she hadn't been much better. She kept muttering to herself and the boys were more than worried that her head had been pretty damaged with everything that happened, it only got worse when she started talking shit that made no sense.

"_Lila, for fuck sake, stop worryin' about us and just focus on gettin' yerself better." Connor frowned, exasperated as she once again asked them if they were okay and if they had eaten before she would even put a bite of food in her mouth. _

"_You're more important." She huffed, glaring at them almost petulantly._

"_Like fuck we are. Yer more important and ye need te fuckin' concentrate on gettin' better." Murphy scowled at her, trying to take it easy on her no matter how frustrating this whole thing was._

"_I'm not important. I'm nothing, you told me that yourself remember?" She looked him dead in the eye, no emotion on her face which was more than unsettling. Connors' eyes widened as he looked to his brother in shock, but the rational part of his brain told him those words would never leave his twins lips._

"_The fuck ye talkin' about?! I'd never say somethin' like that!" Murphy protested, completely offended she would even say that to him. She tilted her head looking confused and like she was thinking and the twins glanced at each other worried._

"_Oh, right...yeah. It wasn't the real you. Nevermind." She muttered, not looking at them now as she started eating. The boys had no idea what the fuck that meant but it was worrying._

On the third day, the girl seemed to have taken a vow of silence. The boys were not sure if it was a good thing or not. It meant she wasn't coming out with ludicrous shit, but it meant she didn't speak to them at all. They understood she was dealing with things, processing everything that had happened in her own way, but they were on edge with the whole thing and it did little to ease their guilty conscious about the fact this was all their fault. They wanted nothing more than to hold her, to kiss and be with her, but since the first day when they had hugged her, she had avoided their touch at all costs. Even at night, she would refuse them to touch her, carefully peeling their hands off her and being sure to leave room between them as they slept. It was killing them seeing her this way, for her to be so distant. But they were patient, this was their doing, they would gladly suffer in every way possible if it meant she would heal from this.

Rocco would come in every so often and sit with them, and much to the boys' dismay, she seemed happier to be around him than she was with them. She would smile with him when he tried to make her laugh and she seemed brighter, like a glimpse of her former self peeking through the darkness that had consumed her. Again though, they put up with her rejection, they deserved it. The boys still weren't on the best of terms, Murphy still blamed Connor for making them leave the girl. Connor blamed himself too but the fact his own twin didn't have his back, that he had turned on him, it made him angry and bitter. But when they were around Lila, they put their differences aside so they didn't upset her, she didn't need any more shit on her plate to deal with than what she already had going on.

On the fourth day, Lila felt a little better. She woke up alone and her body ached just a little less. Her head wasn't as fuzzy and she felt like today she would actually be able to venture outside of the bedroom. She was starting to feel stir crazy in here. Her eye wasn't swollen shut anymore, but it was bruised badly, the white of her eye was red and her vision in that eye was still off. She hoped to fuck it would return to normal one day. She was black and blue, but she was healing, on the outside that was. Her heart was still broken but she was successfully pushing it all down. It wasn't exactly a good thing, since all the negative shit was bubbling at the surface, waiting to erupt, but it was hidden out of view from everyone else for now and that suited her just fine. Just smile, pretend it's all okay.

Noah had someone buy some clothes for them all and she rummaged in the bag, pulling out some sweatpants that fit her along with a black t-shirt. She had stopped bleeding now, so it was easier for her to pretend the baby never existed, she could pretend nothing bad had happened. She pulled her long hair up into a high ponytail and left the room carefully, still a little sore everywhere. Noah was sat at the table drinking coffee but Rocco and the boys were nowhere to be seen. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was getting harder to be around them, her emotions were all over the place with them. On one hand, she was angry with them, and deep down she blamed them for what happened to her and the child they didn't even know existed. They had left her alone, unprotected, they hadn't been there to help. On the other hand, she still loved them, and seeing them so upset about the state of her, so worried, it made her heart ache deep in her chest. Because nothing would ever stop her from loving them it seemed. So she didn't really know how to be around them now. One minute she wanted them to hold her, tell her they loved her, the next she wanted to beat the living daylights out of them. So she had kept her distance in order to keep her emotions in check.

She was well aware it wouldn't take much for her feelings to erupt like a volcano, and some time free from the boys was just what she needed to put off that impending doom. She walked over to the kitchen area, pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting at the table. Noah smiled at her, sipping his drink.

"Mornin' lass. I sent the boys out for a bit, thought ye could use a break." He said softly. She snorted a little, the old man was smart, that much was clear. He had been able to read her well in the short time they had known each other, but she was grateful.

"Thank you. They're just...smothering me." She sighed a little, cradling her cup in her hands. The man nodded, he knew as much. The boys never let her have a moments peace and he knew it was out of love and worry, but he could see the girl was about to explode and he wanted to put that off.

They drank in companionable silence for a while before she glanced to him.

"Do you think you could take me to the loft? There's some things there I'd like to get." She asked hesitantly, feeling cheeky for asking such a thing. The man looked a little surprised for a moment before agreeing. He wasn't sure what was so important to go back to the loft for but he could do with getting out of this apartment himself too. She put sunglasses on, trying to hide some of the mess her face was, but it wasn't enough judging by some of the looks she got on the way there. She looked around and everything was as she left it. Her bag wasn't there, she had lost that the day she was kidnapped and she sighed to herself. She had that bag since a young teen and it had taken forever to collect the patches she had sewn onto it. Noah watched curiously as she rummaged under the pillow, pulling out an envelope. It was Murphy's letter with the picture of the three of them, she also had the scan picture inside. She wasn't ready just yet to look at it, but at the same time, it didn't feel right just leaving it here. She grabbed one of her other bags, stuffing the envelope inside as well as some of her other clothes.

They made their way back to where they were staying and Lila rummaged around in the fridge. She decided to make a big breakfast for them all. Noah had told her not to, that it was fine, but she had been firm. She was used to this, cooking and cleaning, it gave her a sense of normalcy. The food was almost ready when the boys came bursting in, she glanced to them and she could just feel something was off. The boys were at odds with each other, and despite how half of her was mad at them, she didn't like it. The boys were more than shocked to see her up and about, it was a big difference from the day before. She turned back to plate up the food as Rocco and Murphy sat at the table, talking to Noah. She felt a presence at her side and looked to see it was a lighter twin looking not too happy.

"For fuck sake Lila, sit down, ye need te be restin'." He frowned. She felt the crack form on her armour. The one she was using to keep her feelings stuffed down. She clenched her jaw trying to keep it at bay, but Connor carried on, unaware of the impending doom.

"Yer not gonna get any better pushin' yerself like this, ye don't need te be makin' us-"

"I'm fucking fine!" She snapped, a lot harsher than she intended. She heard the murmur of conversation stop and she was well aware all eyes were on her despite the fact she wasn't looking at the others.

She felt guilty and she gripped the counter, breathing deeply as she tried to reign in the rage that was trying to burst out. It was like there were two different people inside of her at war with each other.

"I just worry lass." Connor whispered sadly, looking at her like a kicked puppy. She felt bad then, the half of her that wanted nothing more than for things to go back to how they were won out. She looked at him, looking pained and guilty and she moved to wrap her arms around his middle. He didn't waste any time in holding her tightly, it was the first physical contact she had allowed since the first day here and he relished in it, he wasn't sure when he would get this again with her mood swings.

"I'm sorry." She muttered regretfully, her anger ebbing away. He knew she hadn't meant it, if anything all of them were waiting on tenterhooks for her to blow her lid, she had been far too emotionless since she got back.

"Aye, it's fine." He replied, his hands rubbing her back soothingly. She moved away and went back to plating up the food as he sat down.

When she took the plates over, she noticed Murphy glaring at the table with a clenched jaw. She felt bad for him. He had fought for her, he had left her the note, picture and rosary, he had been the one against the plan to leave her. She was still mad at him for ending up doing it anyway, but it meant a lot he had put up a fight. She knew that's why the boys had been upset with each other, she didn't like it, and now Murphy seemed upset she had hugged Connor and not him. She felt the pang of guilt then. As much as she hated to admit it, she was mad at both of them, but more so Connor. He had told her that her place was with them, yet it had been his idea to leave her behind. He had knocked his brother out just so they could follow through with his plan, effectively hurting his twin as well as her. She came up behind where Murphy sat and placed the pate in front of him, she leant down, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug from behind. She felt him tense at first, not expecting it, but then he relaxed. His hands came up to rest on her arms as the pain settled inside of his chest. She knew her darker twin was struggling not to cry once again.

"_Níor rith cúrsa an ghrá fhíor réidh riamh, mo aingeal milis _(The course of true love never did run smooth, my sweet angel)." She whispered so only he could hear. His breathing hitched and she moved a little as he turned to look at her. His face was rife with emotion; pain, relief, heartache, love. She couldn't pinpoint just one. She had quoted his own letter to him, and in a way, he wondered if that was her way of thanking him for it. She called him her sweet angel, he felt far from that after what they had done to her. But to hear those words from her beautiful lips, it meant more than he could ever say. He swallowed thickly and she leant down to place a soft kiss on his forehead. The small affection stole his breath away and when she moved to sit down, he could feel his heart trying to burst out of his chest.

He had fought his brother so hard not to leave her, he didn't agree it was for the best and he wanted nothing more than to have her by their side. He and Connor had beat the holy hell out of each other about it and in the end, Connor had managed to knock him out. With time he started to believe Connors plan, that maybe it was best she stayed away from them, it was too dangerous. But he never stopped missing her for a moment. He would never forgive himself for not going back for her, for not fighting harder. He blamed his brother for coming up with the plan but he also blamed himself. He had written the letter to her in hopes he could make her understand, and for her to know they still loved her, they wouldn't ever forget her. He had cried multiple times when he wrote it, feeling his heart break all over again. He couldn't just leave her without a goodbye or a reason, he knew it would kill her.

"This is real good Lila." Rocco smiled at her, trying to ease the tense mood that settled over them all. Lila gave him a shy smile as she attempted to eat, her appetite hadn't been much better since before what happened.

"Indeed it is, yer a good cook lass. Me boys are lucky te have ye." Noah stated, somewhat proudly. Her cheeks flushed and the boys smiled to themselves, feeling their own sense of pride at their father's words. They were lucky to have her, they were lucky she was alive full stop and that was their fault. They grew sombre again then, glancing to each other, even when mad at each other they shared that pain. They shared the awful memory that had been burned into their brains of her being drug in by her hair, covered in blood, beaten mercilessly.

The rest of breakfast was eaten in silence and it was making Lilas skin crawl. With each passing day, she had been pulled further back into the real world rather than the far away place in her own mind, but that meant she was very close to snapping. Noah took the plates, washing them and he and Rocco went to their respective rooms, sensing the boys wanted to talk to the girl in private. This was the first day Lila had been responsive properly to anyone and up and doing something, so they knew the twins would want to finally be able to speak to her. They were both staring at her from across the table and she drummed her fingers on it anxiously, feeling small under their gaze.

"We are sorry, ye know that right?" Connor broke the silence, looking at her warily, his eyes pleading. She didn't want to do this, not now, not ever. She never wanted to talk about anything that had happened to her. Her silence worried the boys as they watched her, she wasn't even meeting their eyes.

"Lila, we don't ever expect ye te forgive us for what we did. But we still love ye." Murphy lamented.

"We thought it was for the best, we thought it'd keep ye safe. We didn't expect ye te get fuckin' beaten and raped." Connor frowned, making Murphy glower at him. Partly for the fact he had not agreed in the first place and also for saying those words out loud.

Lilas' eyes snapped up to them then. They had been treating her like a china doll and it made more sense now, they thought she had been raped. She felt defensive for some reason, a need to deny it, because they hadn't touched her in that way, and she was lucky for it. She didn't want the boys to see her as damaged goods, to be repulsed by her.

"I wasn't raped." She blurted without thinking. The boys' eyes widened, looking to each other as their faces grew confused.

"But, the blood…" Connor looked at her, not understanding what she was saying for a moment. A sense of dread washed over both twins and they sat up tenser, eyes glued to her. She realised what she had done now, in a moment of defensiveness she had opened a can of worms.

"Lila?" Murphy asked warily, not wanting to believe the gut feeling he was having and he knew his brother was sharing.

Lila nibbled her lower lip, feeling the fracture in her heart spread and get worse. She didn't know what to say, she didn't want to outright lie to them. Keeping something from them was one thing, but lying was another, and she knew they would see right through her. She didn't want to do this to them, but now she had no choice. She reached for her bag that was under the table and the boys watched her carefully, wondering what she was doing. She took out the envelope and Murphy's heart ached seeing his own writing on it, knowing she had kept his note. Connor squinted at it, he wasn't aware of Murphy leaving her a note and he turned and glared at his twin for a second. Lila opened it and pulled out a picture, the boys couldn't see what it was. She looked at it, tears welling in her eyes as she lay her eyes on the baby that would never be born for the first time since the poor soul had been taken from her. She tried to push it down, sliding the picture across the table for them to see.

Their hearts exploded in their chests, shattering into a million pieces over and over again. It was a blob, but it was clear it was a scan picture, they weren't that stupid. The guilt magnified tenfold and Connor took the picture with shaky hands, his eyes stinging with tears. Murphy turned his watery eyes to hers, he felt ready to throw up. It was obvious what happened to the baby, they had seen the amount of blood between her legs and the state of her. He felt his negative emotions shift into anger, as much as he wished that wasn't the case. His nostrils flared as his fists clenched, scowling at her.

"The fuck didn't ye tell us for?! We wouldn't have left!" He roared, standing up as he glared at her. It seemed he was trying to shift his own guilt onto her. That was all it took, and Connor knew before it happened, he saw on her face the moment her emotionless mask vanished and she erupted.

"Fuck you!" She yelled, standing herself with her eyes ablaze as she made her way around the table to him.

"I couldn't tell you because you fucking left me! Remember?! I found out not long after, and you didn't exactly give me a way of fucking contacting you!" Her hands were shaking as she shouted at him, but it did little to ease the boy's anger. Connor was still sat with the picture in his hands, tears falling down his cheeks as the guilt ate him alive.

"Well it sure as fuck ain't ours is it?! Ye took a test and it was negative and ye wouldn't fuck us after that! So who the fuck did ye sleep wit'?!" Murphy bellowed, his face turning red. Her mouth fell open then at his insinuation she would cheat on him, her hand reared back and she slapped him hard across the face, leaving the boy stunned for a moment as his twin watched on in horror at how bad things were escalating.

"I didn't fuck anyone else. It was a false negative, the doctor told me. I was 11 fucking weeks pregnant, you absolute fucking asshole." She seethed, her voice low as she burned holes into him with her stare. He swallowed thickly, more guilt added on top of everything, for accusing her of such a thing, for the fact she had been pregnant all along and they didn't even know, that they had left her. Before he could say anything though she continued.

"You two left me! You fucking left me when I needed you most! You told me my place was with you and nothing would change that, and then you fucking abandoned me when I needed you the more than ever! Fuck you both! Our baby is dead because of you! What happened to me is your fault because you left me alone and unprotected! So go the fuck to hell with your bullshit accusations!" She screamed, her words like molten lava pouring over both the boys' hearts.

She didn't stick around to see them both cry, she stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door so hard it felt like the walls shook. Murphy stood there, chest heaving as he turned to glare at his twin who now stood up, picture still in hand.

"Murph…" Connor started, wanting to reach out to his brother, needing him more than ever. Murphy shoved him harshly, nearly knocking him over.

"Fuck you! This is all yer fault! I told ye I didnae wanna leave her and ye fuckin' made me! Now look what ye've done!" He roared, tears streaming down his face. It only made Connors guilt get worse seeing his twin so broken.

"Ye think I don't know this is all my fault?! I thought it would keep her safe!" He yelled back, getting upset at his twin's rejection. Murphy growled, grabbing his twin by the shirt and shoving him into the wall.

"Well it didnae fuckin' work did it?!" He screamed, landing a solid punch to his brother's jaw.

Connor knew he deserved it, but in that moment he was so consumed with anger towards himself and the fact that his brother hated him, he took it out on the closest thing, which happened to be said brother. Connor lunged at him, punching his brother right in the eye as the pair scrambled with each other, trading punches as they yelled and cursed at each other. The scan picture fell to the floor, forgotten as the pair wailed on each other with more anger than they had ever held for each other. They only just made out the desperate pleas in the background.

"Stop it! Fucking stop it!" Lila screamed, trying to separate them both and failing. Noah and Rocco came out then, hearing the commotion and they managed to untangle the boys from each other as they still hurled insults.

A loud sob came from the girl, now sat on the floor holding the crumpled scan picture to her chest. The noise was enough to knock the air from both boys lungs as they watched her, realising what they had done. Her pain was overwhelming, now the dam had burst it seemed to be never-ending as she wailed pitifully. The brothers glanced to each other. What were they doing? They didn't need to place blame, that wouldn't help anyone. They should be focusing on helping each other through this, not knocking the shit out of each other. Noah gave them a sour look as he knelt down next to the lass, helping her to stand, and they noticed he wasn't phased by the picture she was holding. The realisation that he knew left a bitter taste in their mouth but they didn't say anything, they just watched as he led the girl to the bedroom.

Murphy wiped his eyes as the pain washed over him, drowning him completely. They had failed their girl and their unborn child. They didn't know it existed but it didn't matter. They had a baby and now it was dead because of them. He leant against the wall as he sobbed, sliding down to sit on the floor with his head in his hands. He felt Connor sit next to him, wrapping his arms around him. Murphy leant into him, clinging desperately as they both cried about the life lost. They were bloody and bruised now, but their hearts hurt the most. They weren't really sure how to get over this, but they knew they had to, they had no choice. The need for Papa Joe's blood only increased, the blame now shifting onto the rightful person, the one who had done this to her. They would seek retribution for their baby, they would put this right and then they could settle down and try to repair all the damaged caused.


	14. Chapter 14

For days Noah refused to let the boys anywhere near Lila. She had been distraught after everything, the accusations, telling them, the fight. Noah could see disaster looming in the distance if he didn't intervene. He could see how much they all loved each other and he wanted to help them, he didn't want the boys making it any worse. He had forced them to sleep in Rocco's room on the floor, which just made them feel even more like shit, not being able to sleep next to her. And as much as they wished they hated their Da for doing it, they knew why he was. They had fucked up, they had hurt her when she was already hurting and they made it worse for her. It had been a shock to learn of a baby only to find out it had died right away, it had been painful and raw. And then to top it off, Murphy had to open his big mouth. He hadn't meant what he said, but when he heard the news, it had cut him so deeply, it was like his brain short-circuited and tried to find any way to lessen the pain, by telling him the baby couldn't be his.

The twins didn't blame each other anymore, the fight had got the rage and their grief out of their systems and they knew who was to blame, Papa fucking Joe, but they were still concerned the girl blamed them like she had told them. The girl had been through the wringer, getting kidnapped, beaten bloody and their baby taken away like that. The news hurt them and they didn't even know about the baby, she had, she even had a scan picture. She had bonded with the child in her belly and they knew her pain must be tenfold to what they were experiencing. So they were on their best behaviour, staying away from her even if it killed them because they knew she needed the space.

Rocco went in to see her every day. When he heard the news, he was gutted, he cried himself. It had been hard to hear and it only made the image of her with blood running down her legs much more harrowing. He wanted to be there for all of his friends, and that's what he was doing, but he was more interested in Lila since the boys had each other and she was locking herself away. His presence did help her though, he made her smile and laugh, lightened the mood a little. It was like a slice of normal, of how things used to be, and she was grateful to him for doing that for her. He had told her how the boys were not fighting anymore and she was grateful for that. It had been scary to see them at each other's throats like that, so full of rage and anger, she hadn't ever seen them like that with each other before and she was worried they might kill each other.

She was healing well, her body ached less and her bruises were not as bad, she had finally stopped bleeding which she was happy about since it was no longer a glaring reminder of what was taken away from her. In her time alone in the room, she had made peace with a lot of things. It still hurt, she didn't think it would ever stop hurting, but she knew she needed to move past it or it would eat her alive. She didn't blame the boys anymore. She had done, when she told them she did, she had meant it, but now with some space and time to think, she realised it wasn't their fault. They hadn't known what would happen, they thought they were keeping her safe. She couldn't hold it against them that the plan had gone ass upwards in the worst way.

Noah had surprised her quite a bit. She barely knew the man but he seemed very protective of her, he was always coming in, bringing her food and drinks and she was well aware it was him that was keeping the boys away. It amused her how they seemed almost scared of the man, that they had not disobeyed his orders. She was glad they hadn't thought, she really needed this time alone to get her shit together. She just wanted to go back to how it was, she missed the boys too much, she had already been separated from them for too long. She was looking forward to them taking out the asshole who had taken her baby away, and then they could go to Ireland and just have a peaceful life. She fucking needed it.

She sat on her bed fully dressed, she had been working up the courage to leave the room for over an hour. Despite not blaming the boys anymore, she knew a lot of shit had been said. She was still upset with Murphy and what he had said to her if she was honest. She knew deep down he wouldn't have meant it, but after the news she just told him, it felt like a huge smack in the face to throw at her. And she felt bad enough herself about telling the boys outright she blamed them. It was clear finding out had ruined them, their reaction and fight was clear enough and she knew her placing the blame on them was like adding fuel to the fire. She needed to tell them she didn't think that anymore and tell them she was sorry.

She stood up, blowing out a shaky breath as she left the room. The boys were sat at the dining table as they came out, she wasn't sure where Rocco was and she knew Noah was out all day setting up the plans for the trial. They stopped talking immediately at the sight of her, shocked at seeing her since it had been days and they just stared at her as she went over to pour herself a glass of water. The eyes burning into her back made her guilt increase and she felt awkward, she hated how she felt like this around them. They'd been through so much now, it shouldn't be like this. She felt so cut off from them, no longer feeling them like she used to, it made her heart ache. She turned around, their eyes still pinned to her as she sat at the table. They glanced to each other, unsure of what to say, they hadn't expected to see her at all, let alone for her come and sit with them. Murphy fidgeted, the words on the tip of his tongue making him restless and he couldn't help himself before they tumbled out.

"M'sorry Lila, what I said, I'm fuckin' sorry about it all, I didnae mean it, ye know that aye?" He rambled, looking at her imploringly. She sipped her water calmly, glancing at him. Her silence was bothering him, he couldn't get a read on her, none of the boys could since this whole thing started and it was unsettling.

"It hurt, I won't lie, but I know you didn't mean it." She said softly, her hands toying with the glass. He felt relief sweep through him that she had spoken to him at all. Connor watched her carefully as a moment of silence between them passed and she knew she needed to apologise too.

"Look...I don't blame you for what happened, I know it wasn't your fault, I know you had my best interests at heart. But I will say something. If you ever fucking up and leave like that again, I'll make you fucking pay, are we clear?" She asked, a deadly serious face as she looked from one boy to another. They looked at her almost wide-eyed at her threat, but they nodded. They were glad she didn't blame them anymore, but it was clear them leaving her had really hurt her, fuck, it hurt them and they knew about what they were going to do.

"We won't lass, we swear. It was a mistake and one we'll spend the rest o' our lives payin' for." Connor muttered tensely, feeling the heavy burden of it all once again on his shoulders. She might not have blamed them anymore, but he sure as fuck blamed himself.

"I just want things back to how they were. I lost the most precious thing to me and I feel like I've lost you too." She whispered, tears welling in her eyes as she glared at her glass. Murphy squeezed his eyes shut, his throat closing up. It felt like someone was stabbing his heart over and over again.

"Ye've not lost us Lila, I know it feels like that because o' what we did, but ye've not, I swear it." Connor said firmly, taking her hand from across the table. She looked at him and swallowed thickly, it was the most contact she had with either of them in days and it was almost painful.

"It's gonna take time, to move past this, but we can't just stay stuck on it forever. I don't want it to be like this between us anymore." She stated softly, making Murphy too reach out and grasp her hand tightly.

When she looked at him, she could see the tears he was fighting and it hurt her, he was always so sensitive and she knew he would be hurting badly with all this, he wasn't like Connor, dealing with it, stuffing it in a box and trying to move on. He lowered his head as a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, the grip on her hand tightening.

"Do ye forgive us m'girl?" He asked brokenly, making her heart seize up. Even Connor clenched his jaw at his brother's painful tone of voice, it was hard to deal with, he was feeling every bit of his twin's heartache as well as his own.

"I forgive you for leaving me, you thought it would keep me safe. I'm not happy about it and it better not happen again, but I forgive you. Everything else wasn't your fault." She said as she squeezed his hand, making him look up at her with his tearful gaze. He nodded, releasing her hand as he wiped his eyes and tried to compose himself.

Connor stood up and Lila looked at him curiously.

"Alright, c'mon, group hug." He smiled, trying to make the mood a little lighter, once again taking the lead to be the one who helped give the girl what she wanted, for things to start to go back to how they were. Murphy snorted but stood up anyway and Lila couldn't help the small smile on her face as she stood up. The boys wrapped their arms around her tightly and she melted into them, it always made her feel safe and cared for when they did this, touching them, being able to smell them. They held her tightly, Murphy burying his face in her hair and taking comfort from her. They knew this was probably the hardest thing they had ever been through, but they had always managed to come out of things on the other side somehow, as long as they had each other. A lot of things had been said and done but nothing could be changed about that now. They had all made the choice to let go of the bad things in the past and move on, it was the only option.


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, so some of you guys might be a little upset with me since it's gonna feel like I've skipped over some stuff. So let me explain myself a little before the pitchforks come out looool.**

**I've mentioned before I don't plan my writing, I free write. I literally open a blank document, start typing randomly and the story makes itself. Because of this, I'm often surprised myself with where the story goes and believe me when I say the whole baby thing was not expected and it became a little hard to write honestly with my personal experience on the matter.**

**The story was in a very dark place, and I was so stuck on how to move it forward. At one point I almost considered not even finishing it o.O**

**So, this chapter is me trying to move things along back to a place that's nice to read and not so horrible and dark. As much as I love hurt and angst, too much of it is a bad thing.**

**So if you're upset with me for skipping over some things, I'm sorry. It was either this or abandoning the story altogether.**

The back of the van was slightly cold and Lila shifted, her ass going numb as she sighed.

"Think they'll be done soon?" Rocco asked quietly from beside her, he was fidgeting himself and she knew he was nervous.

"I have no idea Roc." She replied softly, laying her head on his shoulder. It was D day, the day she had been waiting for and the boys and their father were currently inside the courthouse. There was a risk, being in public like this. They had quite a few cops on their side but anything could happen and they were both nervous for the boys to return. Rocco had been instructed to stay by Lilas side for two reasons; the first one being the assholes thought he was dead and they all wanted it to stay that way, they wouldn't go looking for a dead man. The second was the fact that the boys were reluctant to leave Lila by herself at all, and having Roc there eased their minds when they wouldn't be able to be with her themselves.

It had been a couple of months now, it hadn't been plain sailing in the slightest. Despite Lila and the boys wanting to go back to how it used to be, it of course took time. The distance the boys had created by leaving her for so long and the heartache of the baby still loomed over them, making things awkward and strained at first. Connor had been the one to push through, knowing he had no choice. He would plonk himself down next to her and sling an arm around her shoulders, he knew it would encourage his brother, give him some confidence to touch the girl himself. Eventually, with each passing day, things started to ease up and they managed to slip back into the same easy routine they had always had. Both boys touching her without thought, Lila enjoying it, the three of them just gravitating towards each other all of the time.

Lila's mental state was also something that took time to piece together. At first, she had nightmares every night which worried the boys to no end. When she would wake screaming, she wouldn't let them touch her and would mutter things to herself. Her mood swings had also been almost unbearable, but they pushed through because they loved her, and even though she no longer blamed them, they still blamed themselves. In time, the nightmares got less frequent until they were rare, and with that, her moods seemed to settle and she started to seem happier than she had been. They were all grateful for it. The boys knew they made the worst mistake of their lives with leaving her, they would never be able to take it back, all they could do was help her through anything she needed and be there for her, or give her space when she wanted.

The boys were unsure at first if she would ever want another baby with them, to start a family, but when they started being intimate again, they didn't use protection and she hadn't said a word. It was unspoken between them, almost like all of them were too wary to bring it up, but the knowledge was there all the same that they still wanted that with each other. They knew if she got pregnant again, it wouldn't replace the life lost, not by a long shot. That wasn't why they wanted to have another baby with her. They wanted a family with her, a new baby would just simply be an extension, the baby they had lost was a soul in their own right and no amount of other children would ever take their place.

The bags were packed and ready in the van, Noah would be driving them to the docks where they'd already got passage on a boat. It was all set up and ready, all Lila and Rocco had to do was wait for the three to return so they could be off and start their new life. It felt like a lifetime until the boys opened the back doors of the van and hopped in, Noah getting in the front and making a quick getaway. She looked at them questioning, no words needed, asking if it was done. They both nodded and she sighed in relief. The boys looked lighter and she knew why. They had sent that piece of shit to judgement and the boys knew, they had faith that God would punish him justly for what he had done, not just to them and their girl, but anyone he had ever crossed.

Rocco moved over to the other side of the van knowing the boys would want to sit either side of her and he wasn't wrong, the boys settling on each side. Connor laced his fingers with hers as Murphy wrapped an arm around her shoulders. It was a profound moment after what they had just done, where their life was heading, and none of them could bring themselves to speak, just letting the moment wash over them. It didn't take too long to get to the docks and on the boat, Lila sharing a room with the boys and Rocco sharing with Noah.

It took a few days to get to Ireland, they were all getting a little stir crazy by the end of the trip and Lila couldn't wait to just have some decent rest. The beds they had been staying in had been small and reminded her of prison cots, she had been alternating between each boys bed every night since they couldn't move them together, they had been attached to the wall. The plan was that Rocco and Noah were taking one car, going to the farm they'd be living at now, their new home, whilst the boys took Lila on a little detour to see their Ma. They'd be living close enough to her that if they had children, she would be able to be part of their lives. They had all agreed not to tell their mother about anything, especially not the baby, they didn't want to hurt her. All she knew was that the boys' father had come back into their lives and they had all decided to move back home. Annabel hadn't been upset about it, it meant they were close by and she really wanted to meet Lila.

Lila was nervous if she was honest. She knew the woman liked her, they had talked on the phone a lot and got on well. But meeting her face to face was different, especially when Murphy and Connor kept going on how scary she could fucking be. They pulled up a dirt road to a quaint little house, Connor stopping the car. Murphy had been sat in the back with her and he jumped out, her following suit. The door opened and Annabel walked out, a wide grin on her face at seeing her boys for the first time in years.

"Ma!" Murphy laughed boyishly as he ran over, wrapping his arms around her. It was fucking adorable and Lila watched him with a smile of her own. Connor smirked at her, walking with her as they made their way over to the door. When she released Murphy, Connor embraced her, it warmed Lilas heart to see the boys with their mother.

"Well, come on then, let's look at ye." The older woman grinned as she practically shoved Connor out of the way to see Lila. Murphy snorted at the offended look on his brothers face.

"Christ on a cracker, ye little shits failed te mention just how pretty she is." She chided, making Murphy squint at his Ma whilst Lila blushed furiously.

"Well that's a fuckin' lie, we told ye all the fuckin' time how beautiful she is." He huffed, wincing when he got a clip around the ear. Lila had to bite her lower lip so she didn't laugh but Connor was more than happy to laugh loudly at his brother's misfortune.

"Language around the ladies, ye little fuck." Annabel scolded him, making him pull a face and lower his head.

"What ladies?" Connor snorted jokingly, only to grumble when he too got a clip around the ear. It seemed to cheer his brother right up though.

"It's lovely te meet ye lass, me lads are lucky te have found someone te put up wit' their shit." Annabel grinned as she wrapped her arms around Lila.

"They're not all bad." Lila snorted as she hugged her back, making the woman bark out a laugh.

A few hours later and just like Murphy had imagined all that time ago, their Ma had shown her every baby picture of the boys she owned whilst complaining about everything they had ever done wrong. They were sure the woman had a fucking list somewhere that she had kept to keep track of everything. The twins had watched on with stupid smiles on their faces, loving how their mother seemed to love the girl as much as they did, it was nice watching them laugh together, for them to be home. It just felt right that she was there with them.

"I can get ye a job at the Anvil, the boys' uncle Sibeal could use a spare set o' hands and he wouldn't mind another pretty face te have around." Annabel said as she sipped her tea, making Lila grateful, she had been worried about getting a job here.

"Just make sure he keeps his fuckin' hands te himself." Connor squinted as he pointed at her.

"Aye, or we'll cut 'em fuckin' off." Murphy scowled, making his mother snort a little. It was strange to see her boys, now real men, being so protective and jealous. She wasn't too surprised though and she knew exactly what they meant. Sibeal could be a bit of menace when he wanted to be around women but she had no doubt Lila would put him in his place herself if it ever came to that.

"So, when's the weddin'?"Annabel asked bluntly. The three of them went quiet. They hadn't really talked about it, or thought about it. The wedding was supposed to be in Boston but that obviously couldn't happen now despite the fact they had paid for some of the shit already. Now they didn't know what they were going to do. Annabel looked between them all and laughed, noticing their faces.

"I should've known ye wouldn't have thought about it, ye little fucks. Don't worry about it, I'm sure Father O'Malley will be happy te do the weddin', I'll have a word wit' him and get it all sorted." She said, clearly excited about the whole thing. It was weird for the boys to see their mother enthusiastic about something other than booze. They were glad though, not only was she approving of the relationship, they knew she would indeed take care of everything and after all they had been through, planning a wedding wasn't something they were looking forward to.

After some more ear bashing about the fact they hadn't called and made her worry, they were once again on their way, this time to their new home. When they pulled up, Lila was shocked at how much land they had. She wasn't sure just how they had acquired it but she wasn't going to ask. As she got out of the car, she noticed the little cottage with the lights on, knowing that's where Noah would be. Rocco was living in the main house with the three of them but he would be living in the extension which had all its own facilities. She had no doubt though he had no intention of cooking for himself when she would do it for him. It was like this place was made for them and she could honestly imagine raising children here, it made her excited and her heart hurt all at the same time.

The boys came out of the car and stood on either side of her, Connors arm around her waist and Murphys around her shoulder

"So, what do ye think?" Connor asked, glancing at her with a smile.

"I really like it, it feels like home already." She grinned, making boy boys beam smiles at her. They could make it work here. It was time to look forward to the future now and try to let go of the past, and this was certainly a step in the right direction.


	16. Chapter 16

**Just fair warning, the next chapter might take a few days to get up since I'm still in the middle of writing it, then I have to edit it. I'm also still sick and dealing with a bunch of other stuff. In other news, I have another Boondock Saints story in the works which has a supernatural twist and after this story, I'll start posting my multi-chapter Daryl Dixon ones. Lots of stuff coming up guys, you just might need to be a little patient for me to finish them up.**

A month went by pretty quickly as they all settled into their new life in Ireland. They got some sheep which helped earn them money from the wool and the boys still had a lot of cash from the hits they had done that would last them. Lila worked at The Anvil, the boys had insisted she didn't have to, but she wanted to work, she wanted to feel like life was normal and forget everything that happened in Boston. The twins had very stern words with their uncle Sibeal and Lila was more than amused that the man seemed scared to even look at her now, she didn't mind though, he seemed like a bit of a perv. Things seemed to be settling down and it was getting easier for her to push the past to the back of her mind. It was peaceful here and the boys were no longer going out and taking bad men out, she didn't have to worry about their safety anymore or worry they would up and leave her once again.

She sat in the bathroom, her lower lip between her teeth as she looked at the pregnancy test. It was positive, and she honestly didn't know how she felt about it. She thought she would be excited, especially now things had calmed down and they could actually have a life here, but all she felt was dread. She had gotten so attached to the first baby, and now she was scared this one would be taken from her too. She knew she couldn't go through that again, it would kill her. She heaved a sigh, trying to calm herself, she knew she would have to tell the boys. She stood up and walked out, walking into the living room where the boys were watching tv. She was grasping at the stick in her hand and both of them looked to her as she just stood there, their eyes being drawn to the test.

"Is...Is it?" Murphy whispered hopefully, looking at her with his bright blue eyes, it made her heart ache. Connor was watching her carefully. Part of him though she would say negative since she didn't look excited at all. She didn't speak, just nodded as she handed Connor the test since he was closest to her. The boys looked at it, beaming grins splitting their faces as Murphy let out an incredulous laugh. He jumped up, bounding over to her as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. He was too consumed by his excitement to notice how tense she felt when she carefully wrapped her arms around his middle.

"Fuckin' hell Murph, let go and let me hug her too." Connor grumbled from behind him, making Murphy snort into her hair, giving her one last squeeze as he moved away, he noticed then, as his brother wrapped her up in his arms, that she looked less than happy about the whole thing and it made him frown a little.

"What's wrong?" He asked warily, pinning his gaze on her as Connor moved away.

"Nothing." She lied, giving him a fake smile avoiding his eyes. It made him squint a little and his brother sent him a mental nudge to drop it. He wasn't sure just why she was acting this way but he knew it probably had something to do with everything that had gone on. She didn't want to talk about it and they both needed to respect that, when she was ready she would talk to them. Murphy huffed but dropped it anyway, knowing his brother was right.

"So, who should we tell first? Ma, Da or Rocco?" Connor asked with a grin, trying to steer the mood back into good rather than sour.

"Ah fuckin' Christ, let's tell Ma! She'll have a fuckin' heart attack." Murphy laughed gleefully.

"No! We...we shouldn't tell people yet." Lila protested, looking from Murphy to Connor with wide eyes. They glanced to each other before back at her.

"Why not?" Murphy frowned, he was far too excited, they were going to have a baby, he would shout it from the rooftops if he could.

"It's just too soon. We should wait." She muttered, wringing her hands a little. Connors line of thought was confirmed then, that she was worried because of what happened last time, and once again the guilt swelled up inside of them.

"Alright sweetheart, we'll wait." Connor smiled softly at her, taking her hand reassuringly. She relaxed then, nodding gratefully and Murphy leant in, kissing the side of her head sweetly. He wasn't happy with having to wait but he knew why she wanted to. After all they had put her through he would do anything she would ask of him just to help her feel better.

A few days later and Lila found herself kneeling in front of the toilet, head resting on her arms pitifully. She had stopped throwing up about five minutes ago but she was too scared to move in fear it would start all over again. Connor was out helping his Da with the sheep and Murphy was sat by her side, rubbing her back soothingly. He hated seeing her so sick and miserable but at the same time, it was a sign that their baby was in her belly and that made him the happiest fucker alive. He had dutifully held her hair from her face as she threw up violently and then rubbed her back whilst she sat their miserable and fed up. He hadn't exactly been through this before with a girl and he had no idea just how rough pregnancy could be on a lass, he really felt for her.

"Did ye go through all this...last time?" He asked hesitantly, breaking the silence. She didn't move though, the weight settling heavy in her chest at his words.

"Yeah. Remember all the times I was sick and we thought it was because of everything that was going on?" She asked softly, not moving from her spot on the floor, head still resting on her arms lest her stomach turn on her once more, the traitorous bastard. Murphy licked his lip as he nodded, he did remember. She threw up after Connor set the Russians ass on fire, when the boys came back injured and had to sort their own wounds out. Back then he had thought it was the stress. He almost threw up himself when he had his wound cauterised and he had to help with Connors. Now he knew better and it hurt him.

"I know...I know yer worried love, scared even, and I cannae exactly promise ye things will be fine this time. But...I do believe God's lookin' out for us and it'll be okay." He said carefully, watching as she sat up, glaring at him.

"Really Murph? God? Where the fuck was he when I needed him, or our first baby?" She sneered at him, making him wince a little at the harshness of her words, her tone was cutting and he regretted opening his mouth, but he wanted her to hear this.

"I know it seems like he wasn't there, but things happen for a reason Lila, even bad things. We don't know the reason but it doesn't mean there isn't one." He replied warily, watching as she clenched her jaw. He felt like he was digging his own grave with these words at the look she was giving him.

"Enlighten me Murphy just what the reasons were for having me beat within an inch of life and our baby dying, because I'd love to fucking know." She bit out, making him swallow thickly and lower his eyes. It was still painful to talk about.

"Lila...I don't…" He started softly.

"No. I swear if you start with the 'God works in mysterious ways' bullshit, I'll drown you in the fucking toilet." She squinted, he heaved a sigh, knowing this was a losing battle. He just wanted her to know God was there, that he loved her like all of his children but he knew it probably wasn't the right time.

"I'm not, alright? Ye know it hurt me what happened, and I was angry meself, but I know there was a fuckin' reason love. God's still there, it might not feel like it and ye have every right te be angry at him, no one will hold it against ye, but he's still there." He stated firmly, levelling his gaze onto hers.

"Then where was he every time I've needed him Murphy?" She lamented, her voice cracking as tears stung her eyes. She had been over emotional the last few days due to hormones but that wasn't why she wanted to cry. She had been through so much in her life; her father being murdered, her grandfather dying, the car accident, Murphy dying briefly, the fucking thing with the Russians and then the baby. She was sure God hated her by this point. Murphy's heart squeezed painfully in his chest at her words and the look on her face, it hurt him so much to know she was in pain, he just wanted to take it all away. He knew she had been through too much in her life, he knew she had every right not to believe in God after this and he wouldn't ever hold it against her, she wasn't devout like he and his brother were. He wrapped his arms around her and was pleased to feel her melting into him, not mad at him for bringing all of this up. He stroked her hair affectionately as he just soaked her in.

"I love ye m'girl." He mumbled into her hair, inhaling her sweet cinnamon scent that she always seemed to have, he was glad it never changed, he wasn't sure how she managed it. She moved away from him and smiled up at him, making his breathing hitch at the sight. Her smile always floored him, from the very first time he had seen it on her beautiful face. It felt like a lifetime ago and now they were having a baby and were getting married. He couldn't believe just how lucky he and his brother were, she was an angel.

"I love you too Murphy." She said softly. He leant in to kiss her and she turned her face, making him scoff and look at her offended.

"Murph...I've just been throwing up." She snorted, making his eyes widen as he realised, the tips of his ears turned pink and she almost outright laughed at him.

"Guess I should fuckin' thank ye then. Hurry up and brush yer teeth so I can kiss ye." He smirked, making her flick his nose playfully. He laughed as he captured her hand, bringing it up to his lips as he kissed her knuckles sweetly.

There was a knock at the door and they both turned to look at it, still sat on the floor as it opened and Connor poked his head through. He came in, shutting the door behind him and she noticed the glass of water in his hand.

"Thought ye might need this." He smiled as he handed it to her, she grinned gratefully as she sipped it, watching as he crouched next to her, feeling her head. He had been a little overbearing with his mothering since they found out, every time she was sick he would smother her. He would only try to help but it was too much, it was why she had sent him out to help his father instead of Murphy. Connor was usually really good at reading her and respecting when she needed space, but it seemed the fact she was carrying their child kicked his overprotectiveness into overdrive and he was clucking around her like a mother hen.

"How ye feelin'? Ye need anythin'? Maybe ye should lay down aye?" He asked concerned as he continued feeling her face. She squinted and swatted his hand away, causing Murphy to snort from next to her. Connor glared at him for a minute before looking back at the girl with a huff.

"I just wanna make sure yer alright sweetheart." He sighed, almost pouting and she felt a little bad. She took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"I know, but I'll be okay. You don't need to be so…" She struggled to find the words without offending him.

"Overbearin', that's what she's tryin' te tell ye brother. Yer smotherin' the poor girl." Murphy smirked smugly, making her narrow her eyes at him as she reached out and pinched his nipple. He squeaked and held his sore nipple as he glowered at her.

"Is he right? Am I bein' too much?" Connor asked, looking so sad she had to resist the urge to squeeze him.

"Maybe...just a little. I like that you care, it's sweet. But it's just morning sickness Connor, I'm not dying." She said carefully, feeling so guilty. He nodded, relenting as he realised he was indeed being too much and it only made her feel even more guilty. She couldn't describe the look on his face, almost like he was disappointed in himself.

"Was the water alright or was that too much too?" He asked confused, he had no idea how to do this, this was so new to him and he was out of his depth, and where he thought he had been caring for her, he had been annoying her instead.

His confused face and his words made her heart flutter and she knew right then she didn't care if he mothered her, its what he wanted to do, to make himself feel useful and if that's what he needed, she would put up with it. He cared, and that's what mattered.

"The water was fine Connor, don't worry about it okay? I like you looking after me." She smiled, it widening when a beaming grin split his face like he'd just received the best news of his life, it was endearing. His brother didn't even make any snarky comments, seeing and feeling how at a loss his brother had been. He knew this was his way of trying to take charge of the situation and to care for her. Just like Murphy had, he leant in to kiss her and she only just managed to dodge his lips, they landed on her cheek instead. He moved away looking at her the same way Murphy had, so fucking offended, and Murphy burst out laughing.

"She's been sick ye wee twit." He snorted at Connor. Connor blanched and looked to her as she bit her lip so she didn't laugh at him, they'd both probably think twice before kissing her now, it was amusing.

Connor dipped his fingers in her glass of water and flicked the water at Murphy, making his laughter die on his lips as he squinted at him.

"I'll fuckin' get ye for that one ye gobshite." He scowled, leaning over to thwack his brother across his head. Lila grabbed his wrist though and gave him a pointed look. They'd had a talk about not fighting near her, even just playfully, she didn't want them to hit her accidentally and hurt her or the baby. They had been good for the most part, but it didn't mean the temptation wasn't still there. Murphy huffed at the look she gave him and lowered his hand, and when she turned to look at Connor, she saw him smirk smugly at his brother. Lila leant over and smacked him around the head, making him cry out in shock as Murphy erupted in laughter.

"The fuck was that for?!" Connor grumbled, rubbing the back of his head as he pouted at her.

"Don't goad your brother." She scolded playfully, making Murphy grin widely.

"Yeah Connor, don't goad me." He smirked, looking like the cat that ate the canary. Connor narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't push your luck Murphy or you'll get one too." She snorted, making his smile vanish off his face as he looked at her.

"Fuckin' hell, she's worse than Ma." Murphy stated warily.

"Ye said that before. That time ye got drunk off yer face. Do ye remember that? When ye kept orderin' drinks on Lilas first day just so she would come back and talk te ye?" Connor sniggered, making Murphy's eyes widen as he blushed furiously. Lila looked at him, watching in fascination as he blushed brighter than she had ever seen him blush.

"Wait, that's why you were so drunk? I thought you'd had a bad day at work or something." She said softly, making Murphy look down and toy with his hands. He wanted to throttle his brother for letting out that piece of information and the smug look on his face made it obvious he had said it on purpose.

"Aye. Ye were just so busy and we didn't get te talk te ye much, so I thought...if I ordered a drink ye had te come back, so I kept orderin' drinks." He muttered, still blushing like a tomato. He finally looked at her, blinking slowly as she took his hand with a beaming grin, it made him relax a little.

"That's really sweet Murphy." She smiled, kissing his hand much like he had done to her earlier. Her bright smile made his heart still in his chest for a moment.

"Oh come on, it was a stupid plan! Don't be coddlin' him." Connor whined, clearly not impressed that his plan to embarrass his brother had backfired, now she seemed to think it was so sweet and fucking adorable. Murphy shot him a smug look and he squinted.

"Wasn't a stupid plan, worked didn't it?" Murphy asked with a smirk.

"Aye but then ye were too sloshed te fuckin' spend time wit' her and she had te help me home wit' ye. And then she spent the night wit' me." Connor grinned, making Murphy huff in response.

"Well that's a lie. I stayed until the cab came and then I went home." Lila snorted, Murphy laughed at her words and Connor threw his hands up in defeat.

"It doesn't even matter anyway, because we're here now together, and that's what matters." She said softly, taking Connors hand too so the three of them were linked together, both boys smiling at her like lovesick fools.

"Aye, and we're havin' a wee babe." Murphy grinned excitedly.

"And we're gettin' married. This Saturday, by the way, Ma arranged it." Connor added casually, making Lilas' eyes widen.

"This weekend?! Why didn't you tell me?! I need a dress! I need to call Aileen to see if she can come, oh God I need to call my Ma…" She looked spooked almost and Murphy bit his lip so he didn't laugh at her.

"Ma already called yer Ma and Aileen, they'll both be here. Everythin's arranged, all ye need is a dress and there's a shop in town ye can go te." Connor supplied, clearly having the plan worked out as always.

"Do you think Rocco would come with me to shop for the dress?" She asked, glancing from one boy to the other.

"Why can't we come?" Murphy frowned, making Connor roll his eyes.

"We're not supposed te see the bride in the dress before the weddin' ye fuckin' dope, its bad luck." Connor snorted.

"Wait, what about the legal one, me and Murphy, does your Ma know about that?" She asked carefully. She wasn't really sure if the boys had disclosed that part of the plan and she still felt wary about it since it was only to one twin, she knew why they wanted her to do it, to be legally linked to them and to take their last name, but she still felt like she was walking the fine line of playing favourites. She wasn't sure how their Ma would take it.

"She does, its booked in for Friday. Me and Roc will go as witnesses, ye just go in, sign the shit, and it's done." Connor grinned proudly, happy he had it all worked out. She was relieved Annabel knew about it and she was fine with it, but it still felt weird. She wouldn't have gone for it at all if it hadn't been Connor himself that had suggested she legally marry Murphy.

"Okay, I guess we're getting married this weekend then." She said like she was in awe about the whole thing.

"Aye, soon ye'll be Mrs MacManus." Murphy beamed at her, making her snort a little.


	17. Chapter 17

**If anyone's interested in the dress, you'll have to head over to my Tumblr chapter of this, I tried to add the picture and it wouldn't let me, tried to add the link and it wouldn't let me either *sighs***

**Crossbows-and-Moonshine is my Tumblr.**

Lila huffed as she looked at herself in the floor length mirror. She was having a hard time finding a wedding dress she actually liked on her and she was starting to feel bad on Rocco. When they had first arrived, they had both stood there dumbfounded and shocked at the amount of dresses, all the different styles, and they both clearly looked way out of their depth since the saleslady came over. She was Lilas fairy godmother, she had supplied Lila with so many beautiful dresses, the only issue was she didn't like any of them on herself. She felt fat, despite the fact she was way too early to be showing yet, her hormones were going crazy and it was making everything so much harder.

They still hadn't told anyone yet, and she had been successful in hiding it from Rocco. Anytime she felt sick she excused herself and blamed the nerves as she ran to the bathroom and Rocco seemed to buy it. It was Thursday now, the day before she would legally marry Murphy and two days before the official wedding of the three of them. She had to leave with a dress today and she hoped to fuck she would find one that made her feel pretty. Rocco had been honest with her if there was one he didn't like, he let her know, but for the most part, he had said they all looked beautiful on her, and while it was sweet, it really didn't help her any with choosing a dress. She was starting to feel disheartened.

"Okay, try this one, I think this will be perfect for ye." The saleswoman smiled at her as she walked in the changing room with a dress on the hanger. It was a pretty dress, just like all the others, and Lila didn't hold much hope she would like it on her. It took a while getting her into it since the back was corset laced, she had to tell the woman she was pregnant so she didn't fucking squash the baby but she had been told to keep it to herself. Once it was on, the woman turned Lila around to face the mirror and her jaw went slack in shock. She felt fucking beautiful and she teared up as she stared at herself.

"I told ye that ye'd like it." The sales lady smiled, handing her a tissue. She dabbed her eyes as she just looked at herself, she just knew this was the one. It was a beautiful lace ball gown with off the shoulder small sleeves. She wouldn't have ever picked this out for herself but it was perfect.

She headed out to where Rocco was and when he saw her, his eyes widened as he sat up straighter. She stood on the little pedestal, licking her lower lip nervously as she looked at him, hoping he would approve.

"Lila...Fuck...Wow...You look...fuckin' hell, you look amazing!" He grinned, making her beam a smile at him.

"I think this is the one!" She said excitedly, making him smile. He was glad, they had been here for hours and as much as he hadn't told her, he fucking hated shopping full stop, and wedding shopping was not his thing.

"They're gonna fuckin' love it. Hell, you could walk down the aisle in a trash bag and they'd love it." He snorted, making her blush and look down bashfully. The dress was a little more pricey than she would have liked but she didn't have to worry. Before she left, Noah had given her an envelope full of cash, she had flat out refused to take it but he had threatened to come with her and pick out a dress and make her wear it and as much as she loved the man, she had no doubt his taste in wedding dresses was not something she would want to wear. So she relented, and honestly, she was grateful because there was no way in hell she could have afforded the dress without it.

The dress was the last thing she needed since Annabel had arranged everything else. They would be getting married in St Josephs church, the little church the boys had gone to since children. The priest had known them growing up so even though it wasn't really conventional, he was more than happy to go along with it. It seemed that anyone who knew the boys just seemed to get the relationship the three of them had, almost like it had been expected all along. They would have a little reception at The Anvil afterwards for the family and friends and Lila expected it to be a good old knees up, although she couldn't drink, she wasn't sure how she would get around that if people offered her drinks. Murphy had told her he was more than happy to sneakily drink them for her, she had no doubt he was. She was really excited though, to be finally marrying them. After everything that happened, she wasn't really sure if this day would ever come and now it was just two days away.

The next day Lila was in the bedroom pacing anxiously. They were about to go to the courthouse in town for her and Murphy to get legally married but she still felt so weird about it. She hated the fact she couldn't just marry them both, the law was fucking stupid in her opinion. They weren't supposed to be making a fuss over this though to be fair to Connor, the real wedding was the day after and this was just 'preparation' according to the lighter twin. But it was a big deal, because very soon she would be legally married and she was starting to freak out that it wasn't such a good idea, that Connor might regret it one day or think she didn't love him enough, despite the fact it was his idea.

She was putting her hair up in a ponytail in front of the dresser when the bedroom door opened, she saw Connor walk in and shut the door behind in through the mirror. She turned to look at him and he smiled warmly at her.

"Ye nearly ready?" He asked as he walked over to her, settling his hands on her hips. She nodded with a smile, a rather fake one and Connor squinted a little at her.

"C'mon now, what's this? Yer not gettin' cold feet on us are ye?" He frowned down at her.

"Now, I just…" She started with a sigh, she felt so conflicted about the whole thing. Connor took her hand and lead her over to the large bed, sitting down with her.

"Talk te me sweetheart, what's wrong?" He asked softly, stroking her hand soothingly.

She licked her lower lip and swallowed thickly, she knew it would be best to talk to him anyway, she certainly couldn't talk to Murphy about this or he would take it personally and probably cry for like a month.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea. I know you keep saying this part isn't a big deal, but it is, I'll be legally married, to _Murphy_. It just feels like...like I'm playing favourites, and I don't like it." She admitted sheepishly, looking down at their joined hands. Connors spare hand went under her chin, tilting her face to up his so she would meet his eyes once more.

"Look, I'm not stupid, I know it's a big deal. But the weddin' is tomorrow aye? The way I see it is; Me and Murph, we're more like one person anyway most o' the time, so ye marry one o' us, ye marry the both o' us. I know yer not playin' favourites lass, this was my idea." He explained carefully.

"But what if you regret it Connor?" She lamented as she shook her head. Part of her wanted to get in bed and hide under the blankets for a while.

"I won't. Tomorrow we stand there in front o' all our family and friends and God and declare our love, get blessed by a priest. In our eyes, ye belong te the both o' us, ye'll be _our_ wife, not just Murph's, doesn't matter what the law says, God's law is higher than mans." He said firmly. The conviction in his voice made her blink at him for a moment, scanning his handsome face for any signs of doubt, but there wasn't any.

She breathed a sigh of relief, she could do this, it was a good plan after all, and if Connor really was okay with it, then there wasn't anything holding her back. The bedroom door opened again and Murphy walked in, despite the fact this wasn't supposed to be a big deal, he was fidgety and excited and it was honestly adorable.

"We need te go before we miss our slot." He said, trying to keep himself neutral and failing miserably. Connor shot her a wry smirk and she bit her lip so she didn't laugh. She stood up and Murphy walked over with the biggest smile she had ever seen on him. She couldn't even help but smile up at him as he cupped her cheeks and leant down, kissing her lips sweetly.

It didn't take too long at all, true to their words, they went and signed the papers with Rocco and Connor as the witnesses, she was now legally a MacManus, but there was no big deal made since the wedding was the day after. They signed them and came straight home. She was packing her things to stay with the boys' mother for the night, since Connor was all about tradition and they weren't to spent the night together. Murphy hadn't been too happy about it but Connor was firm. Her dress was already there since she didn't want them to see it, so she just had to pack her makeup and any bits she might need. Her mother and Aileen would be getting there tonight too and staying with her. She walked into the living room with her duffel bag where the boys were waiting. She had already said goodbye to Rocco, it was only one night, it wasn't like she was leaving forever, but Murphy's face looked like he was never going to see her again. They were sat on the couch and when she walked in, they stood, and she noticed a small box in Murphy's hand as they walked over.

"What's that?" She asked with a smile, making Connor grin but Murphy looked nervous.

"Well, ye need somethin' old, somethin; new, somethin' borrowed and somethin' blue." Connor started, making her snort, she had no idea he was this much of a sucker for tradition.

"We figured, the baby was somethin' new." Murphy smirked a little, toying with the box in his hands and she huffed a laugh, they weren't exactly wrong.

"Ma will sort ye somethin' borrowed out and we know she made the bouquet blue, so that just leaves somethin; old." Connor smiled, glancing to Murphy and nudging him with his elbow when the darker boy didn't hand over the box. Murphy scowled at his brother before looking back at her, licking his lower lip as he handed it to her. She looked from one boy to another before taking it, opening it. She blinked down at the beautiful necklace inside, it was an ornate silver cross.

"It used te be our grandma's, Ma's kept it but never wore it. We'd really like for ye te have it." Murphy said softly, his face full of emotion. She could just see how much this necklace meant to the pair from their faces and she felt overwhelmed. Her hormones got the better of her, it was happening more and more, and her bottom lip quivered as tears stung her eyes.

"Oh fuck, she hates it! I knew this would be a bad idea." Murphy lamented as he looked to Connor with wide eyes.

"I don't hate it! It's beautiful, thank you." She insisted, wiping her eyes. Murphy looked back to her then and she saw the relief flood through him. Connor just shot him a smug look as he took the necklace from the box, he walked behind her, putting the necklace on her and fastening it and Murphy watched her with a smile. Her hand came up to the necklace reflexively and toyed with it, it was beautiful and she knew this gesture carried a lot of weight behind it.

"Now I really don't wanna go." She huffed, Connor snorted at her and shook his head and Murphy's eyes brightened.

"Then don't! Just stay here!" Murphy pleaded, giving her his best puppy eyes.

"Fuckin' stop it, ye little shit! It's tradition, yer not te stay here tonight, ye'll see us soon enough when ye walk down the aisle." Connor stated firmly, squinting at Murphy when he glowered at him.

"Alright, I need to go or I won't leave." Lila snorted, she could feel herself getting emotional already, hormones were a bitch. Murphy pulled her to him, kissing her deeply and stealing her breath away.

"I'll see ye tomorrow Mrs MacManus." He smirked at her, making her blush slightly and smile. His hands went to her still flat tummy and caressed it softly.

"And I'll see tomorrow too me wee lass, be good for yer Ma." He grinned, making her heart seize up as she blinked at him.

"You think its a girl?" She asked curiously.

"I know its a girl." He stated proudly, it was sweet.

"Fuck off, it's a boy." Connor protested with a scowl, Lila snorted a little, of course they wouldn't agree on this.

"It's a girl, so shut yer fuckin' face before I knock yer pan in." Murphy huffed. Connor smacked him across the head and Lila stepped out of the way as they started smacking each other.

"Hey! Can I kiss Connor goodbye or not?" She scolded, making the boys stop and look at her contrite, she had to contain her laughter.

"Sorry Lila." They muttered in unison. Connor smiled at her as he cupped her cheeks, kissing her sweetly.

"We'll see ye both tomorrow aye?" He smiled warmly, making her nod. With that, she was off to their Ma's house. She was excited to see Aileen and her mother, but the nerves were starting now. It was ironic really since she was technically married already now, but the thought of the wedding, in front of all those people, she was getting nervous. No one knew she was pregnant yet and she felt like people would somehow know just by looking at her. She knew they'd have to tell people soon but she wanted to wait until her first scan, just to check everything was fine. Once she could see the baby, she knew she'd feel tonnes better.


	18. Chapter 18

**I've been informed that I write my dialogue wrong, so I apologise if anyone has been offended by my writing. **

**I do want to say that I'm not a professional. I do this in my rare spare time for fun. I'm a single mother to a nearly 5-year-old who I home school as well as doing a uni degree. I dedicate all my spare time to writing because I love it and yes I'm not perfect. I use Google Docs and the spell checker which does grammar too, but it's not very good and then I also use Grammarly, which has also failed to show me I'm writing it wrong. I write my chapters and edit it multiple times trying to get it perfect for you guys.**

**I've had to go back to these chapters to edit them correctly, and I'm sorry for not doing it right.**

"Oh my God, I can't do this," Lila whined. She was sat in front of the mirror as her mother did her hair in a fancy half updo with flowers in it.

"Don't tell me ye havin' second thoughts?" Annabel said with a frown, sat on the bed with Aileen.

"I'm not...but what if I trip walking down the aisle? And everyone sees me and laughs at me and then the day will be ruined!" she lamented nervously, she heard her mother snort behind her and she squinted at her through the mirror.

"If ye fall, I'll do somethin' worse and take the focus off ye," Annabel cackled, making Lila huff a laugh, she had no doubt she was capable of causing a scene and as ridiculous as it sounded, the idea gave her a little relief.

"There ye go, all done," Lilas mother smiled. Lila stood up, turning to face the women now she was fully ready and the three older women grinned widely at her.

"Ye look beautiful," Aileen smiled, looking a little emotional.

"Aye, me boys are lucky te have ye," Annabel agreed. Her mother stepped in front of her, teary-eyed with a smile.

"Me little girls all grown up," she said as she covered her mouth, a soft sob escaping her lips.

"Ma! Don't cry or I'll cry and then I'll ruin my make up!" Lila whined, her own eyes misting up. Her mother hugged her tightly before moving away with a smile. She would be walking her down the aisle since her father wasn't here to see the day, she tried not to think about that though or else she _would_ ruin her makeup.

"Alright, its time," Annable smirked at her, the woman seemed to take great amusement in Lilas' nerves but Lila couldn't say she was surprised. She nodded, inhaling a shaky breath as Aileen handed her the bouquet of forget me nots, that was her something blue. The something borrowed was a fancy hairpin that had been her mothers when she got married. She hadn't thought about them all asking what the something new was since they knew the necklace around her neck was the something old, and since the something new was the baby no one knew about, she had to make up something on the spot about her earrings. The four of them made their way downstairs where the cars were waiting for them, Aileen and Annabel were going in one ahead of them whilst Lila was in the other with her mother to make her grand entrance into the church.

When they got there she sat in the back of the car with her mother whilst she watched the two other women walk in, the nerves were raging through her and she started feeling nauseous, luckily she was able to push it aside and not vomit all over her beautiful dress.

"So, spill it little missy, those earrings aren't new, I bought them for ye years ago," her mother said sternly from beside of her. She looked at her wide-eyed, a caught-out look her mother knew too well and Mary just quirked a brow at her.

"I can't...I can't tell you, not yet," she mumbled as she blinked at her.

"Lila, are ye pregnant?" her mother gasped, clasping a hand over her mouth as more tears welled in her eyes.

"Shhh!" Lila hushed loudly, looking around like people would pop up in the car and hear her.

"Oh my god! I'm gonna have a grandbaby! How far along are ye? Do ye know what yer havin' yet?" it was clear her mother was excited and it sent a range of emotions through her.

"I don't know yet Ma, okay? We found out not long ago, I don't have my first scan until next week. No one knows, we didn't want people to know so soon, so please don't say anything!" she pleaded. Her mother wiped her eyes and nodded, she wouldn't ruin this for her, it was clear she really wanted this kept secret for now, and she understood that, sometimes it was nice just to wait before you made the big announcement.

After another few moments of Mary wiping her eyes and trying to gather herself whilst Lila steeled her nerves, they got out of the car. They walked in, the door right in front of them. All she had to do was walk in. She heard the wedding march being played but she made no move to go to the doors, her heart thumping in her chest as her mother linked her arm.

"Come on Lila, they're waitin'," she urged softly, looking to her daughter worriedly.

"I can't, my feet won't move. Oh God, I'm gonna throw up," she covered her mouth as she waited for the wave of nausea to pass. The wedding march stopped and she was unaware of the guests waiting curiously on the other side of the doors, wondering why she hadn't walked in, or the boys stood at the alter glancing to each other mortified like they were scared she'd made a run for it. She took another deep breath as she heard the wedding march again, the person playing the organ seemingly trying to coax her out again.

"Ye can do this sweetheart, deep breaths and walk slow, I've got ye," her mother soothed. She looked to her mother getting tearful, just having her there was enough to make her heart ache.

"I love you Ma," she smiled, causing the woman to grin at her.

"I love ye too, now come on before the boys keel over," she snorted. Lilas' eyes widened and she blanched as if she only just realised the boys were in there waiting for her and she felt bad for making them wait. Her feet finally moved as they walked over to the doors, the ushers opened them for her. Her heart stilled when all eyes turned to her and she tensed a little, but her mother gave her arm a reassuring squeeze as she slowly walked down the aisle with her. Her eyes settled on the boys stood looking handsome in suits. They beamed smiles at her and she blushed as she glanced down, feeling so bashful in front of everyone like this in a princess dress.

When they got to the altar, her mother kissed her cheek before sitting with Annabel and Lila stood between each boy, they were still staring at her and it was making her self conscious.

"Ye look…" Murphy started, his voice wavering as he glanced to him, he was tearing up, what was it with everyone crying around here? Did they want her to fuck up her make up?

"Murph," she whispered softly, her bottom lip quivering as he quickly wiped his eyes and snorted at himself, of course he'd be the one to cry today. She glanced at Connor then and she hadn't ever seen him smile that wide before, it made her knees weak.

"I think what he's tryin' te say is ye look divine Lila," he grinned at her, making her blush bright red.

The ceremony was simple and pretty much the same as a normal wedding, just with an extra person. They exchanged rings which Rocco had passed them, exchanged their vows in front of everyone there, Murphy burst into tears in the middle of his vows much to his horror, and that set Lila off, her mother had to hand her a tissue so she could dab her eyes whilst Connor moved around to Murphy's side to console the poor boy as he sobbed his way through his vows.

"Ye may kiss the bride," the priest started, making Lila look to both boys warily, how the fuck would this work? Murphy just smirked at her, now composed and not a mess and he grabbed her shoulders, spinning her to face his brother.

"Connor gets first kiss since we signed the papers m'girl," he whispered softly in her ear. She smiled to herself, loving how they always took care of each other. She also noticed how he referred to it as signing the papers and not legally married, she wondered if it was so it didn't sound as serious as it ultimately was.

She blinked up at Connor, almost like everyone else watching in the church had melted off the face of the earth as he stepped closer. She couldn't help the lovesick smile on her face, one which he gladly returned as he leant down and captured her lips with his own. He kept it pretty tame, they were in the house of the Lord after all, and when he moved away, an impatient Murphy spun her around to face him. He grinned delightedly at her as he kissed her deeply, a little less tame than Connors but tamer than his usual kisses that almost left her in a heap on the floor.

When he moved away everyone erupted in cheers and she blushed wildly remembering that everyone had just seen her kiss them both. They each took a hand in theirs as they walked back down the aisle and out of the church to the car waiting to take them to The Anvil. They wouldn't be having a honeymoon, Lila didn't think they needed one anyway, they lived somewhere amazing and they'd be with each other, that was all she needed.

"I can't believe we're married," she smiled to herself as the car started, the boys grinned from ear to ear beside her.

"I can't believe Murphy cried like a wee babe in front o' everyone," Connor snorted, earning a glare of his twin, he would have clouted him but Lila was between them, he'd have to wait until they got out.

True to his thoughts, as soon as they got out, he pounced on his brother, getting him in a headlock as they both laughed and wrestled and Lila watched on from a safe distance, it was nice to see them so happy and carefree, she couldn't help but grin like a fool. After a few minutes of playfully scrapping, they separated, shoving each other good-naturedly as they walked over to her once again.

"Roc wasn't jokin' when he said ye looked drop dead gorgeous in the dress m'girl," Murphy smiled sweetly at her, making her blush a little.

"Aye, ye put all the princesses te shame," Connor grinned.

"Thank you, I almost threw up before I walked in though," she huffed as they made their way inside, seeing some food laid out for the guests to eat. It was nothing fancy and that's why she liked it.

"Is that why ye took so long? We thought ye fuckin' made a run for it," Murphy said softly, she looked at him guiltily and nodded.

"I'm sorry, I had a moment, all those people, it freaked me out I guess," she admitted with a shrug.

"Well, at least it wasn't second thoughts about us," Connor snorted, elbowing his brother and making him laugh lightly.

A few hours later and the pub was packed full of people, Murphy was drunk, really fucking drunk, because just as he said, every time someone bought Lila a drink, he gladly slurped it up. Her mother had been worried at first thinking she was drinking them until she dragged her away and reassured her, Mary soon saw exactly what Lila was talking about as Murphy was singing and dancing, completely off his face and it was hilarious. The twins had discarded their ties somewhere along the way along with their blazers, their shirts undone a little and dishevelled.

"Aw c'mon ye lightweight! Can't ye handle yer beer?" Connor teased as Murphy stood outside, keeled over as he threw up everywhere. He knew Murphy wouldn't retaliate since no one knew about the baby and if Murphy argued his point about the fact he was drinking for two people, someone might hear them.

"Hush Connor!" Lila chided as she rubbed the darker haired boys back with a frown, she felt bad.

"What? It's his own fault," Connor smirked, earning a smack around the head from her. Murphy snorted a little, swaying on his feet as he tried to stop the world from tilting around on him.

"You could have drank some too, you didn't need to let him drink them all," she scolded, a motherly look all over her face already as she glanced worriedly to Murphy.

"Hey now, he's a grown boy, he makes his own decisions," Connor huffed. He too was drunk, but nowhere like his brother. Murphy was worse than that night when he got drunk at McGinty's.

"What should we do? Do we go home?" she asked softly, rubbing Muprhys back softly, he smiled lazily enjoying the attention as he swayed on his feet, causing his brother to roll his eyes

"Like fuck we do! We go back inside and the fucker can pass out in the pisser or somethin'," Connor protested, earning a glare from her as Murphy glowered at him.

"Hey now...ye fuckin'...gobshite," he slurred, pointing at him but his finger was all over the place and definitely not actually pointing at his twin.

"We're not leaving him to pass out in a toilet Connor, it's our wedding night!" Lila huffed with a glare.

"Look at ye, already naggin' like a wife!" Connor laughed loudly, Murphy burst into a fit of the giggles but the movement caused him to stumble sideways, he looked like he was doing a jig for a moment before he fell right over and even Lila couldn't contain her laughter at the sight. Connor was full on belly laughing, holding the brick wall of the pub for support so he didn't follow suit as Murphy just muttered unintelligibly on the floor.

Lila went over and tried to help him up but it was futile, and when Connor calmed himself down enough, he went over and yanked him up by the arm and lead him back inside. Lila made sure to get some food in him and some coffee which helped, barely, but still just a little so he wasn't throwing up anywhere, but now it was Connor's turn to drink the alcohol offered the girl, since everyone kept trying to ply her with drinks, even more so with how she appeared to magically hold her alcohol better than anyone in the place. By the early hours of the morning, Lila was exhausted and the boys were piss drunk but they'd had a good time and she wouldn't change any of it for the world. She was now Lila MacManus, wife to Connor and Murphy and mother to their child, if things continued to be this good then everything bad that ever happened to her could be just a distant memory and she could focus on the promising future she had with these two amazing souls.


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm basing Lilas pregnancy symptoms off my own from when I had my daughter, hormones really are a bitch lololol.**

"How could you do this to me, Murphy?" Lila asked looking heartbroken, tears streaming down her face. Murphy looked at her horrified as he shook his head.

"I didn't mean te Lila, I swear," he frowned.

"It wasn't an accident! You thought about it before you did it!" she snapped, wiping her eyes angrily.

"M'girl please, I didn't mean te, one thing lead te another and it just happened," he pleaded, stepping closer to her, he looked at her sadly when she took a step back.

"You ate my cake," she lamented, her lip quivering as she burst into tears again.

"Oh love, I'm sorry, I'll buy ye another one alright? A big one! I'll buy ye another fuckin' weddin' cake if it'll make ye stop cryin'," he declared, making her wipe her eyes again and look at him.

"A chocolate one?" she asked softly, making his lips quirk in a smile. He knew she was sad and hormonal, but she was adorable.

"Aye, a chocolate one," he smiled, it widened when she smiled at him and he wrapped her in his arms. It had been a few days since they tied the knot and Lilas emotions were getting worse, she supposed it was a good sign that her hormones were so crazy, her body was doing its job.

"You better not eat it this time," she muttered into his chest as he soothingly stroked her hair.

"I won't m'girl. I promise," he said softly, inhaling her scent as he held her. Her mood swings were insane and he and Connor were struggling to keep up and help her, she seemed to cry more than Murphy these days and that was a feat in itself, but they loved her and they were trying to be as accommodating as they could.

A couple of days later she walked into the kitchen to see the boys making breakfast, just in their sleep pants as they bickered playfully and shoved each other. She knew the breakfast would be burnt and not very pleasant, they weren't the best cooks and they fucked with each other so much that the food always ended up inedible, but she still smiled as she watched them from the doorway. She was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of love she had for them, it made her heart feel like it would explode. With the wave of emotion, a sob escaped her lips and she covered her mouth to try to stifle the noise. Both boys whipped around, looking at her horrified as she stood there crying.

"What's wrong?" Conor asked worried, rushing over to her as Murphy stayed glued to where he was stood. He was expecting some bad news or something with her crying like this.

"I just love you both so much," she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. The boys glanced to each other before back at her, relief flooding them that it wasn't something bad. Murphy walked over and the boys sandwiched her in a hug, letting her melt into them and soothe her. They held her like that until she stopped crying and she sat at the table as they went back to making breakfast, both casting wary glances her way every so often like they expected her to burst into tears again.

Later that day she was sitting on the couch, Connors arm wrapped around her as Murphy was laying with his head on her lap. She was stroking his hair and he was practically purring. The door knocked and he jumped up, he was starving and he was looking forward to a nice greasy pizza. He paid for the food and came back with the boxes. Rocco had declined eating with them, he was out with some girl he had met, she seemed nice and they were all happy for him, maybe one day he would start a family of his own. Murphy sat next to Lila as he put the boxes on the coffee table. She grabbed hers and opened it.

"Where's the pepperoni?" she asked her voice wavering and the boys glanced to her warily, they knew she was on the verge of tears.

"Ye normally have just a plain one lass, so that's what we got ye," Connor said carefully.

"But I wanted pepperoni, I've been craving it," she muttered, tears pricking her eyes at the disappointment swelling inside of her.

The boys glanced to each other, they were trying to avoid her little breakdowns as much as they could, but they couldn't seem to keep on top of it.

"We didn't know love, ye didn't tell us. Here, ye can have mine," Murphy smiled, handing her the box. She looked at it and then him and burst into tears.

"Oh Christ, Connor do somethin'," Murphy pleaded as he looked to his twin with wide eyes. Connor wrapped his arms around her and she melted into him as she sobbed.

"C'mon now sweetheart, why ye cryin'? Murphy's give ye his pizza, there's no need te cry," Connor soothed as he stroked her back. Murphy watched her feeling himself getting emotional just at the sight of her crying. Ever since their calling, they hadn't been able to feel each other like they used to, the bond didn't seem to be there anymore and none of them liked it. But Murphy was still sensitive and seeing her upset made him upset.

"It was a nice thing for him to do," she sobbed helplessly, overwhelmed by Murphy giving her his pizza.

"She's cryin' 'cause she's happy?" Murphy muttered quietly like she wouldn't hear him when she was right there.

"I don't fuckin' know Murph," Connor sighed, holding her tightly. A few minutes later she managed to calm herself down and gratefully stuffed her face with her pizza that Murphy had given her. Murphy wasn't too pleased with eating a plain pizza but he'd eat shit if it would make her happy.

The next day she was at work, she was only working part-time and she had reduced her shifts due to morning sickness, she just told Annabel she didn't need the money so she didn't need to work as much. Her shift ended and she scanned the place for the boys, she couldn't see them so she walked outside, seeing Murphy smoking. He smiled at her when he saw her and stubbed out his smoke, they had stopped smoking around her now since she was growing a little human in her belly. Murphy closed the gap, kissing her deeply, he always missed her when she worked despite the fact he was there with her. When he pulled away she looked at him dreamily and he smirked, loving the effect he had on her.

"Where's Connor?" she asked, looking around like he would just appear.

"Just takin' a piss," Murphy snorted. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his middle, leaning up and nipping his lips, it sent a jolt of pleasure straight to his dick.

He leaned down and kissed her bruisingly, unable to help himself. He was suddenly pushed against the wall as she kissed him back feverishly, her hands gliding down his stomach as she started to undo his pants. He broke the kiss, grabbing her hands and stilling them as he looked down at her shocked.

"We can't here, someone will see," Murphy said softly, gasping when she slid her hand into his jeans and palmed his cock.

"Then take me home," she whispered, squeezing his cock through his boxers.

"What about Connor?" he bit out, his eyes closing as she rubbed him, making him tingle all over.

"He's only in there, reach out and tell him to come home," she demanded, her voice firm. She nipped and sucked his neck and he let out a needy moan, arching into her hand.

"Fuckin' hell," he whined, trying to reach out to his twin and let him know to hurry the fuck up. He could hardly concentrate and he wasn't sure he'd reached him.

She slipped her hand into his boxers and gripped him, making him hiss and tilt his head back against the wall, the pleasure consuming him. The door opened and he jumped but Lila didn't stop what she was doing, he was relieved to see a flustered looking Connor. He looked at them, glancing down to her hand in Murphy pants and his eyes darkened.

"Home, now," he commanded, making Lila bite her lip and glance at him. She squeezed Murphy's cock one more time and leant up, nipping his lips. He chased them for a kiss but she just smirked at him as she removed her hand and moved away, he felt desperate for her now and he fought the urge to throw her against the wall and fuck her senseless.

The walk home was thick with sexual tension, none of them speaking. Luckily they only lived around the corner from the pub. As soon as they stepped foot through the door, Murphy grabbed her, pushing her against it as he tore at her clothes, kissing her hard, all tongues and teeth. She happily melted into him, moaning into the kiss as he ravaged her mouth.

"At least get te the bedroom so Rocco doesn't walk in," she vaguely heard Connor say in the background, her head was too fuzzy to think straight. Connor yanked Murphy away, causing him to scowl at him, but he knew he was right. She looked at Connor then, glancing down to see the bulge in his pants and a tingle ran down her spine. Connor grabbed her hand and led her to the bedroom, Murphy following eagerly behind them.

It didn't take long for their clothes to be gone and she was on all fours, Connor in front of her lay against the pillows. Murphy was behind her, stroking her heart shaped ass as he bit his lip, he really fucking loved her ass. It was so natural now for the three of them to be together, it just flowed and they went with it, whatever felt right. She leaned down as she engulfed Connors hard cock into her mouth, making him moan softly and stroke her hair. Murphy couldn't wait any longer and he thrust into her, making her gasp around Connor. Murphy moaned loudly as he started to thrust, not being too hard because he didn't want to hurt the baby, he had no clue how it all worked. He gripped her hips tightly and he fucked her and the movement caused her to keep taking Connor all the way in. The three of them were panting and moaning, in smooth synchronisation. Murphy leaned over her, kissing the nape of her neck and nipping it, he felt her flutter around him when he did that.

"Beautiful girl," he purred against her skin as he moaned, feeling his release coming on. She hummed around Connor and the vibrations set him off.

"Fuckin' Christ!" he gasped, his hips bucking up into her mouth, he hit the back of her throat and a slew of curse words left his lips as his body jerked, spilling himself inside of her mouth. She moved away a little and swallowed it, locking eyes with him as he watched her pleased, he loved it when she did that. He continued to stroke her hair as Murphy got a little faster. The pleasure was overwhelming her, it seemed heightened with the pregnancy somehow.

"Gonna cum m'girl." Murphy whined softly, unable to hold out any longer, feeling her wet tight walls around him, he could never get enough of her. Connor looked at Murphy for a minute, a sly smirk spreading across his face, he knew his brother needed his help moving her along. He tugged her hair a little and she moaned loudly, her eyes squeezing shut.

"C'mon sweetheart, be a good girl and cum for us." Connor demanded, still watching her with rapt attention, watching her come undone was the best thing he had ever seen. Murphy was panting and moaning like a bitch in heat as he drove her into oblivion and a loud keening moan left her lips as she exploded, seeing stars as her orgasm hit her like a freight train. Murphy gasped loudly, feeling her squeezing his cock and his hips bucked wildly as his own release washed over him, coming hard with a moan and shooting his load inside of her. They were sweaty and panting as he pulled out, collapsing on his side of the bed. Lila couldn't move, she let Connor put her in the middle of them and fell right asleep, satisfied and happy.

When she woke the next morning she glanced to each side of her. Connor was gone, she wasn't surprised, he was the early riser, more often than not he went out in the mornings to help Noah with the sheep. She was horny again, it was relentless and she squirmed a little as she rolled to face Murphy. He was sound asleep on his back and she smiled as she watched him, he was an angel. She leant next to his ear, nuzzling it softly.

"Murphy," she purred, taking his lobe into her mouth and nibbling it. He squirmed a little in his sleep and hummed softly. They were both still naked from the night before and she palmed his cock, feeling it harden under her touch,

"Muuuurphy," she whispered again right in his ear. He moaned a little and arched into her hand as she grasped his now hard cock.

"Fuckin' hell, can't I wake up every mornin' like this?" he asked tiredly as his eyes fluttered open. He glanced at her and she smirked devilishly at him. The look made his dick twitch and he couldn't take his eyes off her. She moved her hand and pushed the blankets off them both, climbing on him to straddle him. His hands went straight to her hips as he looked up at her like he was mesmerized. She bit her lip as she rubbed her slick pussy against his cock, she was soaked and he groaned, the grip on her hips tightening for a moment. One hand slid up to her stomach and he felt a primal rush of satisfaction run through him. If he was honest there was something sexy about her being pregnant, knowing they had put a baby in her belly, claimed her like that. His hand continued its way up and grasped her breast, palming it softly and she moaned, they felt so sensitive now.

She leant up a little, grasping his cock before sinking down onto it with a gasp. Murphy let out an embarrassingly needy moan, he always felt at home when he was inside of her like this. He watched her as she started to roll her hips, the pair moaning as she took her time, a teasing pace. It was killing him but he was loving it at the same time.

"Lila please," he pleaded shamelessly, bucking up into her, needing more. She smirked as she leaned down, crashing her lips to his and kissing him desperately, he willingly gave in, kissing her back as he once again grabbed her hips and fucked up into her. She moaned against his lips, letting him take control as he rut up into her, her whole body jarring with each thrust. He was panting, watching her beautiful face contorted in pleasure he nipped her lower lip, tugging on it a little with his teeth.

She moaned, squirming on his cock and he growled, rolling them over. She gasped as she was suddenly on her back and he was knelt on his knees, still inside of her. He pulled her closer, her legs either side on him as he grabbed her hips and started to fuck her mercilessly, moans and grunts leaving his lips as he claimed his girl. She moaned wantonly, her back arched and jutting her swollen breasts out as she let him inflict the delicious pleasure onto her. His hand slid between her legs, rubbing the bundle of nerves there and she cried out, her body almost spasming as she was suddenly hit by an intense orgasm. Murphy smirked, watching her with fascination as she came undone for him, clamping down around his cock. He moaned as his own orgasm hit him, making him rut into her faster, his thrusts erratic as he came hard inside of her.

He leant down panting, his face in the crook of her neck as they both enjoyed their high and came back to earth.

"Greedy girl," he smirked against the skin on her neck, kissing it softly.

"I can't help it," she whined, her hand going into his hair and stroking it, he hummed and nuzzled her neck.

"I'm not complainin'," he grinned, closing his eyes and just soaking her in. These kind of mood swings were the best and he could definitely deal with these.


	20. Chapter 20

**One more chapter after this guys. There will be a third instalment around the second film, but I'll be taking a break from this storyline for a bit. I have a few Daryl fics I need to work on so I can complete them and get them to you guys, and they're taking priority after the next chapter of this. I really burnt myself out with this one since I started posting way before I completed it. Playing catch up so you guys don't wait forever has drained me and I need to switch to some Daryl for a bit.**

Lila and the boys sat in the waiting room in the hospital waiting for the scan. They were all anxious, Connor was trying to keep his cool, Murphy was fidgeting relentlessly, and Lila was silent as they waited. She felt like this was it, this was when she would find out if the baby was okay or not, there was so much riding on this. It was a little scary how much weight this moment held for them all and part of her wanted to bolt out of the door just so she didn't have to hear any bad news.

"Lila MacManus!" the woman called, causing Lilas eyes to snap to her as she felt the nerves reaching an all-time high. She swallowed thickly as she stood, the boys in tow as she went into the room.

She lay on the bed as the doctor squirted the cold jelly onto her stomach, both boys sat to her left as the doctor was to her right with the scan machine. The screen was turned away and Lila mused if that was on the off chance something was wrong with the baby, the parents wouldn't be able to see. She felt sick with how nervous she was and neither boy spoke, their usual chatty demeanour growing to an anxious silent one as they waited, watching as the doctor pushed the wand onto Lilas' belly and began moving it around, looking at the screen intently.

"Alright, everythin's lookin' pretty good. Both babies look healthy, you're around 10 weeks," the doctor smiled, pushing the screen to face them. None of them looked at it though, staring at the woman with their jaws slack.

"I'm sorry, could ye repeat that? It sounded an awful lot like ye said _babies_...as in more than one," Connor said carefully.

"You're having twins, congratulations!" the doctor smiled. Lilas' eyes widened as she glanced to the screen, sure enough seeing too little babies instead of just one. Twins, fucking twins, not just one baby but two, heaven help her. Every story the boys Ma told her swirled through her head, she'd be grey in a number of years.

Murphy let out a boyish laugh of delight, so pleased with the news as he looked to his brother, a grin spreading on Connors' face. It had been a shock, but one they would gladly welcome.

"I'll let ye have a moment and I'll print a few pictures off for ye," the doctor said before she got up and left the room. Lila was still in shock, staring at her two healthy babies on the screen. They were okay, they were healthy, it was more than she could have asked for and she burst into tears yet again.

"What's wrong m'girl?" Murphy asked softly, taking her hand and holding it gently.

"Just relieved," she smiled, wiping her eyes with her spare hand as she looked at the boys, they looked so happy it felt like her heart might just explode.

"Fuckin' twins, can ye believe that?" Murphy laughed again, beaming with radiance.

"Aye, I mean we probably should have considered the possibility, but I didn't really think about it," Connor grinned, reaching out and rubbing Lilas leg affectionately.

"Oh, Ma's gonna have a fuckin' field day wit' this one," Murphy snorted. The mood between the three was lighter now, knowing that the baby was okay, or babies rather.

"Can we tell people yet love? Please?" Murphy pleaded as he looked at Lila, giving her his sad eyes and pouty lip. He was so excited it was honestly adorable, and now she had seen for herself that the babies were okay, she was excited herself, allowing her to start getting attached to the tiny humans inside of her belly.

"Yeah," she beamed, making him cheer enthusiastically.

"Who are we tellin' first?" Connor asked curiously, glancing from his brother to his girl.

"Could we tell Rocco first?" she asked carefully. She knew it wasn't exactly proper as such, they probably expected to tell their mother first or at least their father, but Rocco was family to her just like he was to the boys and they knew this, this understood why he would be the one she wanted to share the news with first.

"Sounds good te me. Then Ma I think, she could use some good news," Connor agreed, Murphy nodded, also up for the plan. Noah would be the last of their close group to know, but in fairness, he hadn't been in the boy's life for long, it seemed natural to do it this way.

Lila sat at the dining table as she waited for Connor to grab Rocco from his part of the house. Murphy wasn't to be trusted, he had been a fidgety ball of excited energy ever since he found out they were having twins and Lila and Connor both knew if he went to get Rocco, the news would have been told before he had brought him here. The darker haired boy was pacing, chewing his thumb so much Lila thought it might disappear as she just tracked his movements with her eyes.

"Murphy! Sit the fuck down!" she huffed, he was making her nervous. He glanced at her, looking like a scolded child as he sat next to her right side. He sat still for less than a second before his fingers started drumming on the table. Lila slowly turned to him, eyes narrowing to slits.

"Murphy, I swear to God-" she started, just when Connor and Rocco bounded into the room.

"Alright, he's here!" Connor grinned, making Murphy jump up with excitement and hug him. Rocco just stood there looking confused.

"The fucks goin' on?" he asked, glancing between the three of them.

It had been agreed that Lila would tell him, Murphy whined like a bitch for over an hour about it so Connor told him he could be the one to tell his Ma, Connor would tell Noah.

"We have something to tell you," Lila smiled, she was excited and nervous all rolled into one as she took out one of the many scan pictures they had printed and handed him one. Rocco's eyes widened as he took the picture, looking at it in awe and slightly emotional. It just looked like blobs to him but he knew it was a scan picture.

"You're having a baby?" he asked, a huge grin splitting his face as he looked up from the picture.

"Actually- Ow, the fuck Connor?!" Murphy whined, rubbing his head where his brother had promptly smacked him one for almost taking Lilas moment away from her. He scowled at his twin for a second before Connor gave him a pointed look and he realised.

"Sorry Lila," he sighed, looking contrite but she couldn't help but smile at his eagerness to tell the world, it was adorable.

"It's alright Murph, you can tell him," she smiled warmly, reaching out and taking his hand, kissing it affectionately. His face brightened so much it hurt her heart as she watched him and Connor smiled and shook his head.

"Tell me what?" Rocco asked warily, not really understanding what else there would be to tell.

"We're havin' twins!" Murphy declared dramatically, laughing when Roccos face turned from confused to complete shock.

"Twins? As in two?" Rocco asked with wide eyes that went from Lila to the boys.

"No Roc, three, o' course two ye fuckin' idiot," Connor snorted, making Murphy bark out a laugh. Even Lila had to bite her lip to stop from laughing at her best friends ridiculous question. Rocco didn't seem to comment on being called an idiot though, he just looked back to the scan picture as his eyes welled up and Lilas' heart ached.

"Fuck guys, why you gotta do this to me?" he whined with a sniffle, wiping his eyes. He all but shoved the boys out of the way to get to Lila, embracing her tightly as he continued to sniffle.

"I fuckin' love you guys, man. I better be the Godfather or I'm fuckin' shit up," he huffed, still hugging her. The boys watched on with wide grins as he moved away and then went to them. Connor grinned and Murphy laughed as they grabbed him, giving him a big hug. It felt good to finally tell people, to get it out in the world. Next on the agenda was the boys Ma.

Lila sat in the back of the car, her fingers nervously drumming on her legs as they sat outside of Annabel's house. Lila couldn't bring herself to get out and as much as the boys wanted to, they had sat there with her until she calmed down. Murphy was once again fidgety as he sat in the back with her, unable to contain his excitement. Lila was nervous though, telling Rocco was one thing, she knew he would be happy, he had been since he found out they were trying way before all this shit started. But their Ma, that was another thing. She knew the woman liked her, but still, she was scared shitless.

"C'mon love, it'll be fine," Murphy soothed beside her, taking her hand in his and stroking it softly. She glanced to him worriedly and then Connor who had turned in the front seat to look at her.

"But this... it's a big deal, we're having a baby..._babies_... it's serious," she muttered, looking spooked almost.

"Are ye sure yer scared o' tellin' Ma or ye just scared in general sweetheart?" Connor asked carefully, taking in her wide frightened eyes. When she looked at him he felt like he already knew the answer. In all honesty, he was scared too and he knew his brother was. Lila wasn't lying when she said this was a big deal, and despite the fact they were now married, that they had been trying for a while, it felt so much more real after seeing those precious little babies on that screen earlier in the day.

She didn't answer him, she didn't want to, she just inhaled a shaky breath as Murphy continued to stroke her hand to try and calm her. After a few more moments, he felt ready to crawl out of his skin.

"Please m'girl, won't feel much better sat out here, have te tell her sometime," he pleaded, once again the puppy eyes came out as she looked at him. He was right though, she couldn't hide out here in the car forever, they did need to tell her. She nodded, relenting as they all piled out of the car and made their way to the front door. Connor knocked before lacing his fingers with Lila, Murphy's arm around her waist as they waited for the door to open. Once it did they were greeted by their mother, looking at them warily.

"Oh God, what have ye done now? Aren't ye too old te be gettin' inte trouble?" she sighed as she looked from one boy to the other. Murphy squinted, looking offended as Connor snorted.

"I'm wounded Ma, we came te see ye outta the good grace o' our hearts and ye think we're up te no good?" Connor asked, holding a hand over his heart in mock hurt. Lila smirked to herself and shook her head as their mother narrowed her eyes distrustfully.

"Just get in ye little shits," she huffed, walking away and leaving the three stood there. Connor walked in first, knowing Lila was still nervous and Lila and Murphy followed in behind him.

"Da?" Connor asked shocked, seeing his father sat in the armchair. He hadn't really expected to see him there, last he checked his mother wanted to throttle him for walking out on them all. His Da just nodded with a smile in greeting at the three, Murphy looking just as shocked as his twin about him being there. They knew better not to say anything though, if their parents were getting on with each other, it wasn't exactly a bad thing. It also made it easier, killing two birds with one stone as it were. The trio sat on the couch as Annabel took the next armchair near Noah.

"So...We got ye somethin'!" Murphy grinned deviously and it did little to ease the fact their Ma thought they were up to something.

"Close yer eyes, and hold ye hands out, you too Da," Connor smirked, making both their parents glance to each other warily. They complied though, closing their eyes as instructed and holding out their hands. Murphy put a scan picture in his mother's hands whilst Connor put one in their fathers. Lila chewed her thumb nervous as she watched, a habit she had picked up from the darker twin, and she was grateful when Connor once again laced his fingers with hers and Murphy wrapped an arm around her, they both needed to feel her, touch her and feel support themselves if they were honest.

Annabel and Noah opened their eyes, landing them on the scan pictures. Noahs face lit up, a bright smile on the usually stoic man and Annabel looked almost in shock, actually speechless for a brief second.

"Twins?" she asked, her usually loud and brash voice a mere whisper as she looked at the boys. They nodded, huge grins plastered on their faces and the older woman gasped, her hand covering her heart. She carefully set the scan picture down on the coffee table before standing up, making her way over.

"Come on, give us a hug sweetheart," she smiled, teary eyes as she gestured to Lila. The boys looked utterly offended as their Ma got Lila to her feet and embraced her tightly.

"What the fuck is wit' everyone huggin' Lila first?" Connor asked with a huff.

"Aye, and our own Ma, what a disgrace." Murphy scoffed, but the twinkle of mischief in the boys' eyes showed no real issue there, they were just being their usual selves. Noah stood up then and the boys instinctively stood too.

"Me boys have turned inte men. Make sure ye take care o' her and the wee babes." Noah said sternly as he hugged boy boys at the same time.

"Aye Da." They replied in unison, smiles on their faces as they hugged back.

"Well, I think this calls for a celebration." Annabel declared after all the emotional hugging was over.

"Fuickin' hell Ma, ye think anythin' calls for a celebration." Murphy snorted, wincing when he got a clout around the ear. Connor smirked at him smugly and Murphy sneered at him.

"Nothin' wrong wit' celebratin' ye little shit. And this definitely calls for one." She beamed, looking so over the moon about the whole thing.

It went as good as they thought it would, they knew their parents would be happy for them. They were having twins, sure it was scary but they wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere than right where they were in that moment. With their girl and their family, telling them the best news in the fucking world. Their fathers promise bounced around their brains and they knew what he was getting at, since Noah himself had upped and left. They knew the man had his reasons and they had forgiven him for that, so had their Ma by all accounts since they were in the same room voluntarily and she wasn't trying to throttle him, and there was no chance in hell they would ever leave Lila and the babies. They made that mistake last time, and they wouldn't want to be away from them anyway. They were having a little family of their own, and it was odd for them to think of the lives they lead before the redhead came into them. No serious girls, no want for one, no thoughts of children. It wasn't that their thoughts on the matters had changed, it was all Lila. Meeting Lila, falling in love with her, that had been the moment they wanted those things because they wanted them with her, no one else. She was it for them, and they had known that subconsciously from the first time they had seen her soaked in McGintys. And now, here they were, married and expecting not one baby but two, getting everything they never even knew they wanted and more. They wouldn't change a fucking thing.


	21. Chapter 21

**Last one my lovelies. I'm sorry if this ending isn't good enough for you or this whole story has been a letdown, I'm not as happy with it as I was with Such a Softer Sin, but there we go. It's not over for these three yet, the third one will be on its way eventually when I've dealt with my other fics.**

**In the meantime, thanks for sticking with me.**

Lila fisted Murphy's hair, tugging harshly and making him groan into the kiss as he ravaged her mouth, exploring every inch with abandon, like it was the last time he would ever get the chance. She was straddling him on the couch, it was a little awkward since her pregnant belly was quite big now at just almost 9 months pregnant with twins. But they made it work, they always did. Some things between them had changed over the course of the pregnancy, one of them being their sex lives. Lila was a horny little thing most of the time but she was also fussy as shit. They didn't fuck her at the same time much anymore, she would instead seek each brother out individually for what they could offer her. Connor had always been more in control, slower, somewhat gentler, which was ironic since he was the harder hearted brother, but he was tender with her, more so now she was pregnant. Always muttering how beautiful she was as he fucked her, making her feel good about her growing body. Murphy, on the other hand, had always been a little more passionate and firey with her, and it only seemed to increase with their babies in her belly. When she needed a good hard fuck, one where she couldn't walk for a little after, Murphy would be the one she went to. The twin who would whisper deliciously naughty promises in her ear as he gave it to her good. They never got jealous if she saught the other one of them out, they knew her hormones were crazy right now and they each offered her something different. As long as she was happy, then so were they. If it wasn't broke, then don't fix it right?

Lila had become so self-conscious now, she felt like a whale, and the boys had done everything in their power to help her with it. To them, she was a vision, she was even more beautiful than she was before and they hadn't thought that possible, but it was. Things eased up a little after one of her sobbing fits when her pants wouldn't fasten, oh how she had cried. Murphy felt for her, he felt for her so much that before his brain even realised what he was doing, he had admitted that her being pregnant turned him on a little, that it was like some kind of primal urge inside was deeply satisfied with their babies in her belly. He had been mortified at admitting such a thing, and Lila had been shocked, but soon enough he was balls deep inside of her and had her screaming so it all worked out for the best he noticed.

Connor was in the kitchen working on the food, Murphy was supposed to be helping him but it appeared he'd become distracted by their girl and her hormones once again. Lila had been teaching them how to cook without burning the place down, and so far, they were doing alright much to everyone's surprise. He glanced over, smirking to himself as she moaned, grinding down on his brother as he nipped at her throat. He fucking loved to watch her when she was like this, like watching something utterly fascinating unfolding right before his eyes. She gasped and suddenly her eyes went wide, both her and Murphy glancing down between them. Connor raised a brow amused as he sipped his water, wondering why they were both shocked, surely they had expected the boy to have a boner.

"Did ye just...piss on me?" Murphy asked warily, making Connor choke on his mouth full of water. The thought of Lila pissing on him almost had him on the floor with laughter, that would be fucking amusing. It wouldn't be the first time she had issues with her bladder, she did have two babies pressing on it after all. But after the first time she had done it whilst unloading groceries, she had locked herself in the bedroom for hours on end crying out of shame. The twins had sat down outside the bedroom door as she wouldn't let them in. They didn't think it was that much of a big deal, shit happened, but she was mortified. The boys didn't give up though and Connor ended up telling her about the time Murphy pissed himself in McGintys when he'd had one too many. Of course, the dark-haired boy looked to his brother with a horrified scowl, his ears burning bright that he had told her, but it got her to unlock the door so he let it go.

Lila looked scared though now, sat in Murphy lap as he looked up at her almost accusingly and Connor furrowed his brow for a moment.

"I think my water just broke," she muttered, her body tense and unmoving. There was a brief millisecond where it got so silent, the twins' eyes as wide as Lilas now, they could practically hear crickets chirping in the background. The gravity of the words she just said hit them hard.

"The babies are comin'?" Connor asked tensely from his spot in the kitchen, none of them seemed to be able to move for a moment. But as soon as her eyes went to him, nodding with her big wide eyes, that was it. All feelings shelved as he went into plan mode and he darted off to the bedroom. They had been prepared for the babies coming early, they had learnt at the classes they had attended that twins often tended to be somewhat premature, so Connor had a bag already packed with everything in it.

Lila got up on shaky legs, Murphy helping her as he stood, looking still in shock that this was it, it was time. A sharp pain ripped through her belly that seemed to resonate throughout her entire body and she cried out, doubling over as she clutched her stomach.

"What? What is it?! Connor! CONNOR!" Murphy practically shrieked, almost hysterical as Connor rushed into the room with the bag over his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked panicked, looking from his brother to Lila who was still hunched over tearfully.

"What the fucks wrong with her?" Murphy asked sounding like a terrified boy and Connors' heart ached for him for just a moment. Connor walked over, stroking her back soothingly.

"Contractions ye fuckin' twit, if ye listened in class ye'd know," Connor chided lightly, paying more attention to comforting the girl in pain.

They had attended every class they could to prepare themselves for all of this yet nothing seemed to be able to prepare them for the reality of it. Connor had once again been a sponge, eager for knowledge. His brother took great delight in ribbing him over the fact Connor had even brought a pad and pen and took notes. Lila thought it was adorable though, it reminded her of how eager to learn he was when he quizzed her about trying for a baby, or when he was learning to drive. Murphy, of course, had listened somewhat, it wasn't that he didn't want to be there, but the boy didn't have the best attention span. Instead, he was more interested in attaching the breast pump to Connors nipples or juggling with the model fetuses. It had lightened the mood of the group attending the class and made more than a few people chuckle, it was like being back in school. But now he was paying for it since he felt so un-fucking-prepared.

Connor had them in the car in a flash, Murphy in the back with Connor driving. He wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but his task was driving so he tried to focus, glancing at her in the rear view mirror when he could to check she was okay. She cried out again as another contraction hit her and she grasped Murphy's hand, squeezing so tight he yelped.

"Fuckin' hell, I don't think I'll have a hand left when she's done," Murphy whined, locking eyes with his brothers in the mirror.

"Fuckin' shut it ye big baby. Think o' the pain she's in, it's worse than that," Connor scolded once again. Murphy blanched though, he wasn't exactly wrong. So he let her squeeze the shit out of his hand, even if she broke a few fingers along the way.

By the time she was in the hospital bed, the staff bustling around her, she was dripping in sweat, her head dizzy from meds they gave her that clearly weren't working because it still hurt like a bitch.

"I can't do this," she sobbed helplessly and the boys looked to her feeling their hearts constrict. She was in so much pain and nothing could have prepared the pair of them for how much it would hurt them to see her like this.

"Sure ye can sweetheart, yer almost there," Connor soothed as he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead.

"That's easy for you to say, you don't have a baby coming out of your fucking vagina," she snapped, glaring at him. He blinked at her, willing himself not to laugh at how adorable she was when she was angry, he knew she was only being like this because she was hurting and that thought made him sad.

"I know we don't love, but we're here for ye," Murphy chimed in from her other side, stroking her cheek and making her look at him and she exhaled a breath, calming down.

Another few contractions later and she was pushing, the doctors telling her not to stop, she was almost there, and as she squeezed the boys hands until they were blue, she heard the cry of a baby fill the room as she slumped back in the bed. She felt dazed, a mixture of the drugs and the tiredness and the boys couldn't take their eyes off where they had taken the baby to quickly clean them up and wrap a blanket around them. It wasn't lost on them the colour of the blanket when the nurse returned. None of them had known what they would be having. On the morning of the scan where they should have found out, the boys had bickered so relentlessly; Murphy saying they were girls, Connor that they were boys, that when the sonographer asked her if they wanted to know, she said no. The boys had been mortified, begging and pleading but she stuck her ground.

"Congrats on a healthy baby girl," she smiled, handing the baby to Lila whilst she had the chance before the other baby decided to pop out and say hello. She stared at the wide blue-eyed infant in her arms, with her little smatter of ginger hair on her tiny head. A sob left Lilas lips, feeling so overwhelmed at finally meeting one of her children, her daughter.

"HA! I fuckin' told ye!" Murphy declared proudly from beside him, pointing at his brother with one hand, wiping his eyes with the other. Connor turned his adoring eyes from the baby in Lilas' arms to his brother and squinted.

"Fuck you! We still have another one on the way ye smart ass!" he countered before they started bickering, causing the staff to snort and shake their heads. Lila tuned them out though, all she had eyes for was that the little bundle in her arms. She could never put into words the love she felt at that moment, it was a love like no other she had ever felt and she felt so full of love it felt like she was about to burst at the seams.

She cried out once more, the next baby seemingly ready and the nurse quickly took their daughter, putting her in a little crib so Lila could give birth to the next one. She wasn't sure if it was the drugs or her mind playing tricks on her, but it felt like this one came out quicker, and soon enough after a few pushes, baby number two was wailing. And this time when they handed the blue blanket wrapped baby to the new mother, it was Connor that had a shit eating grin on his face. Murphy just sneered, not even saying a word, he had won too after all. The nurse helped Lila hold both babies, showing her how to do it and the tired girl just blinked at her children, in awe of the fact she was now a mother. The boys watched her, Murphy sniffling and wiping his eyes every second since the tears never stopped. But it wasn't until Connor started swaying on his feet a little next to her that she finally looked up. It was like she knew what was coming before he did and she went to say something when his eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp. Luckily his brother had been there to catch him, hauling him into the chair next to the bed with a snort.

"Really Connor?" Murphy asked wryly to his brother who clearly couldn't hear him.

"I wondered when it would be his turn to faint," Lila snorted tiredly, looking over as Murphy made sure his brother was comfortable before he moved over, sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached out, stroking each babies head affectionately and Lila felt her heart fill with even more love.

"Do you want to hold one?" she asked, looking at him with her watery eyes, only to find his just as watery.

"Nah, best wait for Connor to wake," he replied softly, causing the girl to smile to herself. She could never tire of how they both cared for each other, always looking out for the other.

"I'm really proud o' ye Lila," he stated, catching her off guard for a second as she blinked at him. He could see just how tired she was and he couldn't exactly blame her after what she had just managed to do. He and Connor had always said women were a fuck tonne stronger than men and this was reason number one. There was no way in hell he could do what she had just done and it only made his immense amount of love for her intensify.

She just blushed a little and ducked her head, looking back at the babies. He reached over, stroking her hair affectionately as he looked at her like some kind of hidden relic.

"I mean it m'girl," he insisted, making her heart constrict in her chest. She was feeling more than overemotional with everything that happened and this was just making it worse. She didn't have a chance to respond though as Connor groaned and stirred in the chair, drawing her and Murphy eyes over to him.

"Fuckin' hell, what happened?" he asked warily as he sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking wildly confused.

"Ye passed out ye fuckin' pussy," Murphy laughed gleefully, earning a look from Lila that shut him up.

"Well o' course I did. Our wee babes have just come inte the world and I took one look at them and me brain fuckin' couldn't cope," Connor snorted, trying to brush it off but Lila didn't fail to miss the slight blush that swept across his cheeks.

Murphy didn't pass any other snarky remarks though because he could feel just how emotional his brother was, he was fighting his own tears every time he looked at those precious little things in their girl's arms.

"You gonna hold them now?" Lila asked as she glanced from one to another, and without words, Connor knew his twin hadn't held one yet simply because he had been out cold, and he was grateful because this was something he wanted them to do together. Connor stood in unison with Murphy as he reached out and took the little boy, Murphy taking the little girl. Lila couldn't stop watching them, how they stared at the babies with dopey smiles on their faces.

"Hello me wee lass, aren't ye a pretty thing, just like yer Ma. I'll be fightin' them off wit' sticks until yer fuckin' 30," Murphy grinned, poking the tiny baby's nose. Lila smiled to herself as Connor huffed out a laugh.

"So...Have you thought of names yet?" Lila asked curiously, stifling a yawn. She had agreed to let the boys name the babies on the condition that next time it was her turn, no matter how many babies there were. They had been over the moon about the idea of getting to choose a name each, especially now since there was a boy and a girl.

"Alanna," Murphy beamed, his bright eyes on his daughter in his arms.

"Quinn," Connor stated proudly. The boys looked to each other, sharing a look that said they approved of each name before looking to their girl. Her face was neutral, showing no sign of what she really thought about the names.

"Hm… I don't know. I was thinking more...Joan and Keith," she said, her face dead serious. Murphy paled a little, shifting a little with the baby as he shot a nervous glance at his brother.

"Joan? And...Kieth?" Connor asked carefully, like he hadn't heard right, but much to their dismay, she nodded.

"Ye can't name the babies that, they sound like old people!" Murphy said horrified, unable to even hide it in his tone. Lila squinted at him and he blanched a little.

"Old people were babies once too ya know?" she huffed, scowling at them. The boys fell silent, looking down at the babies, the names she suggested were awful and they didn't want to subject their children to grow up with old people names, but she had just spent hours pushing these little souls out of her own body and they were actually scared to argue with her. There was a tense moment of silence before Lila burst out laughing, the twins looked at her warily like she had grown another head.

"Oh my God I'm kidding!" she snorted, covering her mouth a little to quieten herself. Murphy squinted at her playfully as Connor pursed his lips. They should have fucking known she'd fuck about with this, they didn't know why they didn't see it coming.

"I actually really love Alanna and Quinn, I think it suits them," she smiled lovingly, her eyes glancing from one baby to another. The twins felt the relief sweep through them with a sense of pride they had picked names good enough for her.

Lila relaxed back in the bed as she felt her weak body getting more tired, her eyes getting heavy, but she fought to stay awake just to watch her boys with their babies.

"Get some rest sweetheart, me and Murphy will watch over them for a bit, ye need te get yer strength back up," Connor said firmly, making it obvious she didn't really have a choice, not that she would fight him anyway. She was far too tired for that. Not to mention, pretty soon the rest of the MacManus clan, Rocco included, would be here to see the babies and she really needed to rest up for that ordeal. She snuggled under the blanket, wincing at the ache everywhere, especially in between her legs. She settled down, closing her eyes with a smile as she heard the boys talking to the babies.

**Epilogue**

Murphy walked in the bedroom, seeing Lila fast asleep on top of the bed, fully dressed. A one-month-old Alanna stirred and squirmed in the bassinet by the bed and Murphy swiftly went to grab her so she didn't wake Lila. Life with two babies had been hard on all three, they rarely got any sleep these days, but they helped each other out, working as a team to make it as smooth as possible. As he left the room and shut the door, he stopped dead in his tracks, glancing down at the cherubic little face of his daughter.

"Fuckin' hell Alanna, did ye wait for ye Ma te fall asleep te do that? Anyone would think ye hate me," he whined as he got a whiff of a smell he rather he hadn't.

"Connor!" he called out as he walked into the living room, receiving a scowl off his twin as he shushed him. Connor was holding Quinn as he sat on the armchair and by the looks of it, the little boy had only just fallen asleep. Murphy looked sheepish for almost waking him as he walked over and carefully sat on the couch.

"Yer daughters had a shit again, its yer turn," Murphy said looking at Connor. Connor quirked a brow with a smirk.

"I like how she's _my_ daughter and not ours whenever ye wanna get outta changin' her fuckin' diaper," Connor snorted amused.

"C'mon! I did it last time," Murphy huffed petulantly.

"Because I won fair and square," Connor grinned smugly.

A few minutes later had Murphy grumbling as he changed her diaper after once again losing rock paper scissors to his brother. He knew he would lose, he did every time, it didn't stop him from doing it though. Once she was clean and didn't smell anymore, he picked her up, cradling her against his chest and he went back over to the couch. He glanced over at Connor, his twin was staring down at the sleeping boy with a smile. Despite the fact the babies were now a month old, it still felt surreal that they were there.

"We're the luckiest fuckers alive," Connor muttered, still smiling as he lifted his eyes to his brother. Murphy grinned in agreement, he knew they were. After everything that had happened between the three of them, they had always managed to come out on top, even after they fucked up in the worst way with their girl. They knew they were punching above their weight with the girl, she could do miles better, not that they'd tell her that. Now they were a real little family and it wasn't lost on the boys how much the second chance Lila had given them had changed their lives. They were glad she had given that chance, to repair the damage the best they could and spend the rest of their lives paying for what they did. She was everything to them, their soul mate and best friend. And now she had given them the two best gifts they ever could have asked for. She was an angel, just like they had always said, and they were never letting her go.


End file.
